protecting yourself from being portrayed as the bad guy
Pleasexxxx i need more advice. i have decided after reading these posts and taking advice on my first poster, that you should not respond to guilt to indulge the expected role you are given, to mother adult sd when there is an emotionally absent BM. I have decided i need to have children myself with him to save him from his daughter and ex otherwise I risk being pushed out of this family by his sd (24), who is using her child as leverage. I have decided to disengage from them due to her (SD) decision to abuse her child. I hate her too much to be around her. (I was abused as a child).But I feel bad that he will blame me and resent me for pushing her away. All the brothers think she is a victim, but in reality she has destroyed the relations of everyone she comes into contact with. I am afraid for him and me.
Last night he had to help her keep her child by agreeing to oversee the removal of her ex boyfriends things. The boyfriend turned up with heavies and threatened my partner, and his daughter was all over these guys, and didnt want her father there. She tried to take the phone from him as he called the police. Right now he is happy because he thinks the social services will sort her out.Alli see is a selfish entitled narcisstic two faced human being who is going to make me look like the bad guy and herself as the victim. I am worried the brothers will turn on me too. They see her as someone who needs to be fixed. I see a schemer who hurts all her boyfriends and family. How do I maintain my dignity, and decide i wont have her around for xmas, or celebrate the innocent childs birthdays etc and still look and feel good about it. I already feel guilty for losing my temper and being witnessed shouting at his daughter by the brother after she condoned the abuse of her daughter.
I have heard back from the brother that he is upset at me(and he lives here), what do I do??.
Use birth control like it's
Use birth control like it's 1999, go get an education and a future far, far away from Coronation Street.
"I have decided i need to
"I have decided i need to have children myself with him to save him from his daughter and ex otherwise I risk being pushed out of this family by his sd (24), who is using her child as leverage."
:O Please don't bring a child into this mess. Lordy, I need more coffee. Too much drama first thing in the morning.
Babies do not have magical
Babies do not have magical powers. You can't use kids you have with him "to save him from his daughter and ex". Sorry, but that is crazy talk.
Do not bring children into this mess. Just walk away.
I Know but i am desperate to
I Know but i am desperate to have a child myself for myself I could handle being a singlemother if i needed tooI am40now, and he is a good father. I feel like i am in competition with his daughter though to have his attention. And having a child with him would take away the feeling of being an inferior substitiute
You can't use a baby to fix
You can't use a baby to fix the problems in your relationship. That baby won't change the fact that you feel inferior to his daughter.
I Know but i am desperate to
I Know but i am desperate to have a child myself for myself I could handle being a singlemother if i needed tooI am40now, and he is a good father. I feel like i am in competition with his daughter though to have his attention. And having a child with him would take away the feeling of being an inferior substitiute
He is NOT a good father. You
He is NOT a good father.
You are not in a good place emotionally or mentally. A pregnancy is the last thing you should be considering.
I Know but i am desperate to
I Know but i am desperate to have a child myself for myself I could handle being a singlemother if i needed tooI am40now, and he is a good father. I feel like i am in competition with his daughter though to have his attention. And having a child with him would take away the feeling of being an inferior substitiute
i dont need him to keep me,
i dont need him to keep me, you have got off track with what I am trying to say. probably because i am not clear because I am upset. I am already figuring out i may need to leave that thinking alone. I am hoping for advice on how to cope with a stepdaughter who attacks others, but comes across as the victim.If I isolate myself fromher I look like the bad guy, but I cant stand by and be asked to be abusive towards a child myself,by having the grandchild around and justify her expextations (please dontjudge me on that, Its already been decided by socialservices she needs monitoring). Its just that the partner and brother will expect me to go along with it for a quiet life and I cant.I ambetter than her because I was the abused not the abuser.
My thought were confused earlier. I wanted tokeepthe odinairy picture of family clear for himand me. He is conservative as am I, and whats being forced on us makes me think of us having a normal child, (even though that was a fantasy) tokeep the image clear of aloving nuturing family because i am shell shocked by the breakdown in this one. what we haveis ,stealing, drugs, lectures about activism, not giving children toys, or showing love. forcing a child into an altered version of veganism, where doctors and science is evil and water can only come from unmonitored water springs, I have been told to tell the child why she must not eat meat or play with toys, that she can take toys from other children in the park, because thereis nosuch thing as personalboundrys, or wear shoes outside or that scars inflicted on the child through refusing her medicine are natural . It all makes me sick inside. You are reacting how I expect others too.You think I amtoo blame alreay
i dont need him to keep me,
i dont need him to keep me, you have got off track with what I am trying to say. probably because i am not clear because I am upset. I am already figuring out i may need to leave that thinking alone. I am hoping for advice on how to cope with a stepdaughter who attacks others, but comes across as the victim.If I isolate myself fromher I look like the bad guy, but I cant stand by and be asked to be abusive towards a child myself,by having the grandchild around and justify her expextations (please dontjudge me on that, Its already been decided by socialservices she needs monitoring). Its just that the partner and brother will expect me to go along with it for a quiet life and I cant.I ambetter than her because I was the abused not the abuser.
My thought were confused earlier. I wanted tokeepthe odinairy picture of family clear for himand me. He is conservative as am I, and whats being forced on us makes me think of us having a normal child, (even though that was a fantasy) tokeep the image clear of aloving nuturing family because i am shell shocked by the breakdown in this one. what we haveis ,stealing, drugs, lectures about activism, not giving children toys, or showing love. forcing a child into an altered version of veganism, where doctors and science is evil and water can only come from unmonitored water springs, I have been told to tell the child why she must not eat meat or play with toys, that she can take toys from other children in the park, because thereis nosuch thing as personalboundrys, or wear shoes outside or that scars inflicted on the child through refusing her medicine are natural . It all makes me sick inside. You are reacting how I expect others too.You think I amtoo blame alreay
The situation you are now in
The situation you are now in with your SO and SD is NOT something to bring a baby into. If you want to have a child, leave this mess, go to a fertility clinic, get some good genes and have fun raising a child in a non-hostile environment.
thank you sandye and another
thank you sandye and another step2, i think what you have said has made me think perhaps he is not the man i think he is now.I hate this.Because I blame the bm for it,but now there is a little doubt, the boys seem
alright
thank you sandye and another
thank you sandye and another step2, i think what you have said has made me think perhaps he is not the man i think he is now.I hate this.Because I blame the bm for it,but now there is a little doubt, the boys seem
alright
A baby will just make things
A baby will just make things worse. Sometimes these men with dysfunctional relationships with their daughters from a 1st marriage treat bio kids they have with a subsequent wife like they're in second place. Not all do this...but I'm saying...it can (and does) happen. SD will feel threatened and step up her game. Don't do it. You're 40? THAT is when a lot of women finally start not giving a sh*t about what other people think of them. I'd be willing to be my boyfriend's family thinks I'm the devil. Do I care? Heck no!!!