Why do you go?

Just skip it. Yeah it would be nice if the kids were taught about the real meaning of x mas. To give and not receive. But you know kids it's all about the gifts.

How old are the skids?

"At what point does a grown man stop spending holidays at his mommy'a house? "

seriously - :jawdrop:

sorry but both SO and I are way past 40 and we still spend Christmas at parents house, we altar, one year his one year mine.... only difference is we do not do gift exchange.... but I've never had a Christmas in my life where I was not with my parents, and the last 12 years, either SO's parents or mine.... I will not know what to do if our parents is not there any more, I will bloody hell cancel Christmas

When nobody cares to consider your opinion over other people's opinions when you are part of something they do, the healthiest thing to do is to stay away from all of it; regardless of whom they are, unfortunately. At least you stated how you felt, though it does not matter to them because you do not matter to them. Stay away from people who do not care for you, celebrate your Christmas your way in your home and peacefully, even if it is without hubby or kids for once. You have to protect your own mental health.

Yike…first off I would say to stop being so judgmental about their Christmas tradition. If they like to throw lots of gifts at kid/skids…so what? Not your place to tell the WHOLE family YOUR bad opinion of their Christmas AT their party. That had to have taken some stones to do that at an in-law party. Just wow.

Second…the kids don’t say thank you? Really? And no one tells them to say thank you? What shitty parents there.

Third…My bro and I spend Christmas Eve and Day at my folks. We love our family and enjoy being around each other. Honestly, it would be horrible if my bro brought someone like you to our party to tell us how terrible we are for the way we celebrate.

I would just either not go, or better yet. Just relax and enjoy their party and stop trying to make them bend to the way you think they should behave. I know it is annoying but just try, you might just have a good time.

" At what point does a grown man stop spending holidays at his mommy'a house?" This actually made me tear up: I would give ANYTHING to give my DH one more Christmas with his "Mommy"!!! So no I can't relate.

I understand the disgust at the greed. Just don't go. I know it's not as simple as that because you want to support your DH, but if it pisses you off that much, why go?

My inlaws have always had some type of family Christmas celebration. It isn't usually on Christmas day, but all the kids/grandkids are there and they exchange family presents at that time.

The first time I went, I was aghast at how my DH's kids tore through their presents. I actually had some input for him that we used to take turns playing Santa in my house and people opened gifts up one at a time. My inlaws actually started doing that and I think everyone actually likes that better now. You get to see and appreciate what people are getting and you get to actually see people open a gift you spent time picking out for them. It wasn't an overnight thing..but it did improve.

We actually don't make the celebration every year since my Inlaws mostly craft the time around when his brother and his family can make it and don't consult us for the schedule. That's fine by us...sometimes we plan vacations over the holidays. It's nice to not have to worry we are offending anyone!

I stopped going to MY OWN family's Xmas years and years ago. I was the only one traveling (via plane = $$$) and using my vacation time. It was like this wierd throw back to when I'm supposed to be 12 again and it was just exhausting.

Stay home. Enjoy your time alone!

I think you have two problems. First is that your family Christmas traditions are different to your in laws. There is nothing wrong with that, it is just different. If you would rather go to a soup kitchen than your in laws then I am sure you can arrange that.

The second problem is ungrateful children. Try to talk to your husband about this before Christmas and see if he is willing to get his kids to thank those that give them gifts. If he is not willing to then don't give the children anything from you. If they say anything tell them that you are choosing to give gifts only to those that show appreciation for them.

Also if the children do not use the gifts they got last year consider encouraging your husband to get them practical or consumable gifts this year. Bathroom supplies, some candy, clothes, stationary, other school supplies are all things that they would hopefully use.

Insanity is doing the same things over again while expecting a different result.

Get in touch with sanity, do something different, demand a different result.

Lather, rinse, repeat.... until you get a reasonable result.