I say it is wiser to not speak with any of them if you want your son to be able to move on with his wife. Read the posts by women dealing with family enmeshed with former wives etc., and you will quickly learn staying in touch with an ex is usually a recipe for family disaster.

My mother still stays in contact with my ex and my ex sister in law. I no longer trust her with important information because I don't want it going back, even inadvertently, to them. Our relationship has suffered.

Dup

If you see them at confirmations, graduations, etc. be cordial and indulge in meaningless small talk. Talk about news, sports, and weather. You know, safe topics. Anything but the kids who divorced. I would even avoid talking about the mutual grandchildren. One set of parents is bound to see them more often than the other does and it will show leading to instant jealousy and tension.

But if it's been a year of radio silence already I would not stir anything up. You don't know what your former dil has been saying about your son to her parents. Do you really want to hear it?

And, as others have pointed out, hanging on would surely hamper your son's ability to move on and form a new healthy relationship. Whoever your new dil turns out to be, she deserves your full attention and loyalty.

I don't talk to my mil and I'm still married not separated. My husband is responsible for maintaining his relationship with his mother, not me. Why do you need to talk to your daughter in law? Especially if they are separated. Just talk to your son. If there is anything that you really need to talk to her for ask your son to find out for you.

absolutely normal.

Your obligation is ONLY to your son and his children.

During his time with the grand children, it is then that you may see your Grandchildren hopefully. You don't go behind your son and call his ex. NO NO NO NO NO

Remember your son is where your loyalty is at all times. Please do not expect him to give UP his time with his kids to see you. Maybe dinner at grannys every other month if you want to but please to not pressure him.

It is also your obligation to be cordial in public setting if she is there and keep conversations easy. Don't ask your former daughter in-law for anything. All questions, visits go thru your son.

And yes I am a Grandma---I just dont talk about it here. I am rather private.

I see nothing abnormal about it. Your son is your family. His STBXW is no longer family.

Let her go. Be loyal to your son and his future gf/wife.