Who is the pedophile and did he hurt any of the kids?

It is his kid; you can't blame him for wanting to see him even though he's an asshole to you. I hate my skids; they are the same; it is what it is. DH tries to keep his life with them separate from his life with me. In the beginning he would let them intrude on our lives...he'd drop everything the moment they snapped their fingers and let them treat me like shit. That ended after some talk and counseling.

Did you tell his parents the reason that there were no photos of SS around? Did you mention that his disrespect is the reason that he didn't go on your cruise? Unless DH's parents are complete morons, they can plainly see what an ass their grandson is.

Sounds like your husband is a bit spineless or living a guilt trip. Maybe he and you need some counseling. Is he planning to pay back SS's cruise with your money? I would just detach if I was you.

How old is ss?

Your husband should have gotten a kick in the rear. I would remind him about the things he said about your poor baby, who was also his child. Also, your in-laws are clearly overstepping their bounds. I can't believe they'd bring him after everything, and neither can I believe your DH didn't shut down his rudeness immediately.

OP i just read your original post and i just want to say i am so, so beyond sorry about your baby and your poor father.

Carlazep, I would have a nervous breakdown in this situation. I am so sorry.

Your brother in law should shut his trap. His parents have a right to spend their own money the way they friggin' want to. Nobody owes that boy and his gf a cruise. Please! Brother in law can buy them one if he wants to. Heck, every single person in the family can sign over their entire estate to this teen wreck. Still doesn't mean your dh should reimburse them all and still doesn't mean you should be forced to take a mean-spirited adult who caused your dad to die of a broken heart on your vacation. F'them all (the guilting inlaws).

How about this one? Since your DH accepted free babysitting services for TWO kids from a man he's now willing to vilify shouldn't he reimburse YOUR father's heirs for the cost of all that child care?

Shut the f up, brother in law.

What happened in the past regardless if it is true or not is still very much here in your present life. That being said I would think that the in laws need to be told under no circumstances is SS allowed in your home and you are really in no position to care if they agree of don't agree with the decision. The BIL needs to be told by your DH to shove it and to mind his own business, that your DH's parents are grown adults that can spend their money any way they want. SS is an adult and even if he was molested as a child there is a point that you become responsible for your own behavior and that includes not being an as*hole to your family.

People love their children even if the child actually murders another human, there is nothing that can take the love of a child away and that includes allegations of abuse in regards to your father, your DH cannot stop loving his child no matter what the child does. What your DH can do is to shield you from ever being near SS again. DH parents need to be told that SS is not allowed at your home ever again. My SO doesn't tell me what I can spend my money on and I don't think you have any right to tell your DH what he should spend his money on BUT if it bothers you enough then it is something you have to figure out if you can live with. SS getting tipsy and blaming your DH for allowing a pedophile in the family is absolutely horrible but if your husbands allows himself to be treated like that then that is what he will be treated like. I would tell DH while he is to shield you from seeing SS he should also shield you in not reporting anything about their relationship with you. In the future if DH comes home depressed from family outings you should assume that he again allowed his child to talk to him the way he has in the past and NOT ask one thing about it and not allow DH to tell you about it. DISENGAGE in full from SS and anything that has to do with him. If that isn't good enough for you to move forward then you have to consider leaving DH for your own new lease on life that is far away from all of this.

OP--NO one and I do mean NO one calls My husband 'that' OR me and thinks for one new York minute they will stay in my house, visit my house, for they are sadly mistaken.

Immediate OUT the door... to never ever come back.

Not dragging along with anyone who acts like your ss did./does.
THAT is just us.

(SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED)

IF ss really was abused did he get counseling for it?! If this was my child he would have immediately gotten some kind of help. If he was abused he needs help, if he's lying about it he really needs help and a good counselor would be able to sniff this out.

Since ss insists that he was abused any money should be spent on therapy and not a cruise. The family needs to quit throwing money and gifts at the kid to pacify him and insist that he recieve therapy since he's so *broken.*

I think BIL and the gparents would get better value buying this skid therapy sessions instead of cruises.

This adult brat is leveraging his claims of abuse (be they true or false) to manipulate everyone. What does that say about his character? He waltzed in to carlazep's house, verbally urinated all over the place swearing and hurling insults, and nobody said a word. He knows he has a golden ticket to abuse and exploit everyone. What should have happened is DH should have told his parents that it was NOT okay to bring SS over, and SS should have been asked to leave as soon as he started being obnoxious.

There's nothing to be gained from scenes like this, and I would not subject myself to another one. The world is full of adult wounded children who manage their personal issues and don't allow them to define them or hold them hostage.

It would be great if your DH could tell his son something like, "I don't know what you've experienced, but I love you and am willing to work on these issues in therapy. Just let me know when you want to move forward." Put the ball in SS's court, draw some hard boundaries, and see what happens.

Ignore SS..... deal with your husband....

why can't he tell his family the truth.... he can simply say SS behaved like this or that and as punishment to teach him life values we decided on this or that... please stop interfering, you are meaning well but it's not helping.

and NO... DH will not refund his parents, if they decide to spoils SS it's on their heads, not DH's, and eff the brother, DH can simply tell him... do not give your opinion if you do not know the truth, butt out of my family life and concentrate on your own

Regardless of SS's title or position in the family, he sounds like an incredibly toxic person, who is enjoying manipulating anyone with any kind of "relationship" or DNA connection with him. Personality disorder, sociopath, who knows?

The last thing anyone should be doing is pandering to him, and this is regardless of what has gone on in his past. Toxic personalities have a way of bringing everyone around them down and many times those around them are dumbfounded as to why such and such doesn't work, or why is so and so still upset. . . "If only we are nice to him, he'll come around", etc.

My guess is he is secretly enjoying all of his manipulation and power others have given him. He'll continue this behavior as long as others keep giving him what he demands. My advice to both you and your DH--write him off. Yes, I know he has DH's DNA in him, but his son is so manipulative, toxic and clever that he has his whole family on his side and going after DH. Once DH steps out of the picture, his other relatives will have to take him in and then they'll see--I guarantee it.

I see all of these lives being destroyed by what may be a sociopath. I don't think it is worth all that pain that everyone in the family is going through, even if this kid has your DNA. My family and I had to let go of a toxic brother in a similar situation. It was only after we all stopped reaching out to him and practically wrote him off that he finally apologized and came around. HOWEVER, my brother was no where near as bad as this SS appears to be.

Take care, and best of luck. As always, SMs have to watch out for themselves.

As long as he can do this kind of stuff and nobody puts a stop to it, he will continue to do it. We had to kick SS out, fire him from the job we had hired him for, etc., because he just couldn't be polite or kind to me. It took years but I got him out. My DH sees him from time to time for lunch. Amazingly, he moved in with the SD and managed to find work about 7 months later but couldn't keep his mouth shut there, either so now he's "self employed." DH does not give him money. SS recently took a vacation. He is not welcome to stop by. I have little to nothing to do with them except for an obligatory "hello" and "goodbye" at a holiday gathering at a family member's house. This works well for us. No drama. You will continue to resent your husband for not being stronger. You married into his family and he should insist on respect.

It sounds like he has alot of anger which means you will continue to be the target of it as long as that is permitted. Write him off, set solid boundaries and don't waver. You know in your heart what will happen if you do. There's no cheese at the end of that tunnel. Good luck!