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missmama1234's picture

Submitted by missmama1234 on Tue, 02/21/2017 - 5:39pm

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I just need to rant...my husband cant handle it when I open up to him about his son/my stepson misbehaving.

I really need support but he always patronizes me and makes me feel like I am overreacting and then justifies his son's behaviour and makes excuses for his actions...

I have him full time and I do all the mom stuff for him...My husband works during the day and really only spends an hour with the kids (i have a 10 year old step son and 9 month old bio son and I an also 31 weeks pregnant) and he really thinks his son is the perfect kid.....but he has a bad attitude and he thinks he is above adults.

I am helping him raise his son, his bio mom is not involved. She would see him once a week sometimes even skips the visit. And so when I ask him for support I expect him to be there on my side. But instead he will tell me I am too sensitive and he always makes me feel like I shouldn't be feeling the way I am. I always tell my husband good things to empower him and he rarely hesrs the terror stories so when I break it to him he doesnt take it well...

I am just so frustrated and I feel unappreciated. Why does he discredit my feelings and effort? I wish he would just understand how much extra work I have had to take on to help raise his son. I am so exhausted.

missmama1234's picture

Submitted by missmama1234 on Tue, 02/21/2017 - 6:47pm

He had the audacity to tell me that parenting is easy in comparison yo working.
At least he gets a break in his day and also a break in parenting...parenting is 24/7 and when he and my stepson are home it's actually more work. I wanna slap him omg....lol

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 02/21/2017 - 9:22pm

you're not parenting though you're working lol when you birth or adopt a child, you're parenting. when you date someone with a kid, you're babysitting. there's a difference.

when it's not your kid by birth or adoption it feels more like work than it does parenting and that's a fact. I'd remind him of that.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 02/22/2017 - 12:24am

missmama.... I think it's time to disengage, read the link below and print it out, then give it to DH and say...

this is what I'm going to do, until you step up and teach your son that i have the authority in this house, I am not his mother but I am an adult and he will behave, only then will I start playing mum again but until then - I'm going to disengage, I'm not going to bother with homework or anything... that will be your responsibility when you come from the office, the only thing I will do is be around after school in case of emergencies.

http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 03/06/2017 - 5:36pm

I printed this out and read it every now and then, so I can feel stronger in my convictions that "sumpthin aint quite right in this here sitchiashun".

When you have it memorized you can quote from it. Also read the stepparents rights manifesto for good measure. You have the RIGHT to be respected in your own home. Repeat this to yourself in the mirror.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Wed, 02/22/2017 - 10:52am

Does your step son attend school ? From lets say 9am until 4pm?

If so, it is your husbands responsibility to make arrangements with his job so HE (NOT YOU) but he is available for his young son. Homework, dinner, evening time then bed time is a bio parents job, not yours.

Also it is your husbands responsibility to make arrangements for the boys summer schedule unless he attend year round school.

Many a step parent will gladly help out from time to time without blinking an eye. The trouble starts when a bio parent expects a step parent to take over the role of a BIO.

Granted there are 2 sides to every story so in all fairness your husband may have a different point of view.

Does bm pay child support ?

missmama1234's picture

Submitted by missmama1234 on Wed, 02/22/2017 - 11:49am

bm does not pay child support.

Yes my step son has school from 8-3, my husband doesn't expect me to pick up or drop off. When I do it is because the weather is bad and I just care about him so I treat him like I would for my biokods..its just my personality. Luckily, my husband does do all the program planning and such for his son.

I do all the housework and cooking. My husband would help out on the weekend. And I take care of grocery and my car payment.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 02/23/2017 - 12:19am

Hon - simply disengage, not because you do not like SS, or because you want to be a bitch... disengage to get DH to step up and teach his son to respect you and listen to you, while his son does that then you can step back in and help out with SS...

missmama1234's picture

Submitted by missmama1234 on Fri, 02/24/2017 - 12:32pm

My step son had a p.a day today and stayed home woth me.
I always make sure that he has a good day with me and I never get in the way of his fun, infact i encourage it as long as he is respectful.

The last time he stayed home he was really loud while playing video games and so I asked him to play a littlw bit quieter TWICE. He didnt even acknowledge me. Today, I was prepared, I asked my husband to tell hos son to play putside and take a break from video games from1-3 so that my 7 month old son can have a proper nap. My step son steps out for 20 mins and brings over TWO friends....they playbin the basement screaming and bashing things and of course my son wakes up and now he will be up for 6-7 hours and overtired by the end of the day and so will I.

I wrote this to my husband:
you know that as much as possible i want SS to have fun and i try not to suck the fun out of anything..i rarely say anything and i let alot of things go, but i really hope that you see it is hard with a baby. I know you still see SS making us wait in the car for 15mins so he can play on the hill is not a big deal and you probably dont see him being loud as a big deal because chase slept well last night anyways. but i am going to have to speak up now... I am trying my best to parent both boys when youre not here. it is really hard keeping a baby busy for 6 hours, and he will be overtired and so will i. next time haven and his friends need to be out of then house during nap time especially when i have two babies. thanks babe i hope you genuinely understand what i am asking.

i only asked from 1-3 for pur son to be able to nap.

you know that when SS has friends over i am really nice and i never get in the way of their fun. i take care of them and make them food and snacks. i always try my best to make sure haven has a good day.

I get a bloody cold "Ok"
And again I get the feeling he is upset because I opened up about my step son again.

I am really frustrated.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 02/27/2017 - 12:48am

You never should've bugged your DH with this at work Hon,

You simply should've phoned the friends mothers and told them to collect their children they can't behave, and to do it quickly, then take way all games and fun and tell SS - call your mother to collect you please...

End of it