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Sick of being unappreciated!

stepback524's picture

Submitted by stepback524 on Sun, 05/11/2014 - 5:50pm

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Blended Family Issues

My DH has custody of his two children from a previous marriage. His children live in our home 90% of the time. BM has a history of depression, bipolar disorder specifically, and prescription pill abuse, therefore what is supposed to be EOW visitation is sporadic at best. Of course this is Mother's day weekend, and according to custody decree BM'S weekend. Naturally she couldn't handle having the children all weekend so she picked them up last night. I mean, what would people think of her if she didn't have her children on mother's day...sorry that's just a little rant...my real issue is with DH. For all that I do for his children Mon-whenever Bm decides to be a mom for a few hours, I never get a "THANK YOU" or "I appreciate everything you dooto help me raise my kids"! I'm sick and tired of helping him or really doing it for him with nothing in return. I'm not one of those types of women that need to hear it everyday, or even very often...but damn on mother's day, at least say thank you for being the mom that their BM isn't!!!!

Smith75's picture

Submitted by Smith75 on Sun, 05/11/2014 - 7:47pm

You are absolutely right!! I made the same mistake, of not telling my husband how terrible his lack of appreciation made me feel (among a few other SK related issues) and it festered within me for months and months. My DH thought he was being a great husband and when I finally did tell him how I really felt - in couples therapy - I was so consumed by bitterness and resentment and unfortunately that negativity shadowed our marriage. We are now separated.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Talk to him about how he's making you feel. You may be pleasantly surprised...

sbm014's picture

Submitted by sbm014 on Sun, 05/11/2014 - 6:24pm

I would let your DH know in some form or fashion.

My DH told me Mother's Day and normally says thank you for things I do... However I feel your pain as I have had issues trying to conceive in the past... And with me wanting to ensure job stability even more so with this last unemployment where I struggled because yes DH paid more bills but has continued to blow money on him and SS --

And now on Mother's Day knowing these issues has talked about the new toy SS is getting ($3400) and all the additions and modifications he wants put on it. I honestly want to cry because I want a child if this new job works out and I can only imagine the resentment SS is going to have (he got mad when I got laid off his second four wheeler wasn't gonna be fixed for a while [the new toy is in replacement] and if it is worth having a child because my child will not just get SS's hand-me-downs.

I know he sees on my face I don't want to hear and am not amused but men don't always get it.

Graymm's picture

Submitted by Graymm on Sun, 05/11/2014 - 8:41pm

I am so sorry honey! It is hard! It's also hard being the person who isn't required to do anything but if you don't everyone and their mother will claim your evil. Your DH is supposed to love and take care or his kids... You aren't under that. Instead or seeing that you are going above and beyond, your DH is basically saying that you are just as responsible. I'm sorry. Men are pigs

lili77's picture

Submitted by lili77 on Fri, 05/16/2014 - 11:41am

stop doing what you for them and let your husband deal with his kids, they are his not yours, stop seriously and maybe he will see all you do, I have a step kid too and there is no way in hell i would be doing all that. I take care of mine and thats it her mom and my husband can deal with her, I was invited to help make her so what should I be there to raise her and do all her stuff, thank you but no thank you