yeah, I hope that light bulb doesn't burn out!

I have learned I will get one of 3 responses from dh when I mention ANYTHING about his kids. A) he goes into defend mode, he goes straight into excuse mode, or C) Quickly throws me under the bus.

Hummm.....I am slow but since I don't like any of the above I will continue to bite my tongue unless I find myself on a hill to die for. Then they all might want to watch out!

My skids feel entitled to punish their dad for imagined allegations, disobedience, and think so highly of themselves that for their father not to obey them is a crime. Then they punish him but they don't always even blame him for his disobedience, much of the time they blame me.

When I married my dh I moved into what had been his marital home and the skids felt they owned the home & that I was a just a live in cook/maid. Things were totally out of order. My osd for example while in college tells one of her friends that she could spend spring break at HER house. Keep in mind that osd did not spend spring break in her so called home (she went to her moms) but her friend did. She had simply called my dh and told him that she had told her friend she could stay a week and that she would drop her off. I just happened to be on vacation myself that week & when dh told me I was having company I told him I did not like the idea. All he said was that he didn't mind. So I had her friend stay in my home for a week. I actually felt like I had a spy planted in my home. The next year (spring break) I told dh I did not want company and that he needed to inform osd or I would and he knew I was on a hill to die on. When he tells osd, she cried and dh felt so bad about it and I was viewed as unreasonable.

A few years later we purchased a 900 square ft rental house across the street from the college that my osd was to attend for her masters degree. She moves in with her dh & baby. They lived their one year but suddenly moved out (without notice) and did not talk to us for 1 1/2 years because we would not allow her to move a male friend of theirs into the 2 bdrm rental with them. We were disobedient.

MSD was having a baby shower at her bm's and I was invited. I knew they hated me and I did not want to go to the lions den but dh was afraid that MSD would be offended. I went and actually things went surprisingly well. After the shower my dh calls MSD asking her how the shower went & such. My dh wanted to meet MSD in-laws to be and after already asking MSD & her boyfriend several times to set it up (they used the passive aggressive say okay and then not). So on this phone call he asked MSD again to set it up a meet & greet but he could see the passive aggressive game was still being played so he told her he would set it up himself. MSD said well if you do call, be sure & talk to future father-n-law not mother-n-law. DH called the number he had and future mother-n-law answered. She was very hateful to dh. He simply asked to take her & her dh out to dinner. She would say "WHY would I want to do that?" My dh had such patience while talking with this lady he had never met. (MSD would bad mouth her dad to anyone who would listen & I am sure she had already played her victim card & what a bad dad she had). That was 8 years ago but because dh was disobedient they have estranged themselves.

SS was living with us. I took/take care of the financial books. When ss needed a lunch card I would put enough on the card to last 2 months but found it was only lasting 2 weeks. SS comes home one day & tells dad he needs money on his card & dh turns his head toward me & tells me (ss always treated me as if I were invisible). I say "wait a just a minute, I just paid for 2 months. It turns out that ss had been allowing another boy at school to eat lunch off of his card. SS tells dh that the boy is poor and dh then says that he doesn't mind. I pipe up and say I do!!! So now my dh & I are have a discussing in front of ss. I tell ss that it was very noble that he cared about the poor boy at school and that if he wants to pay for his lunch he was certainly welcome to use his own money to do so. My dh then says to me (in front of ss) "What is the difference in you wanting to help the Cleft Lip & Palate charity and what ss is doing?" My response was "I go to work, I earn the money, and I choice the charity, I don't have someone choose it for me!!!! I kid you not that when I first came into the picture, his son who was 12 at the time wanted, actually asked to take care of the finances and resented me because I didn't like that idea.

I have several stories. Bottom line is the skids don't like me because I see that the "tail is wagging the dog" and attempt to put a stop to it. They punish dh because he should be the boss of his wife AND be obedient to them. In other words, they want to control dh & also want to control me through dh.