Graduation party for stepdaughter
Need advice. My step daughter is graduating and my husband expects me to do a party for her. She moved out and in with her mom 4 years ago. I did a grad party for my step son 3 years ago and my other stepdaughter last year, and I told my dh then that was my last grad party I would do. He's said i was bitter. Not true. I'm burned out. Kids don't call me mom even though we've been married 13 years and the kids were young. I suggested to my husband to contact a restaurant and do appetizers. Most of his family is an hour away and last year my stepdaughter was asking who people were. She didn't even know some of my relatives! I think we should just invite his side this time. He wants a big party like we did for the other two. My stepdaughter hasn't even come to us to talk to us about it either or what she wants.
Suggestions?
Why can't he plan it?
Why can't he plan it? Seriously....
Well, DUH. Party planning is
Well, DUH. Party planning is a woman's job! TOTALLY KIDDING.
Ohhhh wait. He wants the gift
Ohhhh wait. He wants the gift grab his other kids got from your side.....
Ding Ding!
Ding Ding!
My SS's HS graduation was a
My SS's HS graduation was a depressing and disappointing event. I had to directly ask my parents to attend and we had to fly my ILs out for it. Even then we did not do a big celebration due to how late the event was and the insane traffic getting out of the venue.
I actually ran by the grocery store to pick up a generic Grad cake, decorations, and cards on the way home from Graduation.
He had so disappointed everyone with his Sr. year crap that none of us really gave a crap about celebrating. Of course we were happy that he graduated but none of us were in a celebratory mood.
My bride has guilt over this to this day, 7yrs later. Every year at graduation time she gets a bit forlorn over how we did not make a big deal about the kids graduation. I remind her of how close she was to killing him at that time and she actually gets grumbly over it as she reconnects with how bad he pissed her and everyone else off. }:) There is nothing quite like reconnecting with the facts to clear the haze or time and emotion.
Unlike my bride I am fine with how it all went down. He got the celebration he earned which wasn't much. SS attended that HS for only the last semester of his Sr. year and knew nearly no one and none of our friends or family lived within 2K miles of where we were living at that time. With the egg he laid at his Military boarding school the first semester of Sr. year ... no one gave a crap about celebrating graduation.
Rags, I couldn't agree more
Rags, I couldn't agree more with your point of view on your sons graduation. Especially this comment.
"He had so disappointed everyone with his Sr. year crap that none of us really gave a crap about celebrating. Of course we were happy that he graduated but none of us were in a celebratory mood."
Personally I didn't have graduation parties for my kids. Not because they did anything wrong though. I have done and will continue to do a lot for my children. Throwing parties is not one of those things. It would take me forever to explain why I don't do parties but by now my kids get that I have issues with certain things and they accept it. I do other things to make up for it.
My DD is getting married next month and she has planned the entire thing herself. She wants to have a stellar wedding so she's making it happen for herself. We gave her money to help out but that is the extent of it, the rest is up to her.
Had he performed his Sr. year
Had he performed his Sr. year to his capabilities then we would have celebrated. We have celebrated a few of his notable accomplishments and milestones since HS graduation. USAF BMT graduation, a couple of his promotions most recently to E-5, the completion of his first 6yr commitment and his re-enlistment... and when he finishes he BS we will definitely recognize and celebrate that.
We did not throw him parties for these things but we did attend and take him to dinner.
My parents were not big on graduation parties either. They recognized our graduations and they would usually take us to dinner but there were no big blow out bashes like many families do. Due to the long distances that had to be traveled to our graduations just the presence of mom and dad and anyone else who made the trip was celebration and recognition enough.
Counter to my general philosophy on graduations and related celebrations... I have always made sure to recognize my bride's graduations and accomplishments including flying her family out to attend graduations and reserving a large private party space at a notable restaurant. I figure recognizing the dual major BS graduation, MBA graduation, and CPA swearing in for my former single teen mom bride is a good thing. Recognizing her accomplishments is important to me probably more so than it is to her or even her family.
I told my dh then that was my
I told my dh then that was my last grad party I would do
Then don't do it. You told him you were done, be done.
If it's important to him, HE will do a party for his daughter.
you did for ALL the
you did for ALL the others..but because one kid was born last she gets nothing?
She doesn't have to get nothing but her FATHER can do it. OP gave him fair warning that she's burned out and she's not doing it anymore. He can do it, he really can.
"My husband expects me to do
"My husband expects me to do a party for her" .... There's your problem right there. He sounds as entitled as SD.
Tell him to book a restaurant if he's intent on the idea. Then you can order a cake, tell him where and when to pick it up and bring it along to the restaurant. Then he can pay the bill and look good.
If she lives with BM, surely ther's a party going on over there? Why does princess get two parties?
We don't make a fuss over graduations, just a pat on the back and maybe a cash gift. We go to the ceremony then out for dinner and some photos, but no one has to stress out over cooking, cleaning, hosting.
I didn't have a graduation
I didn't have a graduation party.. for HS, (much less any earlier), college, grad school. Nada. We were living in europe when I graduated HS.. so no family was really there except for immediate family. The only party I was really interested in was the party "on the hill" with all my friends.. and no parents were sponsoring THAT party. haha.
IF and a big IF - the SD even
IF and a big IF - the SD even has any interest in attending an event for DH's family, I'd probably compromise and volunteer to do the invitations. Which would be sent via evite to his family. None to your family or to BM's family.
Then I might also volunteer to order the food (trays at Costco or the grocery store) for your DH to pick up along with chips, soda, paper plates, and disposable cups and perhaps box wine and a cake. He can do the food setup, play host, and clean up.
Done.
Where is the Bio mom in all
Where is the Bio mom in all of this? Why isn't SHE throwing HER daughter a Graduation party? Your stepdaughter wanted to go live with her so let HER throw SD a damn party! I am so sorry that you are dealing with that stress! Why is it that the bio's and step kids always put everything in the step parent?! The step is then stressed out and has no time for his or herself but everyone else is kicked back and chilling! So sick of raising someone else's kid b/c they are too damn lazy to be a parent and want to be a Disney parent (both sides of parenting) !!
I wouldn't throw her a party. You said NO and someone else with do it at the last moment or their precious baby girl will not have a damn party. IT IS NOT YOR FAULT!! You sound like you have been there for all of them and they expect more and more from you. JUST DINT DI IT!!