I need advice with step-son....
Hey everybody!
Its been a long time since Ive been on here and for good reasons but ill talk about that at a later date. I just really need advice with SS, I feel sad that I have to go to my computer for this but people who are not step-parents cant relate and its very hard to get a helpful opinion. At one point I thought it was better to ask my mother in law for advice thinking she being SS grandma and a older woman whom I respected would be beneficial. However, she accused me of saying SS was stupid.
So I no longer contact her nor do we have a relationship because she/SS grandma dislikes me. So heres what I need advice/opinions on. Stepkids have house chores that they do every Friday and basic stuff during weekdays like make their beds and wash dishes. Stepdaughter does the chores with ease everyday. Shes not perfect but she does her chores without being asked. SS on the other hand has to be reminded everyday and on Fridays. He doesn't even make his bed in the morning or brush his teeth.....I know its gross! Ive told him numerous times to do these basic things but he just wont do it, so I just leave it alone.
I guess the thing that bothers me the most about this is that SD is expected to do her chores ect. But SS gets away with it unless I bring it up. Mind you he 14 years old. Hes capable of knowing whats expected and when hes wrong. If anybody has suggestions for new ways of discipline I would greatly appreciate it! Right now the only forms of discipline is groundings from video games.
His dad doesn't think its a
His dad doesn't think its a problem, or he will make it seem like his son does what hes told but its not the case at all. Ive brought up the problems to the dad several times but he seems to get irritated or nothing is done at all. For the most part I enforce rules or consequences, but as of lately I have realized they should know better and I have stopped saying anything because its not really my job. I guess I just want the kids to have some sort of structure....so I do what I can
Exactly, and its sad but I
Exactly, and its sad but I think sometimes its the only way to have some peace
How long have you been with
How long have you been with DH? I only asked because I joined the "picture" when my SS was 15. He hadn't done a chore a day in his life. In the 3 years we lived together before he went to college I think he cleaned his bathroom (which he had all to himself) TWICE. It made me freaking CRAZY. I finally gave up. I came into their (his and his Dad's life) too late to make any changes stick.
Dad wouldn't make him do anything or enforce any consequences at all. Ultimately, I gave up. If you're introducing these tasks at 14 with no support from your husband it might be better to not get your hopes up.
Or, you can hire someone to do the chores and let hubby pay for it since it's his kid that's not doing what you (I imagine politely) ask.
I have been with him for 8
I have been with him for 8 years now. So Ive known his son since he was 8 years old. I have been working with SK that long so far SD has it down and does everything without being asked. But just like your experience my DH will not enforce anything, or be consistent in the rules.
What I find odd is that DH wants them to learn how to clean ect..but wont make them do it but yes I have also given up in enforcing anything I was just hoping their was a magic pill haha thank you!
disengage from SS - he
disengage from SS - he obviously does not listen to you.... simply start with DH - tell him.. SD does her chores, please see to it that SS does his, it's unfair to treat your daughter differently then your son, she's not Cinderella..
Reward SD as long as she keeps this up.....
Thank you for this! I feel
Thank you for this! I feel like I'm starting to definitely step back and rethink my approach with him, because your right what I was doing wasn't working. So lately what Ive been doing so I don't drive myself insane is not saying a word if something he should be doing isn't done. Then later when his dad get home Ill tell him what was left undone without fussing about it too much.
I'm done playing his game for shure, again thank you!
Hi Echo, I couldn't agree
Hi Echo, I couldn't agree more. It was tough in my household back in those days because even when Daddy Dearest "imposed" the consequences. My personal fave was when we came home from my husband's step-mom's funeral (she was his step Mom for 3 decades and he loved her very much) and SS15 (at the time) who was specifically requested to spend the night with his BM while we were gone brought over half a dozen teenagers (co-ed) that we found sleeping on our living room floor when we came home a few hours early.
I thought 2 weeks of being grounded was appropriate (even though it would suck for me/us because more kid time for that two weeks). "We" decided a week with his cell phone only able to call Mom/Dad/911 for a week was fair (I thought this was bullshit, but whatever).
Disney gave the phone back inside of 2 days.
Not trying to be a buzzkill... but this stuff is hard.