We have one bank account that our main income goes into, to pay the bills and buy the food, etc. We also have separate accounts for extra money that we make or get along the way. He has a side business, I get any overtime pay for myself. I have the first $100 taken out of my regular check every pay period for a Christmas account. We have four kids between us (SS and my three BKs). So 26 pay periods a year=$2600. Technically, that Christmas money is both of ours and what usually pays for our kids' Christmas.

DH did mention that he has extra money saved up from jobs the past couple months, but I am not in favor of giving one kid a Christmas that costs double or triple what the others are getting. My kids are grown, and honestly ask for nothing. But I am not giving them less just because they ask for nothing. Plus, if I gave them $50 for Christmas, they would sincerely thank me for it. If I went all out and got that computer for SS....*crickets*

I agree, it's a ridiculous amount. I remember the days (pre-DH) when I didn't have to really save up for Christmas. I bought what I could, as I could. He had asked me how much I normally spent on the kids for Christmas the first year we were together. I told him around $1000. He said, "yeah, me too." He actually thought I spent $1000 on each kid. I was like...no, TOTAL.

Speaking of wine, I appreciate the reminder. I just ran out after five days with SS.

I wish I could "opt out" of the gift giving. It's such a joke, anyway. SS starts buttering DH up mid-November with extra visits and calls. That all goes *poof* as soon as the gifts are opened. I just hate that my DH is oblivious to it, even though it's happened every year I've known him.

I know. What a deal. It was so considerate of him to say we didn't have to get him anything else.

SS buys DH something, with our money. Just like he does BM. I'll be so glad when he is grown.

Well, I feel like I have put my foot down on this one. I've told DH it's too much, even half. And reminded him of the last gaming system we bought him, then had to tack on all the accessories, because "how could we expect to buy him something he couldn't even play?" I'm some kind of a heartless bitch...

You kill me!!! I am dying. But mostly because exactly what you're saying is true. I've said this here before, but if you've ever seen the commercial where that kid calls his grandma to get him a fresh soda and she walks by him with her walker to get it while he's gaming....THAT'S my SS. He literally would text his mom or grandma to get him a sweet tea. And they would.

SS is currently discontent at his mom's because of his stepdad, so I don't see him staying there any longer than he has to. Our marriage will not work if he lives with us, that I know for a fact. So the next couple years will be interesting for sure. But I am at peace with whatever happens. I think once you let go of the notion that you will save your marriage at any cost, you are free. And that I am.

You are so right. I remember years of looking forward to Christmas. That has been replaced with a feeling of dread.

Same here. Probably every other year. I always tell DH no to the extended warranty, because he's just going to want something newer, bigger, and better before the factory warranty is up anyway. We are far from filthy rich, but SS didn't get the memo.

My SS used to spend all his time with his grandmother, who lived across the street from BM. BGM used to give him everything he wanted. BGM died. BM's dad is still alive, although a very low quality of life, practically a vegetable. SS never goes there now, because grandpa can't do anything for him.

SS is a pretty big boy already. He claims he wants to join the service, but he would have to lose nearly 100 pounds to do that.

It seems like throughout the year, there is constant talk about how BM and DH are trying, TRYING, trying to get him to get a life (my words, not theirs). I am pretty far removed from the equation, as it was my best move to keep my sanity. But DH will still come to me when there are problems with SS and tell me what they feel they should do to correct the issue. I always tell him that we (by the gifts) and BM are simply enabling him by giving him all these things. All the gaming stuff in the world basically guarantees he will not leave his room and become productive. I usually spout off one strong sentence about it, and let it go. Wish him luck, basically, because that's what he will need.

I can't begin to tell you how many dollars worth of unused/unloved toys we gave away when we moved. SS went through his room with me and kept barely any of it. Such a huge waste.

I barely get involved in buying anything for SS at all, unless it requires me ordering it online. My effort matches his gratitude.

That's exactly what I am doing. I've already told DH as much. But for some reason, I don't think he knows the discussion is over.

You're so right. My kids went without a lot when they were growing up. Every single one of them has come to me at one point or another and have said some version of "I wouldn't have wanted it any other way." They are all independent, caring people. Happy people.

I am definitely going to use the comparisons regarding the addictions you've given when we talk about this again. You're absolutely right. This kid admitted at the age of ten that he was addicted to video games, and he has been indulged, enabled, and provided for in every way possible. It's ridiculous.

My DH has always maintained that our kids could live with us (mine were grown when we got married). I was the one who said no to that (without stipulations, anyway...like having a job, etc.). But I know he will probably use that down the road to open the door to the mooching SS. I'm mentally prepared for that. My first grandbaby is on the way. It would take nearly nothing to make me move closer to that baby. DH knows it.

What he is wanting is an ASUS Desktop PC G20CI Gaming Console. I said the very same thing about how he could ask for that big of a gift with a straight face. It blows my mind.

Your last line is really what sums this whole conversation up. That's exactly how I see it, too.

I don't like the idea of splitting the gifts, but that just may be me.

What he is wanting is an ASUS Desktop PC G20CI Gaming Console.

Believe it or not, he would totally indulge me. That's part of the problem. He is sweet to a fault. He wants the people he loves to have what they want to have. But he sees the problems that arise from giving a child everything he wants already, so you'd think he would think about that.

One time, very early in our relationship, I had this talk with SS:

"SS, your dad is by far the sweetest person I have ever known. He loves you and I so much, he would give us anything we could ever want. But it's our job to show him love by not taking him up on every little offer."

SS laughed and said, "He just makes it so easy. He gives me whatever I ask for. If we go to the mall, I don't even have to say I want something; all I have to say is that something is cool, and he will get it for me."

This conversation was had because SS shows no empathy for anyone, and will take advantage of my DH's generosity. And the entire conversation took place on our back deck, with DH sitting right between us.

I think this sounds like a fantastic idea!!! Of course, that's just me. His parents would most likely scoff, like he's supposed to get enjoyment from a gift, not work!! They would be appalled at the suggestion.

Good for your boy getting that scholarship, that is awesome!! I wish my SS was the least bit inspired for the future. Your son was lucky enough to have someone kick him off the couch and make him get a job. That will never happen here, at least until he graduates. Even then, I have my doubts. His parents still view him as the eight-year-old little boy he was when they divorced. It's like they stunted his growth in their own minds by divorcing.

That's the part I don't understand. Had one of my kids asked for something like that, I would have literally laughed out loud in their face and told them to get a freaking job. But this is a child who has been given what he wants constantly. So I guess I get it, to a point.

We took him to the gym with us once. He complained the whole time. Sat like a lump. Wouldn't look around. He would never go.

I like the way you think.

Just like you, it doesn't matter how much money or effort I've ever put into it, not one single thank you. SS also made the comments about how he wanted to hurry up and get to BM's so he could get back to his gifts.

If my DH decides on his own that he will take his own money to make sure this happens for SS, I will be pissed, but will also see it as a blessing. I will be removed from the contribution, not just this year, but every year to come. I will do exactly as you do from this point forward. If DH wants me to contribute, then he will stick by our budget.

It's a given that it would be at BM's. I will give him credit, he does take care of his things. But if it did break, I would certainly not feel any obligation to fix it.

It's way too much for a Christmas present. Period.

I was deemed to be hateful when I expected SS to take his own things out of boxes in his room when we moved. It was literally about 15 minutes worth of work (clothes already on a hanger, games had to be put on shelves). DH told me we don't bring him here to work. :O I don't care...whatever he doesn't want to make SS do, DH gets to do.

Well, you sound like a downright responsible adult!

YAAAASSSSS!! Oh my gosh. Best idea ever.

I told my DH exactly this, that even rich people don't buy their kids something that costs that much. They don't want them to grow up entitled. He says, "well a lot of them do..."

I thought we had settled on a monetary gift of $300. But DH and BM are still entertaining the thought. She told him just today that she found it cheaper at Best Buy. I looked on their website, it is $1599.99. The cheapest we had found it anywhere was $1625. So they got it knocked down a whopping $25. BM is loading SS up to take him to Best Buy to see what they can find out. This is ridiculous. And also not happening.