I agree with what tigerlily said - she is jealous of the new baby and wanted to hurt you by saying this - it doesn't mean it is true.

I was going to suggest this too, that you actually confront her, on your own, about this. I don't buy the argument that teens will be teens, because a) rude behavior should never be so flippantly excused, and b) we are not the moms, right? You can't have it both ways. We are either the mom or mom-like or we are not. SMs are reminded all the time, we are not, so a teen coming after SM should be handled no more differently than a teen coming after some other relative's spouse. If a teen told aunt Marie she hated her and was just faking liking her, how do you think aunt Marie's spouse and all of the other relatives in the family would act? BMs (and bio-dads) may feel they have to suck it up and take it for their own children, but these are not SMs own children, and we are not the mom, right?

So, since you seem to have a previous good relationship with her, I'd suggest you sit down with her and speak with her about this. She said she didn't want the relationship to be awkward, so you can use that as a good excuse. "SD, I just want to clear the air with you on this. . ." If anything, it will give you more information, such as, either she apologizes and says she didn't mean it, or such, or she admits there was some truth to it, so you can either discuss that further with her, disengage, or ___?

It's nothing to do with BM, my SD also got to this stage lol... and believe me yours a nothing compared to mine, simply disengage from her,

Se made it clear, that's how she feels, fine she's allowed to feel what she feels, but you are allowed to feel what you feel, SD broke the trust and you can simply disengage from her, no more driving her around nothing, Respect her wishes, she does not like you, thus you stay out of her way and have a min contact as possible..... she can ask her Mother...

The whole thing here is the loyalty thing, when these girls are young they tell BM things from your home and as soon as BM finds out you are helping her children she feels threatened and that you are taking over as mum, thus the poisoning starts, blood is thicker then water, you are not going to get this to change, the more you try the more SD will pull back with BM's support, simply disengage, BM can step up and parent her daughter, make it clear to DH as well, You will not be the driver, maid etc. It stops now. Stop trying to explain and stop trying to make it work, simply take 2 steps back and write her off..... As soon as you are not in her life anymore and not doing anything for her, BM will pull back as well, this does not mean you have to step right back in, you simply smile and say, Sorry Hon, once bitten twice shy, you made a choice years ago and now you have to live with that choice. I've been where you are, disengagement is the only thing that will work for you, focus on the SS and the new baby.

He should be running it by you, you are his wife! I always think that rather than giving these long explanations to kids trying to explain why dad changed? and/or why SM does what she does, the best, if not easiest answer, would just be to say, "We are married. That is my wife. We share a household. Married couples work together on pretty much all matters, and if you don't understand or see this now, you certainly will when you are married." Again, it is about treating kids like kids and spouses like spouses.

Another thing is kids, even teenagers, soak up things from parents or mentors like a sponge, and oftentimes, they don't have the ability to reflect back and realize that, "Hey, maybe I'm just parroting what so-and-so said." Heck!, even a lot of adults can't figure this out. Such as, after years of BM or some other relatives telling them dad is a deadbeat and SM is an intruder and you don't have to accept her, even then some adult SKs will just simply think it must be true because that is how they feel it vs. attempting to look back at the facts or see how those feelings were initiated. Adult SKs will not go against anything BM says or does, because they have long been convinced that she is the only one who ever had their back, and this may be true, but the truth also is that BM may have worked very hard behind the scenes to keep up that impression--to keep bio-dad and SM at bay and away from HER children via poisoning the well, PAS'ing, and so on. And, oftentimes it works. It takes a strong and intelligent adult down the road to not only go about analyzing why they have these negative feelings towards bio-dad and SM, but also to admit that those negative feelings were induced by someone else in the family way back when vs. being based on much reality.

If this type of deal is going on, and it sounds like it may be, I agree it's best to give her some space and see how it plays out for a bit. She can't insult someone and then say, "She doesn't want things to be awkward!" This is implying that the burden is on you to not make things awkward. When it reality, she has already made them such herself. Years later, you may hear something like, "I just told my SM how I felt and she's made things so awkward for me since then." What the heck did she think would happen? BMs and others can do a good job of making a SM look like dad's thing-on-the-side that no one really has to take seriously. Dad, needs to make sure that his kids take you seriously. And, he needs to remind them that you are his wife and you will be treated at least like dad's wife. His children are his children, and they don't get to control your household.

Sorry, but this is more-so a myth and underestimates the ability of peers, BM, and others to undermine dad's wife responsibility and authority (most think she has none). Yes, it may happen that if SM "is the bigger person," a/k/a sucks it up and takes it over and over, that SD will come around. However, it may not. No one can say for sure, and in the meantime, SM is expected to suck it up and wait for the special day when a light bulb finally goes off in her SK's head. Some of us have been waiting 25 years, and it still hasn't come.

I know what you are saying, but at the same time, to say, "She will look back on this when she is older and be embarrassed that she treated someone who was loving this way," no one can say for sure. She might. She might not. She might continue to put on, or at her wedding, she might not even invite SM or worse, make sure SM gets humiliated in public by pretending like dad's wife doesn't even exist and insisting that SM sit in the back nor be in any pictures. Any of this could easily be SM's "reward" in the future. It is pretty much a crap shoot, and SM herself has very little control over the situation. For the most part, BM and bio-dad do. So, for SM to keep being the "bigger person" is a moot point. She could be a bigger person for 25 years, only to wind up with nada, and then once her husband passes away, have all the skids circling like vultures waiting for the final kill.

Who knows? I've seen all of the above or worse over on the adult SK page. You don't need to take my word for it. Check it out. SMs need to look out for themselves because way too many people have this stereotype that SMs need to just hang in there, suck it up, and wait around for some kind of payoff. In reality, it may never come.

P.S. This has happened to many of us, "I’m going through a grieving process of grieving the family that I thought I had." Almost four years later, I'm still working on it.