I posted my situation on here yesterday but can't seem to find my post. I apologize if anybody has seen it and commented.

The last time I posted was last year regarding my spouses step son (age 21) and some of the difficulties we were having with him residing with us for three years. My spouse was in a long term relationship before him and I met, and his ex girlfriend had two children (ages 5 and 6) that he helped raise for 7 years and continued to be in contact after they broke up. We have been together for 5 years now, and in May 2014 his step son asked to live with since his mother was moving to another town for work and he did not want to go. He was given 6 months notice to find another place to live one year ago and moved in with some high school friends of September 2017. The step son was very lazy, did not help with anything around our home, did not clean up after himself most of the time, and worked part time and played video games all night until 6 am. It was very frustrating, however he did pay a monthly rent of $400 that included everything- meals, laundry, shampoo/body wash toothpaste, and heat/electricity of course. Since he has moved out he has had to take on a lot of more responsibility and even has to buy his own groceries and has now finally got himself a full time job that pays decent wage . It is very nice to hear because he had absolutely no ambition, goals or priorities when he lived with us. I am relieved to know he is doing well. My spouse was very worried on having him live on his own but we both new he would live with us forever if he could. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, finally this brings me to my next life scenario.

Now my Kid brother (19) lives with us as of two months ago. :? . My brother was residing with out mother, however our mother is not mentally stable. She can be unreliable, unstable, moody, and also has an alcohol addiction. I chose to live with our grandparents at age 12, and my brother has been there most of his teen years. However our grandparents were forced to sell their home last August(2017) and moved into a one bedroom small place. My brother has slept on their couch a few times when things are unstable at home. He asked if he could stay with us until he gets a better job to move out, and finds a place of his own. Rent in our city is highly priced and is not affordable for the average person. Therefore he is renting a room downstairs of our home, and I have helped him with a Reseme, taken him to places to hand resemes out. He was working a casual labour job and being paid the same day through a local work program that is day work but it is not permanent or part time just when someone is needed. He has finally got a full time job he starts in two weeks and will be paid a decent wage. He wants to reside with us as he feels comfortable, and there is stability and a happier/healthier home and he is not ready to be on his own yet. My spouse and I have agreed he can stay for now, since he has been pulling his weight around the house which means hes cleaning up after himself,helping with dishes, and helping me around the house when he is not working . I have to say I am very proud of him as he has taken on a lot of responsibility the last two months and everyone close to us has commented how wonderful he doing.

Recently my kid brothers friend was sleeping in my brothers truck outside our house. I was not aware as my brother was worried to tell me because he did not want me to be angry at him and ask him to go back and live with our mother. I told him to bring his friend in and give him a warm meal and a warm bed to sleep for the night ( we have snow outside ). I spoke to the friend the next day to find out what is going on and he gave very little information but that his parents asked him to leave (kicked him out) and he has nowhere to go, but he is working two jobs and offered to give us some money to stay with us. He had no plan on what to do at that moment. I of course agreed, feeling sorry him and I felt it was the right thing to do was to help him. He was working two jobs and trying to get things in order. He has had a full time job since he was 16. He is sharing a room with my brother, and he bought his own groceries. He gave me $300 the beginning of February and it was appreciated from us. My spouse had told him and my brother rent is due on the first of every month.

However, now I feel I have made a huge mistake and feel awfully terrible because now it puts myself and my spouse in a terrible position and my spouse is angry with me. The friend has not paid his share of his rent and doesn't seem to be bothered by it? In fact, yesterday it was due but he had no aknowledgment of it and he was reminded rent is due and ignored the comment. I felt he was perhaps embarrassed but he was on his way to work. Today he did not come upstairs, and he got up and left the house right away to catch the bus for work as he works 9 days in a row this round. My spouse is livid. I am feeling more empathetic but at the same time I feel the friend has made himself very comfortable in our home. He isn't cleaning up after himself, and my brother complains on how messy their room is and he is sick of it and has even told the friend that but he just doesn't seem to care? The friend was beginning to ask for rides to work ALL the time, and I had to put my foot down and explain he needs to catch the bus and on time. Unfortunately we live far out of the city and buses only come up here twice a day. He has absolutely no sense of time. He would wake up or go for a nap before work and then be rushed to catch the bus and miss it, several times then asking for a ride. My grandparents stayed here when my spouse and I went on holidays and the friend even was asking my grandfather for a ride LAST MINUTE. My grandmother was angry because he had ten minutes to be at work? Thats only some of the issues. He is napping on our couch in our living room regularly and using my spouses x box one. However we never talked to him about boundaries but we just assumed he would " just know". Meanwhile we put our childrens TV from our family living room downstairs for them to use so they are not in our space. Our electricity bill has gone up an extra $300 (in two months) and my spouse is very angry as I am.

Yesterday I had gone to receive my kids from school and came home to notice he was making coffee (his own coffee since we dont drink coffee) then using our milk (which is fine) but I have never seen him do this until now because he bought his own milk. PLUS I had left over supper in the fridge yesterday and he helped himself to it, which he never does. However we have offered him supper (when he is home and not working) when he cook it to be polite. He usually declined. he only bought frozen pizzas and three bags of perogies which he completely lived off of for 1 month, and a carton of eggs which has run out a few days ago. I felt bad for the kid but now that he is doing this and rent was due 2 days ago I feel were being taken advantage of. Is it fair to say this?
I noticed the past month his maturity level is very low when hes almost 21, plus with my kids around too (swearing) He is obsessed with being a rapper, and actually he has even recorded two songs and rapped in a local concert at a club last year. (my brother told me before he moved in) HiS parents are apparently nice people, a nice home, 4 other siblings but it sounds they were trying to help him. however he was getting in trouble with the law- bar fights and got charged and missing probation time and his father told him to leave (not following rules). He comes and goes here as he pleases of course. He has no sense of responsibility meaning being on time, catching the bus on time and very dependent on my brother for help or asking me but I had to explain I cant be driving him to work he needs to be on time for the bus. So he hasn't asked me since. my brother assumes he spent all of his rent money on pointless stuff because he was out buying $300 JEANS three weeks ago and other pointless stuff. Yet he has no money for March rent? My brother is livid, but I told him to just find out what is going on. My brother said his friend told him he is depressed and suicidal..(three weeks ago).

Apparently he was fired from one of his jobs ( at a restaurant) because he was not showing up on time. He has to walk a long ways from the bus stop to get to work I know this. He has a new job at a new restuarant closer, but still has to take the bus from our place which still only comes at two certain times. I honestly don't think he aknowledges rent is due, or just doesn't care because he is acting as if it is no big deal even when he was reminded? Today he hurried out the door once he woke up at noon without even talking to me.
Regardless.. I know he has some issues with ADHD (he told me he was diagnosed at a young age). I just don't feel like taking on this responsibility of someone with this mental capability when I already have three children, my brother (one of my kids has ADHD himself ) and I just feel irritated. It isn't my responsibility. I also am in the social work field, and I work with HOMELESS women at a shelter. We have one male shelter that beds 115 men but it is very limited, and caotic there unfortunately. I would hate to see this kid go there, but at this point he may not have any other options because my spouse and I are explaining to him he needs to find a new place as soon as possible. I also fear this kid is going to be angry, and lash out. I have heard he has done this in the past but only with his friends when they were at a party involving alcohol (that is why he is being charged). I am super worried but I know we would just call the police to remove him off property- hopefully it does not come down to this of course. Sorry for the long vent.

Has anyone else experienced this? Had a similar problem? I just want re assurance We are making the right decisions.