Should I say something to my SS's mother?
Hi, all:
Hope everyone's doing well today! I need some opinions!
I wrote last week about my SS's mother bringing up inappropriate/unnecessary memories to my finace about their relationship. I've seen her twice since she upset me and I feel like my coldness is showing.
Our wedding is in 4-1/2 weeks and it could just be that it's bothering her more than she thought it would that he really is remarrying... and that's what's leading her to call him more (under the guise of talking about my SS). I won't be surprised if she comes out and asks me if I have a problem with her. Actually, she'll probably ask my fiance if I'm mad at her, or something. Yes, I'm mad at her!!! I want her to edit herself when she talks to my future husband. Even moreso, I want her to just call him less.
My sweet SS is only almost 4 years old and his mother will be in our lives for a long, long time. I don't want to keep fuming about things she says, but how do I bring it up without seeming like the psycho?
Has anybody else been through this?! Thanks!
SMIT
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Comments
It is up to your fiance
First let me say that some of the things that your fiance's ex is chit chatting about with him are definately inappropriate!
My question is, what does he say when she starts off on her trip down memory lane? He is going to have to be the one to tell her that he doesn't want to go there. He will have to tell her that she needs to call only if there is a problem or issue that concerns their son.
Even if you did talk to her yourself, she probably wouldn't listen because it is coming from you and not him. He has to let her know that HE has a problem with it.
I don't know if that helps or not but I hope it does.
Dawn
He does need to tell her...
THANK YOU for agreeing that she's out of line.
My fiance SHOULD be the one to tell her to stop bringing things up, but it's like I wrote to you last week--men look at things differently than we do. He understood that I didn't like her "conception" story but didn't get why it was such a big deal to me. I never said anything to him about her telling me what it was like to move into their house with him when they were married because I knew it was pointless. He tells me everything, so I know I'll hear about the next silly thing she brings up. When it does, I'm going to have to calmly ask him to ask her to work on shifting the relationship she has with him.
My girlfriends have all agreed that she's "trying" things as the wedding gets closer, whether she's aware of it, or not. Craziest thing is, the few friends I've talked to about this have all come to the exact same conclusion in separate conversations without any prompting from me.
"Back Off"
Your need to talk to your husband and tell him how you really feel about the situation. Tell him that he needs to tell her to back off and that the relationship is over and that he is in love with you and not her. She needs to get her own life. Tell your husband to tell her that he will only listen to things pertaining issues about the child and that is it. Your husband needs to stand firm on that and get it straight with her. If he really loves you he'll do what you say.
hang in there
hey - i'm just 1 yr past becoming a step mom and i can totally understand where you are.... my husband's ex really isn't too cooey towards him so much, but still imagines herself as part of his family - she still refers to his family members as grandma, brother, etc.... tells his brother that he needs to give her a call - shouldn't forget his sister, etc. etc. It's funny to me b/c they were apart for a LONG time b4 I came into the picture.
Anyway, I say just do what you can to try to focus primarily on you, your soon to be hubby and your precious little step son. (Much esier said than done) but you really do have to leave the handling of it to him. if you try to handle it, at all, it will only back fire. It's hard to have so much invested and so little control, but it seems to me that that's just the way it is.