Nothing Will Ever Change
I went to work yesterday and thought that my boyfriend would have addressed his daughter's escapade from the night before when she snuck out of the house and the biomom insisted that they would have a group meeting. I left work to go home to the stepdaughter having painted her bedroom, made a mess of the garage, and appeared to have no punishment in place. Now mind you, when my daughter (who lives with us on a full-time basis and is a year old) was grounded for being somewhere she wasn't supposed to be for a whole month with no phone, no internet and no leaving the house except for work and school. His daughter, who is 15 and is only with us because she is not happy with her mom's rules and her mom can't control her behavior, snuck out of the house with her boyfriend whom she is forbidden to be alone with, has only had her cell phone taken away by her biomom, the boyfriend asked her why she snuck out and she said "because I wnated to" and the mom didn't address the problem either. Then after dinner, the stepdaughter went to the mall with her grandmother - some punishment - I give up. She has the run of the house and can do no wrong and, if she does, that's okay too.
- smcpaw's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
How does your husband deal
How does your husband deal with discipline when it comes to your daughter? Does he believe in it? Understand how it works? Help enforce groundings, etc. I'm assuming that you take the lead when it comes to teaching your daughter what's appropriate.
You must be so frustrated!! This is your home as well!! Would your husband ever consider kicking her out! Tough Love!! Follow my rules or theres the door, it swings 1 way only!! Send her back to Mom...and next time Mom calls..cause she can't control her..tough..you made your bed..or daughter wants to come back cause mom is trying to have rules..tough..the revolving door is now closed!! Things would have to come to a head eventually!!
I felt very disrespected in my home when my SD lived with us. She had no respect for our home, it was her personal pig-sty. (Otherwise she wasn't in trouble or anything.) We cooked, cleaned, and got stuck with her laundry...most of the time she knew that it was me..she was inconveniencing. I kind-of felt that she had the run of the place..an arrogance of entitlement! The only way I kept my sanity...was knowing that she was getting ready to move in with her boyfriend..and I didn't have to live like that for long!!!
My sister-in-law, also a second wife, reached her breaking point with SK's years ago. They were 13 ish, moved into her home as did their Dad..when they got married and set out make her miserable. They would call their Mom, with 2nd wife right beside them on the couch and say..."Ya It's right here beside me!" They would let bio-mom in to her home to rummage through her stuff!!!" She fumbled around for awhile trying to deal with them..then had enough! She kicked them out. Told her husband if he wanted to live with his children he could get an apartment and spend time with them there. She would not stand for their nonsense (encouraged 100% by Bio-mom)!!
That's the extreme... But you do have rights in your own home! I hope you & your husband can come to an agreement on how to deal with this, without causing too much turmoil between you!
I've Tried Everything
My boyfriend and I discuss my daughter's discipline as a partnership. Unfortunately, when it comes to his daughter he has blinders on and a soft spot because of the guilt he feels because he never sees her. I'm about ready to throw in the towel because despite my efforts to enforce some rules, I'm the only one still unhappy and no rules are enforced. Again, the daughter gets what she wants and the mother isn't ready to deal with her yet so in the meantime I have to bite my tongue and have sleepless nights...Oh well, poor me.
I did alot of tongue-biting!
I did alot of tongue-biting! I found my "happy-place" (lol) and when I would feel the frustration building I just made a conscious effort to relax and not let things I had little control over drive me crazy!! (I can't control what others do...just my reaction to it!!) It really works!
(Of course, I blow of steam here from time to time!!!That really helps too!!!)
Always Count on Something to Change
Dear smcpaw,
I really feel your frustration and wish that there was something that I could do for you that would magically make it all better. I can tell you when you say that things will never change, that you're wrong about that. Every day things change. Even if it's in a small way, something changes. I know right now you're really tired, frustrated, probably resentful of your SD and maybe biomom, possibly annoyed with your BF, but know that it won't always be like this. Today is just one isolated day. You need to do some things to just take of yourself and make yourself happy. Whether it's reading a book, seeing a movie, visiting a friend, but do something to take your mind off the situation. Get away from it. Isolate yourself more from it. Try and make some time to talk to your boyfriend about what is bothering you. And then let it go. You're going to have to wait to see if your BF is going to make some changes. That's pretty much where things are. We are all here for you and know you are frustrated but try and keep yourself involved in some other things which will help you not to be so upset. But continue to let us know how you are doing.
Regards,
Sweetie
It seems like you are the
It seems like you are the only ones who cares...well care no more, you've done everything possible. I would just ignore the whole thing and do nothing.
I agree with happy mom
You truly show concern for your SD. Maybe you should do as happy mom suggests & step back. Do something for yourself, & do it soon.