It was one of the weekends where I wake up on Saturday morning and instantly wish I was back living my "single-parent" lifestyle. My two kids would wake in the mornings and it was just quiet around the house.

Boy, it's far from that now. My husband and my eyes are openend suddenly from the SS's noises, beeps, whistles, stomps, clamping, dancing, etc. movements. He's telling everybody to "shut-up!", "move over!", "I hate this show!".......and as my hubby is running for his medication, I'm wishing for the quiet days.

So, I get up and jump in the shower (something else that I have to do now. I used to be able to lounge around in my pj's for most of the morning, but now it's easier to just wake up, shower, and be attentive since the SS needs constant supervision).

SS, who is 7, suffers from depression, bi-polar, anxiety, severe OCD, and is abusive, both physically and emotionally. He has been on medication for 4 months now, and things have slowed down about 50%.

It was a normal weekend where the other three are asking for friends to come over and such......but SS woke up in one of his moods. We instantly wish that we could have a house visit from his psychiatrist because we usually are left trying to think of anything to get this boy to stop.

Therapy is a struggle for SS because he walks in there on his high horse and acts like he is just the best kid on the block....He is unable to be in a normal classroom because he is abusive and his mouth is horrible. My husband and I go to marriage counseling every week, and even though we are deeply in love, compasionate towards each other, teammates, and best-friends......moments get tense between us because even though he is trying his best, SS is not truly my son, so my hands are virtually tied, and this causes tension between husband and I. Therapy helps and keeps our communication open, and we are able to get ideas on how to handle the SS. This is a full time job with 20 hours of overtime a week.

I'm needing to vent today because I could not beleive how badly I wished I was somewhere else this weekend. One way I knew that I was surely upset was that I was at Target with my daughter and neighbor girl, and I actually couldn't find anything to buy......That's a complete shocker since Target is an easy $100 stop for most people, including me. I was like a zombie and my husband was tense. I was trying to get away.

We have my two and his two children full time with my two going to their fathers every other weekend. A pretty stable situation, and I'm very thankful for this. However, SS/SD are SUPPOSED to go to mom's every other weekend, but she is not mentally capable of doing this. She's totally capable of doing everything else, but handling her children. So we do it for her. Which is fine, but she is the biggest piece of work I have ever seen. My hatred towards her used to be outragous, but as I saw her behavior patterns, and was able to anticipate her actions to the second, I realized that what I needed to do was forget about her and help take care of her son who is suffering the same disease, and abuse that she suffers and has caused him.

BM has attempted suicide in front of her two children, let her daughter watch her bulemia episodes, and continually watch mom drink herself to "Calmness", many times. WE have come to realize that BM might not get better.

We don't push for the children to see their mother anymore, and the only reason we did is because they cry for her at night, and if they know she is supposed to come, they dance around the house and look out the window waiting for her. In other words, we tried and prayed that she would be a different person. She is dangerous and the kids aren't safe any longer when they are with her. What is the saddest is watching them walk in the door after their visit. SD is sullen and "doesn't want to talk about it", and SS is inconsolible (sp?), and VERY ANGRY. Completely understandable. So, we don't push for visits and our phone calls from her are completely screened and usually only answered after a voicemail. When she says that she wants to see the kids, my husband now tells her "that's a great idea, why don't you call back in a couple hours and we'll decide what time".....She never calls back. So, we never tell the kids about these phone calls, and she never tells us the next day what her excuse was.

Lately, she has been picking them up on Thursdays after school to go have dinner and bring them home at 5pm. Well, the past 3 out of 7. She left an email this morning saying that she couldn't make it on Thursday. She is incredibly vulgar in her discussions with husband about the kids, me, and him, however.....when she can't be there for the kids, she automatically assumes I will be.

Ahhhh.......ladies. I feel better. So much more I could type, but just getting this out makes me feel better. I feel bad for my husband because he worries all day, so I hate complaining to him. Being able to type this here has taken a load off of him, and he doesn't even know about this site. I don't think I will tell him since it is working to his benefit.

Only wish we could start a "in person" support group.

I hope everyone has a great day.

heather