not sure what to do
My fiance has a 14yr daughter. She rude, manipulative, spoiled, and jealous of our relationship. She tries to come between me and her father mentally, and phyically. For example she'll sit or walk next to him so I can't and she tries to get us to fight , so I'll leave. I don't know what to do?
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trouble the teen
How the deal with a rude, manipulative, spoiled, and jealous teen. she'll try to do anything to break me and her father up. Help!
Have you tried
To talk to your BF about this? If you have and he is not seeing this.
There are a few things you can do.
1. start doing things while she is there so you do not have to spend time with her.
2. talk to her maybe and see if you cannot start a friendship with her. It will be hard especially at her age. But you have to work at it and let her know that you are not trying to take her "daddy" away from her.
That a lot of it.. she is jealous of you because you are in a sense replacing her being the only woman in his life. She needs to know that you are not taking her place and that you are there for her as well as for him. She needs to be able to feel comfortable with you which is in a sense what you will do by going to her and trying to form a bond with her. Ask her only to a lunch date or something.
That can only help.
Bonding takes time and even then it might not work.
Give bonding a try, but don't be too pushy. Get to know her like you would any new person you meet. Make sure you humanize youself as well by discussing your likes and interests. Play games or cards together. Do activities that make you all three interact. Play miniature golf or bowling and team up against Dad.
Bonding is like a house. It seems to take forever to build and then it takes regular maintenance to keep it in good condition. I always thought marriage was work until my relationship with SD went downhill. Nothing has been harder for me.
Put yourself in her place and do your best to understand it from her point of view. A step is always an easier target than a bio and let me tell you they'll aim at you faster than lightening.
At least you'll know that you've tried your best. If she keeps being a witch, the lack of a relationship will be on her and your fiance will know it as well.
All you can do is your best and it still may not be enough, but that won't be your fault. It'll be her loss.
It's always amazing to me how much room for love step parents have and then how little room skids have.
It's her age
Having taught a few 14 year old girls in my life I can sympathise. I would suggest leaving the two of them to it when she visits. She will probably resist any efforts you make to "bond". That's not to say you shouldn't do so if that's what makes you happy. I might be a bit cynical about this whole bonding thing. Maybe with a young child, but a teen's another story. Give her what she wants - let them spend lots of quality time together and you can catch up with friends, get a massage - do something for yourself! He's a man and he'd rather be with you. You'll be getting lots of calls when he's left to his own devices with her! Her plan wil fail when she learns that she can't control her father's feelings. It worked for me...