still more problems
So I moved the babies Crib into the room, wow what a fight that was. SS threw things at it, and tried to take it apart. I had to get DH set in. We talked to him that now he will have to share the room. But he was so upset. I'm at my wits end. I've tried to move things in slowly, but I always find them in the hall after wards. When Baby is a toddler, I just don't know what to do. there is no way we can afford a 3 bedroom place. And I just don't think it's fair for my daughter to share a room with her brother after that point, we may have to move him to the couch on weekends. But my husband has problems with that idea. And I feel bad that I feel so resentful. So now I'm feeling guilty.
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RE: Still More Problems
DH needs to make it very clear to SS that the throwing things, etc. is unacceptable. He needs to punish him when it happens. The consequences need to be clear and consistent. SS is really in need of reassurance here also. He needs to be talked to about this along the way. He needs warnings about what is coming (i.e. crib will be moved in) and he needs to feel a part of these changes.
It sounds like he's afraid BD is taking his place. And it sounds like perhaps this fear is legitimate. He should not be kicked out of his room to give the baby room. If there is no way that you can get a 3 bedroom place, the kids should share a room. It is important that the SS does not feel less important to his dad or to you because there is another child. It is not SS's fault that he does not get to live with his father 100% of the time, so he should still have a place in the house as if he does. The home is his just as much as it is BD's; even if he does not spend as much time in it. This is more important to him than you probably realize. He is being pushed out of his place in his dad's life, almost literally, and he is upset about it. Offer him lots of reassurances that your and DH's feelings for him have not change; give him a chance to be a part of the changes (maybe he can help decide where furniture goes in the shared room, help paint, help put up a divider of some sort); he needs to be told about how he is the big brother and to be told how proud you guys are that he is being a good big brother, when he does loving/protective/caring things for his sister (which will happen as he feels like his place is safe).
I don't know what to suggest about when your daughter gets older and needs a room of her own even more... is there a way to divide the room in half? Remember that SS did not ask to live apart from his dad and he did not ask for a baby sister. He's innocent in this. The adults need to help him adjust.
Not trying to sound harsh, just being honest about my take on it. It's just my opinion and may not apply to your situation as I cannot possibly know your situation like you do.
Disapline Him
Just reading your other posts, things sound like their getting out of control. I would first talk to him and let him know he has a room at his moms. That dang kid doesn't live there so I don't see any reason why you've waited this long. As for throwing things, and trying to damage the baby's stuff that would be the last time. Don't leave it up to your husband, its your home so you need to disapline especially something that severe. After the talk and when the child goes back home, give your daughter a nice room. Your husband will have to get over it, its reality your family that lives there has to utilize the space. His son is not going to have two rooms and your daughter NONE. Sorry but its a little crazy, imo.
how old is your ss? i'm
how old is your ss? i'm expecting another baby, crib will be in my daughter's room who is 6 yrs old. she welcomes the new baby and even cleared half of her room for the new baby. if it's a boy, he'll have to occupy ss room with ss, if ss throws a fit he is 10 yrs old now, that's just too bad, i'll make the decision and it's final. if ss is not happy with that then he can sleep on the couch. try and see if you can work all the kids together to share the room, up to a certain age I guess. for now they are just going to have to learn to share.
-happy mom