Fiance' admitted he wants 2 work things out w/ex
How do you handle that......our life 2gether is based upon whether or not she wants 2 take him back....which she wasn't the one who wanted the divorce....I know I should just say screw him, but it's so hard because I love him. I'm not surprised at his actions because all of the things he was doing should have prepared me for this i.e. visiting sk @ her house, taking her non driving a#$ where she needs 2 go. I just feel so used, so dumb...I just feel like our whole relationship was a joke. Please help.
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I am soooo Sorry
That must hurt like hell. I know you love him but how can you have a relationship with this guy knowing he still wants his ex? This will kill your trust and self esteem and NO MAN is worth that. If a man needs to choose between me and someone else I wouldnt give him the choice. Run and run fast!!!! He is not the one for you.
Thanks 2 both of u....
It's just so hard......he says he feels guilty because he didn't try to make things work....then he had the nerve 2 ask me .... so...hpyothetically speaking, if I leave and try 4 a week and try 2 make things work and they don't....will u take me back? I was asmuch floored as I was hurt by what he asked me....what ba$#s! I said he#$ no....this has all blown my mind....then 2 top everything off....2day was his 19 yr. old's baby shower, whom I got the catering done for....and he finds out that the ex is going and tells me "I don't think it's a good idea 4 u 2 go....." wtf! she isn't the mom of the 19 yr old....I wouldn't care if she goes but why should I stay home because she's going.....not a good day I'm about 2 lose my mind.....
I know you are in a lot of pain
I know you are in a lot of pain but be oh so glad you are the fiancee and not the wife. Read the very clear writing on the wall and walk away now with your head held high. You don't want to spend another minute in this drama! You are worth so much more. And he sounds confused and insensitive at best and a downright selfish a#@h*$$ in actuality! It will hurt like hell but you WILL get over him. If you stay, the pain will be fresh every day!
He Wants His Cake and Eat It too
He wants it both ways. Please don't do that to yourself. Listen I spent 4 years of my life with a man who treated me just like your Fiance. He was my Fiance and I got sick of it one day and just walked out and never turned back. I have a REAL man now. One who loves me and only me. This can happen to you too but you need to let go of this one to find your true love. He is out there. Don't settle for a half of a man.
Thanks everyone.....
Frankly your words of wisdom and my son are the only thing that keeps me from losing what little of my mind I have left. I know I have 2 stay strong 4 my little boy. It does hurt.... a lot and I'm trying to make sense of all of this and find the lesson/reason for all of it and move on....I agree Janice he did wait way 2 long, perhaps he should've figured it out b4 he bought me the ring and put it on my finger.....but at least it was b4 the wedding......I guess this 2 shall pass....huh? thanks again for keeping me going guys!
Thinking of you!
You have the right attitude... at least you found this out before you married him and now you can make an educated, fully-informed decision about what you want to do with the rest of YOUR life. Whether this is something you two can get past and work out, I don't know. I don't think I would want to even try, but like Janice says, you must do what you must do and only YOU can decide what is best for YOU. But we are totally here for you, whatever happens.
~ Anne ~
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
I Think You Now Know He
hasn't been there visiting his kids. The writing is on the wall about many things concerning this guy. Sounds like you have a great job and a lot going on. I also say your little boy needs a brother or sister, and with that give the jerk an ultimatum. If he refuses to be rid of this ex, kick his ass to the curb.
I am so sorry, girl. This
I am so sorry, girl. This really must be a nightmare for you...and I guess I can say that because it was always my biggest fear when with STBX--that he still loved BB and would take her back if not for her new man. I think that it's men like ours, who get into serious relationships WAY before they have any right to even attempt dating, that make many of us "second wives" insecure. I was just posting that it's tough to blend families when either side is still in a state of transition or chaos--and I think your situation really speaks to that.
PLEASE do not let this affect your sense of self. This is one of those times when the line "it's not you, it's me" is actually true. This is NOT about you, or anything you did or didn't do. In fact, judging by your blogs, you are an amazingly patient and caring partner and stepparent. But some people out there just can't let go of their pasts...some are doomed to repeat the same mistakes again and again. You are SO lucky that you haven't married him. You can walk away without any of the tedious divorce nonsense hanging over your head. And you can also walk away with a sense of control--he basically presented a situation and gave you the power to say yay or nay. By telling him that you will NOT be second choice or be waiting for him, you get to decide your own fate and that of your little boy.
Try not to let him guilt you by claiming that he feels guilty himself, that his kids miss him, that he doesn't love her but wants to try for the children. It may all be true, but it any better. He clearly has issues about his past and unresolved stuff going on--stay away from that mess. I wish someone had given me that advice 2 years ago. Instead, I spent most of my time feeling bad about myself because I wasn't HER. UGH. Looking back...such a shame. I still believe STBX would go back after eerything she put him through, and how much he swears to the contrary. I believe it 100%. Who needs that hanging over their head?
GOOD LUCK. There is someone out there who has his feet on the ground and lives for TODAY and not yesterday. Someone who will love and value you above anything else.
krissy
Run for the hills,
What your situation tells me is this guy who has used you, is not good enough for you at all. He is a dirt bag. Sorry, I know just how you feel and trust me even if she does take him back it won't be for long and just let him go because he will use her again until she says see you and then he will TRY to run back to you, do not let him in. What comes around goes around and you are to good for all of that..
I am very sorry for your feelings right now, just remember it will pass and you will only be stronger because of this situation. And who knows a real man may show up in your life..
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
Bye, Bye!!!
Run and run fast. You don't want to live your life wondering day to day "Is he thinking about her?". You deserve better than that. Cut your ties and go find that special someone that is out there for you, cuz, he ain't it!!!!