you could go to emails for commications that way she would not know who she is talking to and you would have all things documented?
I dont see a judge making him talk to her- if there is another way-
If it is his way of avoiding a argument then the courts should understand- that is the right thing to do for everyone involved.
Good luck-

...that she'll probably win as far as getting one-on-one contact with him, rather than having to go through you. A lot of people even include a provision in their divorce/custody paperwork to ensure that all communication is done between the two parents rather than through a third party. Ultimately, anything that needs to be addressed re: the children is the sole responsibility of the parents to address, not stepfathers, stepmothers, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, in-laws, etc. Sometimes we fill in as a courtesy if our partner isn't available or because the parents can't behave themselves and act civil, but ultimately it's the responsibility of the parents to have these conversations. I think if she asks for it, she'll probably get the judge to admonish him to make himself available for reasonable contact regarding child issues. I don't think a judge will allow you to be a third-party go-between if she's against it. Maybe if the two of them agree to some other unbiased third-party, but I doubt even that. No judge is going to force a BM to deal directly with the SM rather than the BF. Ain't gonna happen. But what probably WILL happen is the judge telling DH that he has to find a way to work with BM, being that they are the parents.

Me, I don't get involved. If there's any communication to be done, it's between DH and BM or it doesn't happen. Mostly it's done by email and I'm always kept in the loop, but I don't want to be their go-between. It's just not my drama. I didn't marry her, I didn't knock her up and I didn't hand her my balls on a silver platter just to get her to sign the divorce papers. He created this mess with her, THEY get to juggle it. Not me. I don't think BM would want to talk to me, anyway, and I know I don't want to talk to her. Does it matter who she talks to? Probably not to you, but it might matter to her for reasons only she can understand. I know that if I divorce my DH, no way in hell would I use his new wife as the go-between for the simple fact that HE is their father and HE is responsible. Not that I would cut her out or anything, I've been a SM long enough to know how NOT to treat a SM and I would certainly have no problem with her being involved, but I would expect to be consulting my children's father on matters concerning them, not his wife. She'll probably get her way on this because, yep, she's the MOTHER. Even though it's more combative for them to talk to each other, they are the parents and they will probably be told to grow up and do it.

Now, if I were you, I would sit back, relax and let him deal with her or not. Wash your hands of the whole mess... it doesn't have to be your problem. Good luck in court!

~ Anne ~

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

i wouldn't bother trying to mend anything now that she wants you guys in court, no sense. let the court decide. seems to me that she is doing this to cause trouble and jealously plays a big role in this one, she can't let go.....let her have it in court, gather everything up to defend your side. and goodluck.

-happy mom

I to am way too involved in the go between world. Thinking this would make my life easier. But in all reality, it hasn't! I dread going to pick him up, not because of him.... but the BM. She really isn't a huge problem, just the normal bitches of life... i.e. "you have what I want" (meaning my man), or "calls about stupid stuff that can wait till the next drop off." I felt like I was out of the loop, not getting the whole story. Now I do know, I know too much. Don't get me wrong.... I have developed a opinion for myself now that I have actually dealt with her. (surprisingly nicer opinion than my boyfriend's) But now when I get home I hear statements like ..."so what was your new best friend doing?" or "Man what took so long.... she must have had alot to talk about." Not w what I planned on happening. I don't care to be reciting our conversation each time, he can find out himself. I am planning on taking Anne's advise and back off.... I was very mistaken to think this would be the answers to my prayers. I need to be less involved to keep my peace of mind. Good luck to you.
Kim

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
I am with Anne 100% on this subject,didnt marry her, didnt impregnate her, didnt divorce her, dont want anything to do with her..bm attempts to make life a big enough hell without her and I communicating, I refuse to lay myself out there for her to attempt to control or mess with too.

Some people think email communication is so informal and that because it's about their children it should be done on the phone, but let me tell you ... I can't tell you how many lies BB has told that we have proven to be false - when it comes to court issues - because of email communication. Or how easy it is to prove that she is being mean, vindictful, or spiteful (like denying visitation) becuase her words have been documented. If parents cannot effectively communicate in person or on the phone, then email is the way to go.

~ Katrina

Email is the way to go. My DH communicates with BM almost solely by email. This avoids tense situations in front of the kids (we're all civil and make small talk only in front of the kids) and keeps a written record of the things they talk about. It has worked great for our situation. Also, when it's an email sometimes I have written the emails and she has no way of knowing it... if DH has no time or a different opinion than I do I'll write a draft of what I think should be said to her and he'll edit it and send it.. if he agrees. I get to be as involved as I choose in the communication, but she does not know this and I can back out easily if I choose.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
We have saved every letter, every text message and every e-mail our bm has ever sent to us, and the majority of them will be walking into court with us very soon.