couple questions for you:
1) with our upcoming court date, should i print off these blogs so the judge can see what has beeng going on? i know it's hard for him to know who to believe since bb is always lying, but is this sort of stuff beneficial or damaging?
2) WHY CAN'T I IGNORE BB? even this morning after dreaming of kicking her ass all night, i texted her. i said 'you make me sick, the way you hurt sd for no reason but your selfish broken heart...you should be ashamed.' she wrote back and said 'likewise. i guess you didn't realize calling her by her father's last name (she has her mom's!) would bother her but it did. obviously your inexperience at motherhood is taking its toll.' i said 'in case you didn't notice, that too goes back to your half-ass mothering skills. you should have given sd her father's nam, and you have nothing on me, believe me.' she said 'why give her his name when all it stands for is deceit and violence? besides he was too drunk the day of the birth.' i said 'sure, like i believe a damn word out of your mouth and could you blame him?' (i know, not nice, but shit, if it were true, i wouldn't blame him for being on crack while he was with her crazy ass!) i said 'just let it go, it's PATHETIC.' then she said 'you let it go, and stop contacting me.' at this point i am feeling pretty low for even starting this stupid bs in the first place and i do know that all of this strife is hurting sd so badly, so i wrote back 'you're right, i'm sorry, it's just that i hate that you wont' let dh see sd or talk to sd. let's let the judge decide and i won't contact you again.' the end. so here i am. mad that i can't do more and mad that i did anything at all. it's just that it hurts to see dh hurt, you know? i want to do something!!!! but i should probably do nothing. if i care about sd, i should just wait it out, right?
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If I were you I'd stop with
If I were you I'd stop with the texting - it can very well be used in court as a form of harassment. BM tried to use it in our court case. DH wouldn't talk to her via phone so they would text. She tried to say that when he'd text her asking if she was taking SS for the summer that he was harassing her. The judge stated that texting can be a considered a form of harassment but that what DH said wasn't so he told them to cut it out. BM also accused me of sending text messages to her via DH's cell and told the judge so, DH of course put her straight and told everyone in court that all the texts were from him. However the judge was very pissed about all the texting crap and has stated that it is to stop.
I'd be careful when starting something with BM even if it is with texting because if she saves them some judges will see the fact that you texted her first and it can be considered harassment.
Also printing off the blogs isn't going to help, most judges won't take it into consideration because it's just your writing and they can't tell if it's true or made up
Good Luck!
i'm sure that is what she will do
which is why i didn't say anything 'harrassing.' i mean, if she can call me and bitch at me and, in essence, harrass me, i can't text her? of course, the judge will be upset and aggravated, he always is with this case, but i am finding it incredibly hard to say nothing! that's why i need advice. what should i tell myself when i am wanting to rip her a new one?
I know that..
.. the things you said to her are very true and don't feel like harrassment, but they are. Getting personal like that is where I think the line has been crossed. You called her sick and selfish and made a judgment call on her decision about the child's last name. I know that you are hurting and only stated what you know to be true, but this will not look good in court. It's important to really stop this. I am not trying to beat you up, I just wanted to share my opinion and the way we have dealt with this.
To keep ourselves from ever "harrassing" or getting personal we take all emotion out of our communication with BM. If we have something about the kids that needs to be communicated we talk only about that. Sometimes I'll write fake replies to her that tell her exactly how I feel and what a bitch she is, but then I'll delete it and write one that shows no emotion at all, not even anger.
When you are feeling the overwhelming urge to "rip her a new one" try writing a fake letter or email to her, but do not send it. If you write anything that you are thinking about sending her you should put it aside (after you write it) and wait a day. If it still sounds like what you should say after a day, then it is probably ok. And always remember in your communication with her that she WANTS to get a rise out of you. She wants to fight and argue. By showing her that she gets to you, you are letting her win. Don't show that side. We cannot always be perfect, but it's fun acting like we are when in front of the BM. Keep the un-perfect side of yourself to you, DH, and your friends. Vent to those you trust.
Hope this helps...
Some states will not allow recorded conversations
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
Unless both parties are aware and agree to the recording. Other states only require that one party be aware of the recordings(which would be you of course) however, please check and see what your state laws are regarding this action. Also, the other posters are correct, bm can use your text messages as proof of harrassment agiants you so I would discontinue this form of communication immediately. DH and I do not utilize the phone or text messages, the only way communication is made in any way with the bm is through certified mail, this way she can never say she did not recieve our mail...which has often been used in regards to e-mails she has not responded to. We all can certainly understand the emotions you are feeling in regards to the treatment of dh, however, step aside and let dh handle these issues, the courts do not look fondly on intrusive stepparents. If you want your feelings heard, sit down with dh and let him write a certified letter to bm, he can then include things you have issue with but it will be from him.
we've used recordings in court before
so ky allows it. i know you all are right but it's so hard sometimes! i hereby promise myself to not get involved, not text her, not call her, not anything her!!! it's like i keep holding onto the idea that 'this time, she will change!' i'm dumb.
ok
so i blocked her number from contacting me via text. this way, i can't be baited. and i've deleted her and sd's numbers from my phone. i'm over it; i'm done!!!!
:sick:
I really feel your pain....
You remind me of myself.... it is so hard to sit by and not say anything.... I have been baited time and time again and it has bitten be in the past. I would do whatever possible to refrain from contacting her because by you doing so, you are doing exactly what she wants you to do.....
I hate to admit it, but I have been in essence prank calling DH's ex... I have been calling her house hoping that my SD will pick up... when she doesn't I hang up the phone. When I called last night, BB's mom picked up and said "these calls are being traced by the phone company and reported to the police".
So now, I'm scared that I am going to get in trouble for harassment or something.
will do
and i could kick myself in the ass sometimes! i should just count to 1,000 or 1,000,000 if i have to! because you are so right, daddysgurl, bb will paint such an ugly, mistorted picture of me and my motives...i'm such an ass.
that's ok though; gotta learn sometime!!! thanks for your kind words.
and thanks chocoholic, it's nice to know i'm not the only one getting myself in trouble. hahahaha.
happy 4th of july!!!!!