That's all I can think when I read your posts. Wow. I'm surprised about all the professionals finding "nothing" when it's so obvious there is "something" wrong going on with this child. And it doesn't sound 100% psychological, either. It sounds like there's a learning disability on top of an underlying mental disorder exacerbated by horrible trauma in her early childhood. How on earth can "nothing" be wrong?! I'm so, so sorry for all you've been through. And yes, you have to have changed. You can't survive something like that and remain unchanged.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

great big giant tight hugs
I don't know how you have done it you have a heart of gold!!!
I have a BS6 that has "issued" )Global Developmental Delayed and Inattentive ADD 9I personally think there is other problems so off to another Dr)
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know it is ok to vent and we are hear for you

Live for today,you may not have a tommorow

Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all a
along.

More than I have in this particular area. And might I add "eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!", that is just disgusting that this young lady refuse to wipe her own ass, and is that totally unhygenic in regards to her monthly visitor...OMG, that one alone would have me freakin all over her and dh's ass. I honestly have no advice for you, this one has me stumped...but girl I am most defiantly praying for you.

In one sitting I might add. I just have to mention a few things, firstly the aspergers, my ex BF and his little boy were both diagnosed with AS and you deserve huge hugs just for getting through that one!! My ex's mum sure is a strong lady with 4 other children and even she had to send my Ex away when he was 11 to like a boot camp because she couldn't handle him. I know first hand what you have gone through with that one and your little boy, I have seen what it can do...I have so much admiration for you. Oh and if you haven't already been told by doctors or already done it yourself, the best thing you can give your little one with AS is music..instrument or whatever takes his fancy but they are very gifted children in their chosen talent.

Then to have to deal with all the other stuff, and the way I see it, you have seen the early stuff when she was 2 years old and someone coming in when she was 10 years old would not have the memories of all these painful and horrible things that you have been witness to, she is lucky to have had you. But I still don't see what links these child incidences (abuse) have to her hygene and looking after herself?? I am guessing this has you and the doctors baffled also.

I too am 33(this year) and my heart goes out to you, part of you wants to help them and part of you wants to run..you can not be blamed for feeling either but after all you have been through, I think running is your only saviour. But I am not here to tell you which way to run but to listen and pray that you and your boys make it out with your heart & mind intact...but if you run...please, make it fast.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

I just went through your posts. It sounds like you are the ball in a pinball machine and some sadist is operating the flippers! I can only glimpse the worry and hurt you are in having seen this youngster grow up. But, you can't help or save anyone else unless you are safe and secure. From what I've read - this means you and your sons.

In your posting, I hear a feeling of guilt come through that you can't do more. Drop that - you are not guilty, this situation isn't your fault. Oh, and BTW - you are NOT crazy!

Something you said in an earlier post about writing everything down to figure it out sounds spot on. Write it out, set your boundaries, review those boundaries with yourself. Maybe sharethose boundaries with her Dad. If he can't step up to the plate with all the help and love you've given over the years, then you may have to call it quits.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I was a lifeguard. During the training, my instructor said something I've always remembered: "One of the hardest things to learn and accept is to know when you can't help. The only thing worse than one body is two. Never be the second body." Know your limits, and never feel bad about having done everything you could.

My thoughts are with you. Whatever you decide, you have been and are a strong and caring person!

You must be one hell of a good lady to have dealt with this over the years. How you didn't hit the hubby (and SD) over the head on a daily basis is beyond me.....how can he even possibly think that things will get better in the future, is he trying to convince himself or you? Like what the hell is in this man's head?!! I would probably take this SD to the psyc hospital and say, you keep her until you find out what the hell is wrong with her!! This is absolutely rediculous that they haven't found anything wrong with her..... I also wonder how much the father down played things at the assessments when dealing with any of the counsellor's, etc., that she seen since he obviously down plays everything at home.. Were you present for the meetings?

Also, did DAD ever have to clean his daughter up after her discusting hygiene problems and then clean up the bathroom as well? How about him gathering up the nasty laundry and being solely responsible for washing it? Men normally get grossed out over the "monthly curse", I can imagine having to actually touch it might make reality set in quicker.

I am still in shock, how did/do you cope? You must have one hell of a strength to get through this. You need to commend yourself lady...you are awesome!

Corie

she is trying to get attention. Negative attention is attention too. And she is getting it, from you. So either stop giving it to her so she can switch onto some other sofisticated lets-drive-you-mad method, or get another focus.
She also sounds like she has attachment disorder (or whatever it is called, when abused children offer their bodies or seek physical intimacy in exchange for love) - therefore climbing on other people.
Get a maid and start charging her money for the service, or send her to a boarding school for special needs. This is ridiculous. Her past trauma is part of her, but at some point she needs to get over it or crumble, bur preferably without taking the whole family with.
good luck

That there Dad is with, it isn't about you...it is about your role in their life and they don't like it and may not respect it. Believe me, life has not been a bed of roses for me in step parenting...quite the opposite actually. They may get beyond the behaviours and they may not. But I can bet my bottom dollar that you probably won't change it single handedly and if you do, it very well may come between you and your spouse. I really believe that that is a big factor in second marriages not working...the couple not having a unified front on things. Stepkids not behaving as we would like is probably a given...our own kids don't always behave as we would like, even when we dole out punishment (unless you have some secrets that I didn't have or have kids that are perfect...I didn't).

No matter what the circumstances! I am not justifying it at all....just trying to understand why it happens. How to fix it is a whole other matter. I decided that I couldn't with my sks when they were teens and had to let my DH handle things because the kids did not listen one bit to what I had to say. To top it off, his ex used to come down (just to interfere) to meet with child and my husband to "create a resolution." So in essence she was a part of pretending to provide problem solving for my household! That made me even more upset. So I do understand what you are saying. The problem is that the step parents usually don't have the authority to decide what happens with the step kids unless the DH allows it. If you just take charge, the DH gets pissed off. So that's why I said I don't know any easy answers and every situation is so different.

That is what I try to do...I know I don't always do the best job but I try. Sometimes I feel myself distancing a bit from his kids and sometimes even from him. I have to make a conscious effort to be more forgiving...wow that can be so hard.