I can't (won't) do this anymore...
I'm sick of this situation, I'm sick of living with someone's elses mess. I will not allow this woman (his ex) to constantly attack me and my family, and given that my husband refuses to go to extremes necessary to protect his family from the verbal and emotional attacks we go through every day.
She calls our house every day, multiple times per day, she leaves rude and nasty messages on our voice mail, she slanders us to the children (who love her dearly of course) and she is undermining our efforts to provide them with a good education. At the end of the day, my husband married this woman, had all these children with her and stood by her for 18 years until she divorced him, as far as I am concerned she is more his wife than I am and she is part of this household, every day, every minute, every second. And as sad as it makes me, I will not continue to have her in my life and the only alternative is to leave him.
I told him tonight I am moving out....now the question is, will I be strong enough to put my own needs first this time...
wish me luck girls...
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Hard decision but if he
Hard decision but if he refuses to come to earth and see what really is going on then its the right decision-its hard enough to make a relationship work but planet to planet would be too much! I wish you all the best- and you know you deserve more than back burner heat go get some friction (no not the type we have all come acustom to)and build a new fire this is burnt out for you!
I'm just so tired...
I'm just so tired of this constant fighting with her...I wanted to be married to him, not a three some, and i see no way there can be just two adults in this marriage...and they (the ex) don't go away...ever...they will be there when kids graduate from college, when they marry when they have children...for every special occassion...this is not the way I want to spend the rest of my life...I need to get a divorce from her through him!
So what did he say
when you told him you were leaving? And I am new so I don't know much about everyone yet... how long have you been married?
It is what it is...
we've been together...
for 5 years and married for two, I knew before we married that his ex was not a nice person, but she morphed into Satan when we got married and it's been HELL ever since. He didn't say much, he insinuated that I'm giving up and then he said i didn't need to justify anything to him, then he pretty much has left me alone this evening...to top things off today, the ex-wife of his ex-wife's boyfriend called us today cause she wants to get a restraining order to keep his ex away from her daughter..that's how bad it is.
Oh, jeez, hon!
I am *so* sorry it has to come to this in your heart/mind. I know what you mean by "divorcing her through him"...it's just unfortunate that he can't just fix that ex situation so you two can be happy. I'd like it if you guys could be together!
Again, I am very sorry. *huge hugs*
Have you considered...
dragging his ass to counseling? Just curious...
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
I was wondering about that
too! Would he go? Have you mentioned it?
Our relationship was at an all time LOW a lil over a year ago and I put my foot down and told DH unless we went to counseling I didn't see this working... long story short, we went to two sessions together, I went to one by myself as the counselor didn't know me. I guess I should backtrack a lil, this is the same counselor that DH and SS *tried* going to until SS said he wouldn't go anymore. So, the counselor knew DH and DH is comfy with him and will talk to him
Anyway, the counselor and DH agreed that it was best for DH to counsel for awhile and I have to tell you THAT has made a night and day difference in our relationship. It is not perfect, but it is hugely improved... just a thought...
It is what it is...
I know How You Feel
We are in a very similar situations. We are not living our lives for ourselves. It is all about DH, his kids, his drama. I am sick of it too. I would have been gone a long time ago if it wasn't for the fact I own this house and I know he can't afford it on his own. I suggest you go ahead and leave. Your situation is way more toxic than mine. My Skids love and respect me. That is the difference. If mine treated me like yours they and DH would have been thrown out a long time ago. What is killing my relationship with DH is the fact he can't keep a stable job. In the mean time I have to clean up his mess. My resentment is strong. The kids are not really my problem at all. I feel like I have to think for him and that drives nuts. For example yesterday was my skid's birthday. This year I on purposely didn't plan a thing. I waited to see what DH would do for SD. Well as usual everything was not planned. He had to be told by me to buy the cake, buy wrapping paper, etc. I have to tell him step by step what to do. When it came time to light the candles no one was around. I finally got fed up trying to have a family party and going upstairs pissed off. DH wound up singing happy birthday by himself to the children. He didn't understand why I was so angry. Well dumbass you had ALL summer without the kids to think about what to do for this child on her birthday. He as usual does things half assed. I was proud of myself that I didn't go out and buy the cake, presents, and pay for squat. This man needs to get a clue. He wants custody of the children then HE needs to take care of them not me. He is going to get a rude awaking for Christmas. Especially if he doesn't have a job. I will get in the car and go visit my family by myself if he is not employed and can't get gifts. I am not giving a shit this year.
Your situation sounds like YOU are living with the enemy. No cooperation from anyone. That is not fair. No one is thinking about you. So guess what you need to take care of you. I read another posting where the SM left with her kids and got a place of her own. She is happy now. Sounds like she has peace. We need the same.
Counseling
We have been to a ton of counseling and it didn't do any good, he just sits there and doesn't say anything...I think he somewhat listens to the counselor but then when we get home its right back to the same thing...
Man....
That "unplugged" stuff drives me insane.
Hope you're OK today....