Would you let BM's G-ma pick up SD unannounced???
BM is M.I.A.!! This morning was the end of DH's wknd to have SD, but because BM has to work and SD is not allowed to be at BM's mother's house per temp orders, I have been keeping SD until BM gets off work. AT 4:15pm Bm's G-ma called me and left a vm that she was coming to get SD and SD would be staying with her. ?????? DH called BM and she won't answer, then he called BM's ex-fiancee, and he said BM went out of town for the wknd, and asked if her G-ma was picking SD up. So what?!! Why does he know the plan, but we don't? DH then called the G-ma and told her we would be happy to let her pick up SD as soon as he hears from BM. That sure released the inner BM in the G-ma, let me tell ya! She told DH, "You're going to be in big trouble for this!" All I can think of is the wicked witch saying, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little girl too!"
It's not that she's not allowed to pick her up, it's just that she never has before, and why wouldn't BM let us know that was the plan? And we are most concerned because the last time G-ma took Sd to spend the night at her house, she changed her mind and kept SD over night at BM's mom's against the court order. We just don't know where SD will really be. BM's G-ma also told DH that he has no right to do this and that he just wants to be in control. She told him he is not BM's husband and therefore cannot control her. HELLO, can you say "personal issue with men!" I told DH now we can see where BM gets her negative attitude that father's are unnecessary.
The last we heard from BM was three days ago when she announced she had not given us all of SD's antibiotics for her ear infections when we picked her up from her on Thursday for the wknd and that we would have to come get it from her. Then we tried to call her to get the meds on Sat. and she wouldn't return our calls. Luckily the ex-fiancee's mother was at home and gave us the meds, but BM's car was there and she was nowhere to be found.
DH and I are aware we could get yelled at by a judge, but we're thinking it is not likely. Anyone had something similar happen. We are only trying to protect SD from ever being exposed to BM's mom's violent outbusrts again.
Anyone got any ideas where a crazy BM might dissapear to last minute? DH is betting she's in jail, and that is why she can't answer our calls. I thought maybe rehab? In any case, I don't think it looks very good that in the middle of a custody dispute that she is out of town and unable to pick SD up for her possession time for the second time in two months. What is she thinking???
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Check your..
Check your court documents. Ours had something in there about the "right of first refusal" meaning if DH or BM couldn't have the girls on their specified time, that they had to offer the time up to the other parent FIRST before they were allowed to give the kids over to anyone else (baby sitter, grandma whatever). If you have this particular clause (which seems to be pretty standard) you're safe. BM isn't able to take the child, which means YOU get to have her. It would be different if BM were available and she just wanted SD to spend time with g'ma.. but that isn't the case here, plus, there was no communication about this change in pickup person with YOU and BM. That's important too.
I wouldn't worry too much about it (court wise). I would however see if you can figure out where BM actually IS.
Stepup
Thanks Sepup
We don't currently have "first right of refusal", but we were considering trying to add it to our next orders. I was concerned though with what happens when DH cannot be with SD but I am. If we ask for first right of refusal, does that mean it goes for her also to get SD anytime DH is at work?
The ex-fiancee said BM went to Austin, so I've been looking online for anything going on there this wknd. Any ideas of how else we could find out what's going on?
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
It works both ways, I know
It works both ways, I know b/c bm tried to interfere with our time using first rights, for her own selfish purposes. She quickly changed her tune when Dh said that's fine we will get more time with ss that way. BM was just trying to use it as a weapon against dh because of her jealousy of our relationship. The lawyer did tell us though that if she pushed first rights she had to be available to care for ss. She couldn't just do it, to leave ss in care of someone else. Laws vary so you might want to ask your lawyer how it works in your state...good luck.
I would say...
that I would not give BM's G-ma the step daughter. We used to let my two younger step kids go to their maternal grandparents all the time because we were trying to be nice and accommadating. However, it just bit us in the ass later (long story). In Missouri there is no longer "grandparents rights" and so I'm pretty sure if the court order says BM is supposed to have her at this specific time and she doesn't show up than you get to keep her. And don't forget to write all of this down, it's very important when you go to court next that your lawyer knows exactly when she has decided to follow the rules and when she has decided to make them up for herself
Dawn
I would think you only have
I would think you only have to surrender the child to the BM, not to anyone else, unless the BM specifically tells you that someone else will be picking up the child. You can't get into trouble for not surrendering the child to anyone not a party to the order.
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