We have DH's son FT. The BM and DH's grandparents are always telling my DH when and if they are going to take the boy. IMHO, DH should be telling the BM and GPs when they will take him based upon our schedules. I don't believe in changing the schedule for frivolous excuses; that's why there is a schedule in the first place and so that everyone sticks to it. I think in your case, the reason for switching is not merited especially since she's had the kids all week and they should've been spending time with her half sister.

DH has every right to tell the BM that you have made plans and that he expects her to send the kids this weekend and you won't be visiting with them in two weeks.

All I'm asking for is some good old honesty served up fresh when I ask for it without the side order of hot tongue and cold shoulder!

It has never been strictly EOW, without fail. It's always been a scheduling uncertainty. There's almost always something that comes up or something going on they can't miss, especially now that they are teens, so we can either miss out on getting them or make it up when we can with back-to-back weekends. If we have something else important planned that cannot be rescheduled, then we just make it up another time. If we don't, then we get them whenever she lets us have them. No, it's not fair that we can't rely on a rigid schedule, but the first time we insist on that schedule and then WE need to beg off due to something else coming up, then she'd throw it back in our faces. So we try to be flexible. The back-to-back weekends don't really bother me too much, but my DH is very hands on when it comes to all the kids, so I don't get left in the lurch. It's a little more stressful for me from the perspective of having extra people in the house, but I figure that those extra people are his kids, just the same as our kids are his kids. It's pretty hard on my DH to not get to be with his other kids as much as he'd like to be and it's not fair for him or the skids to be punished for BM not sticking to a schedule, so I try to keep that in mind when they get on my nerves. In all honesty, they are pretty good kids and he's a pretty good husband most of the time, so it doesn't bother me to have them around. I actually enjoy having them around. I love seeing my kids with their half-siblings and try to encourage that relationship, which is hard when they don't see each other regularly.

There's so much to fight about in a blended family. This just isn't something we fight about in ours. It is what it is. If there's something important going on that I can't or won't miss, then I'll stand firm, but if we've got nothing else going on, I say bring 'em on. I know the BM will never change. She'll always try to find as many ways as she can to make our life miserable. By being flexible, we sort of take away her power to screw with us on the visitation schedule. There's no point in us going to court over it now, because the kids are approaching 18, anyway. I knew when I married him that he had kids, that his ex-wife was a hostile bitch and that our life would likely be turned upside down on a regular basis because of her and the skids. Having that knowledge doesn't always make these issues easier to navigate, but at least I know it's coming and I can prepare myself.

I think you have to choose, frustrated. Do you want them to not be here this weekend or do you want to do back-to-back weekends next weekend and the weekend after? Asking your DH to just give up that time and never make it up doesn't seem fair to him or the kids. I know it's not fair to you that BM seems to get to decide how you spend your weekends, but your DH can't win no matter what. BM says no to this weekend, you say no to next weekend... when do he and his kids to get actually have any time together? If the scheduling thing is her vs. you and the two of you can't find any mutually agreeable time to give DH and the kids, then are they supposed to just never see each other? Because that seems like a big win for BM to me. Not that it should be about "winning," but you get the point.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

I know where you are coming from, I get really frustrated when my FH ex calls and TELLS us that she needs to have the kids on his weekend and we need to make it up on another weekend..
Now my problem is that she told us what we were going to do, NOT call and say hey is it ok, cuz we would say yes anyway but it is just a respect thing cuz FH can not just call and say hey we are switching, he has to practicly beg..
but like Georgia said I dont like it but it is not fair to him and his kids. they love being with us and it gives them a nice break from the pyscho that is their mother.
with that said you still should get some you time!! we all need alone time whether we are a blended family or not
take care and find a nice warm tottie and enjoy a magazine!!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

Issues????? Yes. At first (when I didn't know any better wasn't married and only dating) "they" would switch weekends & I looked like a deer in headlights. After we got married they tried the switcharoo crap & he tried the doubling up stuff too (if they skipped a weekend, we'd have the man/child for two weekends in a row). THAT ALMOST DROVE ME TO SUICIDE and I put a stop to that. NOW, I DON'T ALLOW ANY CHANGES ..... unless it is real important.

You have to teach them how to treat you. You count too.

That's how it is for our BM. She gets SD EOW, but she'll change the schedule around last minute. (2 days notice seems amazing to me!!!! I'm talking about calling 20 minutes before we drop off to say, "I really can't take her tonight. How about you drop her off tomorrow?")

Meanwhile we schedule vacations and all our planning around making sure SD can be available for BM's weekend. Its very frustrating....but not acquiescing when possible only makes SD think of us as the bad guys. SD is NOT going to see that her BM is a pain in the rear; she has a million and one excuses for BM's behavior.

BM is, for some reason, not capable of picking up OR dropping off. So we drive back and forth. Oh, and Sundays we drive back to get SD and take her to basketball practice in our town, then after practice, we drive her back to BM's again for the last 4 hours of visitation...then drive back again to pick her up! (One time, my H refused to bring her back, because BM had said we had to pick SD up early anyways...so we would've been bringing her back for about an hour and a half more of visitation. SD got SO PISSED that we wouldn't take her back. So H had SD call her mom, and ask mom to come pick her up. Mom says, "I don't have enough money for gas." SD is all sweet, "That's okay mommy I love you." Then she hangs up the phone and starts yelling at me and her dad about how we're so mean for not driving her back there!!!!)

/vent....sorry.

Anyway...I think Georgia is right. This has to be about the skids. Yes, the BM sucks. But the skids/dad shouldn't suffer because of it, you know? Neither should you, of course....but you just have to make the best of it...

Good luck!

This is just something I choose not to fight over, although I totally sympathize with your situation because I am in the same one. We have SD14 all week every week, then one weekend a month. Last month she (SD) decided to change weekends. That meant we had SD two weekends in a row this month. I am at my best when she is not around (husband admitted recently that SD does things on purpose just to piss me off). So having her for a week, plus a weekend, plus another week, plus another weekend, plus another week (20 straight days) has driven me crazy! If things go well, she will be at BM's by the time I get home tonight!!

But I don't interfere with the custody situation. It is what it is, and I don't want my husband to NOT see SD. I just try to make my own plans when she is there, to maintain my sanity.

Dh jumps to do whatever bm wants, whenever bm wants because of "the kids." I have realized that this will never change though and it is a waste of my energy to try to make him understand what I am seeing.

I have just detached in so many ways but I still have a long way to go. I think it was Georgia or Moody that said we as smoms have to put up with a certain amount of bs and it is so true.

I think one of the most difficult things that I have to deal with is adjusting to how much my role of mom has changed since I remarried. It is just so different and that has been hard for me. I feel like less of a mom.

Georgie