I really enjoy reading your posts and I just want you to know that you are not a failure, you are doing the best with what you have to work with. Guilt and I are also good friends and visit often but it never improves my life. I think guilt is evil in disguise. Throw it away and have a glass of wine and enjoy your boys tonight.

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

I never would've thought in a gazillion years that you are a failure. Keep your chin up CG!

All I'm asking for is some good old honesty served up fresh when I ask for it without the side order of hot tongue and cold shoulder!

I think we all feel like failures at one time or another, but we are only human and we have to deal with what life hands us sometimes it sure feels one sided!!

it is ok to feel the way you do, just know you are not alone and it will get better, you boys I am sure love you and know you are doing the best you can, maybe leave them little notes in their lunch boxes or on their pillows ...
we are here!!!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

Should you be feeling guilty. I've read your posts, and you are great. No failure - no way. And, well, I'll join your wine with a beer, ok?

My mom, who is a very smart woman says, guilt is a wasted emotion.

You lovr your boys very much. Don't let it get to you, a smart woman once said, life is about learning to dance in the rain. Plan some special time for your boys & you and know that they love you.

what you are saying Colorado gal. Just focus on giving them as much as you can of yourself.

But, on the other hand if you REALLY feel that you are shortchanging your children you can stop all of this right now. Chalk it up to making a mistake & correcting it.

Again, only you know what is going on.

Men are tiring. Men with prior kids are exhausting! Save some of your energy for yourself & your children.

Boy I feel your pain. I've been there as well. It hits you like a ton of bricks and I'm starting to believe (to a certain extent anyway) that as stepmothers we are all going through our "12 steps"... think about it. How similar we all are in the beginning - fights over clothes, pickups, texts, vmails, lack of boundaries and so on. Thoughts to ponder

Anyway - I felt the guilt as well with my BD14. And then I slowly started to make it up to her. When SD's are at their mom's for the weekend, we have at least one day together just the two of us. It can be as simple as a manicure but it's the "alone time." Have fun with your boys this weekend and go play that guitar hero with them! THEY LOVE YOU!

Of course you're a good mom! Your post made me teary because I have the same issue with my daughter (11). This week was really terrible and I told her how sometimes I feel so bad for bringing people into our home who behave like trash--that she didn't deserve that and I was indeed sorry.

She made me cry when she told me that it was all worth it because she loves her stepdad so much. She added that she knows his adult kids behave badly and she won't turn out like that.

Pass the Kleenex please...

Wow...you definently describe everything that i have felt since going through my divorce. I have such a heavy burden on my shoulders. My kids life is not what they are use to. There was structure. THere was a home that they now mention every now and then that they miss. I had no worries about anything other than what was being planned with me and the kids. Now I know so much about the legal system, child support, psychotic people and unruly behaviors. I miss my old life. It was so mellow and uncomplicated. All I had to do was wake up and take care of my kids. Now my weekends are what time are we picking up SD and what time do we drop her off. Its like I am bound by the hands on a clock and a schedule to follow. Important court dates to remember instead of scheduling mommy and me time. I never thought that this would happen to me. I am now an ex wife, BM and SM and who knows what else i am called. But we are NEVER failures. We dont fail with our children. We simply learn from them. By you noticing what is different in your time with your kids that is where you need to make the change and start a new routine so that our children may feel what we all once felt before...normalcy! You are a caring mom otherwise you wouldnt even flintch to notice the difference how our decisions impact their lives. Its not about who did what to who and how it got dealt with. Its about what we are doing now to get through what happened and how we can heal our children. I hope that i can make my children into very strong individuals that are ready to adapt to changes in their lives without falling apart. I hope that in the end, i would have given them as much love and devotion that they never feel what i feel.

"Just because you can give birth, doesn't mean you should"

CG, you are one of the most caring people I know and should not spend one second feeling guilty. Maybe you can spend a little extra time with your own kids each week if you can.

But we had a lot of kids in my family (5) and not much one on one time with my parents but we adored them anyway and don't regret a thing.

I think all parents do feel guilty because there is no way to be all things to all people at the same time. To me nature has you have your kids at the worst time because you are relatively young but you have to support yourself and don't really know yourself or how the world works yet.

You just do the best you can, just like your parents did and their parents, that is all you can do. Don't beat yourself up!

"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

I am with you. My SD and BM's drama has been the focus of our blended family. And once the custody case was settled, SD made sure this past year to keep things stirred up toward her. My sons on the other hand haven't had a room of their own (we've been remodeling the basement for a room for them for over a year- their own dad is doing the work and he is VERY slow on projects.) They have seen their mom go from independent single college student full time working mom...to stay at home mom with a toddler. My older son is rebelling against DH big time. That's another post. But a few months ago BS 13 said something to me that strikes the heart of me... he said ," Mom...you were such a good single mom. You always made time for us."

Now THAT's rose colored glasses because I didn't have ANY time. When I wasn't working I was in class or a play at night and my family babysat a TON. But....I think when the weekends came that I had them and was at home, I was focused on them. I miss that and so do they. How do I get there while in the throes of all of this craziness?

Good post CG. I have been pondering this for some time. Might have to piggyback it into my own.

Wow thats really one for the books. I think its funny when the kids act like the "victim". Since she wrote all that stuff you should hold her too it. No one wants to look like a liar now.

I have to admit it breaks my heart to see kids sad because new kids move in with them or are around quite often. Its almost like there world is being shared. I mean, techinically speaking yes, but for a child to feel like there stuff or their home isnt really theres just makes me sad. I wish we could get one re-do in our lives.

"Just because you can give birth, doesn't mean you should"

You just hit one of the major stages I had in my "recovery" from all this. I did wake up one morning and thought...this kid and his mother take up all my time and energy. SS didn't deserve all my time, BM deserved NONE of my time and my precious boys deserve ALL of my time.

That was the day I started to realise "not my kid, not my problem". My boys are MY kids and are MY problem. Now they get ALL of me and when SS is nice and civil and uses his manners and respects me, he gets part of me too.

Love ya girl. You are a great mum

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*