I'm in your same position....I picked up my family and moved over 2,000 miles away from BM, and skids, and I'm happy to do it!! And of course hearing from the skids is spotty at best, but, my DH & I have a 18 month old baby boy that deserves a great life, free from bad exposure that is associated w/ BM. She wished death on my baby before he was born, and the skids were jelious of him anyway. My DH misses his kids very much and loves them, but he fought the good fight, and still lost. He is happy to be here w/ us...getting our life back on track. I'm estatic to be honest. Finally, I get to live the life I wanted with him. And he finally feels like the wonderful man that he truly is, and not the "loser" his EX always told him he was. Don't open up a can of worms...don't write. As much as I still love my skids (they cant help who their mother is)...it feels good to move on. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.

sometimes these evil BMs will stop at nothing to ruin the fathers...and sometimes they go above and beyond to do such. no one...not u OR yr hubbys should feel bad for choosing peace and family over all that drama. it wasnt his choice, it was hers. and dont ever feel bad for being better off for it...we all deserve to be happy and shouldnt have to live w all the SHIT that these BBs put us thru every single day for no other reason than their own selfishnness and hatred. and THEY are the ones to blame for their kids not seeing their dad. they chose that fate for them over getting over their own feelings.

no matter your "flaws"....

Feel what you feel. I know you tried harder than I've seen anyone try. You couldn't change the situation so you had to change yourself and the way your reacted to it. You surrendered when there was nothing left to fight about anymore. Your skids and BM chose to alienate your DH and you just couldn't alter the toxic environment that your life had become.

It's hard to forgive. You have every right to be angry and hurt. You can't bury an anger that is still "alive". You can only get rid of it when you are good and ready. Let yourself feel whatever you feel and then when you are able and willing....forgive them.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Reading your blog and the responses so far mad me cry bc right now i am in the eye of the storm, BM is like a thirs person in our relationship, and has been from the begining. And i keept thinking that after the divorce decree was done that things would change and she would back off and out of our life, but she has not we are still battling her and her keeping the boys from us. DF and I are planning on having kids of our own and I fear that our child will have to deal with her crap bc we will always have to and thats hard to swallow. I love my stepsons dearly and couldnt imagine my life or DF life without them, but I fear that when we have our own children I will be forced to do whats best for our child and move away from her, bc I doubt she will ever change (she has a daughter from another relationship and bc of how she is the BF moved far away, and my fiance was warned by BF parents when he meet BM that she was crazy and that was y there son had moved away from his daughter) and the thought of my future children having to deal with this in some form sucks. I guess I can only pray that she wont always be this way, but if you want an idea of what the future will be like look at the past, so I guess well just see what the future brings.

Same here. They don't call or do anything else for that matter. My DH and ex have the same b-day. I think the kids can remember when they say happy birhtday to mom that oh yeah it is dad's too. Hell no! Don't feel guilty about not seeing them it is normal. The stress is something that you would not understand unless you are in our sitation. Next time have your husband call their voice mail and sing happy birthday to himself on it. Maybe they will get the point!

In mind and spirit. I have had such a deep week, with writer's retreat, followed up by a prospective student conference at a UU seminary. (Yes you read that right )

When we left town for Chicago Tue evening, my stomach was hurting like mad from some vitamins I downed sans food. I was so worried that I wouldn't feel well for the conference. But the thing is, I felt wonderful. I didn't have one headache, one bad thought, one doubt about myself as a mom, sm, person in general. I never even turned the TV on (Rick watched a few Yankees games at night while I curled up with Anna and dozed off.)

We left Chicago this morning. My head started pounding about the time we headed out and is now reeling. I took half a percocet as soon as we got home. The TV has been on with junk since I walked in the door. Anything to distract me from this place.

And SD called to talk to DH. I heard him making plans with her and I thought, "Can't I just run off to Chicago and leave her with BM? Can't I just go to this fabulous school with these amazing generous positive spiritual people?" Five more years with SD.

I can't comment much more than that, because I'm so overwhelmed with my thoughts right now. But Kathleen, you are not evil, not a bitch, cold, ugly, or poison. You are a good, kind, generous, beautiful, healing elixir for your DH in a world controlled by a self centered egotistical self serving BM.

Be sad and embrace these feelings. Absorb them fully, but then release them.

We do understand. Whether we are forced to be engaged with our SK's or not. I have serious doubts myself about my capacity to make it through.

Together we can do it.
Hugs to you,
Z

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

Kathleen I completely understand. Please don't feel bad about feeling relief from the pressure of trying to please people who do not want you to please them and do not appreciate your efforts to please them.

You, your DH and your BD are your own family. Embrace that and let the skids go their way for now. Maybe one day when they are released from BM's spell if that can ever happen, they will look up their dear old dad. I am praying for the same resolution for us. Some things we just have to give up to the Big Guy.

Keep your chin up honey, we love you!!

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus

HB is recuperating from Quadruple Bypass Surgery, my skids are 25 & 22 (HB had his surgery on SD's 22nd birthday) I am his sole caretaker since I cannot depend on those two, Of course SS is working ALL the time, but I have called SD for a few minor things to help out (she is NOT working),there was excuse after excuse,so I don't call anymore (read my past entries and you will see how SD is, I thought she had turned a corner but she is back in town living at her grandmother's,where BM is living too, along with HER son,my step-grandson) HB is by nature a very active person, so he wanted to go to his nephew's baseball game the next day after getting out of hospital,(10 days ago)and I made arrangements with my brother in law to come get him (gives me some ALONE time) anyway, HB calls SD to see if she wants to come too, and of course she does, anytime there is ANYTHING remotely like fun,she will be there with bells on. So she comes over and I tell her to go ahead and take our truck (HB is not allowed to drive until Dr releases him) she tells us that she has to get gas as she is on empty and the baby's car seat is in her car.(boy, did she learn manipulation from BB or what?) HB pops up with "I'll buy your gas for you, cause you will be driving me places anyway" Can anyone guess how much she has "driven her father around?" That's right!!! ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH!! haven't seen or heard from her until yesterday, when she came over to show off her new boyfriend) HB bought her dinner AND filled up her car!! He's been down anyway due to his health issues, but to know that your daughter only comes around when there is something in it for her has got to be even more depressing, he dosen't need that, but I have learned a long time ago, not to get involved by calling her and reaming her out as it will only get thrown back in my face later. HB has got to come to terms with his daughter's shallowness in his own way and time. Now if he DIES from all the stress and crap they (kids & BM) have put him under, then by GOD THEY HAD BETTER RUN FOR THE HILLS,cause this BITCH is coming out SWINGING!!!
Our will states that that our farm will go to the 2 sons (his & our's) and SD is to get ONLY a monetary amount "from the life insurance". (which I heard through the grapevine she DID NOT LIKE, Big F Whoop! as I say) I, as the surviving spouse will get to live on the farm for as long as I so choose, and if they keep pissing me off anymore than they are already, they are only going to make ME MORE STUBBORN, I will live here until SS dies before me! (I will purposefully outlive them, that's how stubborn I am) SD will have spent all of her money right away, I already know in my gut! IF there is any money LEFT TO GIVE HER!!! (now who is being the evil wicked stepmother that SD thinks I am?)
SHE AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN YET!
hangingin

Yeah, dont feel bad about the choices she is making with her childrens relationship with dad.
I am currently going through the same thing..right now they all hate him cause mommy there is ring leader, it gets to the point where you start to see that apeasement brings no gratifaction!

You and Hubby did what you could, and although it hurts him its on her. She obviously does not promote a good relationship with their father, infact influencing it is her way of hurting him with showing she has control, Dumb B.M obviously does not realize that time takes care of its self and could surely come back and bite her in the a*s.

They may resent her for that influence that came out of her OWN personal feelings and letting it get between their relationship with B.D. later on in life!

Do what you can..but dont write B.M
She wants this to hurt him, and to acknowledge that only gives her ammo that it works.

Live your life with baby and hubby, these children obviously tug at his heart string and B.M knows this..she knows EXACTLY how to hurt him,they are her little pawns..let it go til they come around on their own and hopefully when they are older they will see B.M for what she really is,
Tables do turn

" This is not the life I ordered".

You were only one of at least three adults involved in making this situation work. And if one of those adults was determined to make sure it failed, you never stood a chance. When these kids are older, they will be in touch with their dad and he will be able to set them straight about what really happened.

What makes your husband feel bad isn't how you feel about the situation. What makes him feel bad is the knowledge that he made a mistake and the frustration that there's nothing he knows to do to fix it. It's like with my DH. It's not his fault that his skids treat him like crap, but he takes it personally because he feels like there should have been something he could have done to better protect himself, me and our kids from the wrath of his hostile ex-wife. You feel like you're letting him down by being happy that the skids are not involved in your lives, but I am 100% sure that he feels like he has let YOU down by bringing you into this awful situation. Don't be so hard on yourself, Kathleen. It's par for the course!

♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)