Smart little sh*t....
So my SD5 (6 in a month) got caught...
SD5 has hair that starts getting stringy as it grows longer. She drives me crazy with it because it gets in her face and I'm forever brushing food from her strands. Yes, food. and really, she looks SOOO adorable with a short little haircut.
SO, I called her mom and asked her if I could PLEASE cut her hair and how short I could go. BM says whatever I think and that yes, it drives her crazy too. She also stated that SD5 would be hard to talk into cutting her hair because BM had even expressed to SD5 that she should get her haircut and SD5 threw a fit saying that she didn't want her haircut. My best friend is a hairdresser so I told BM that I would get her a funky/cute SHORT haircut especially since it was the beginning of summer. I would sugar coat it and make it as exciting as possible as not to encourage any fit throwing. (Which is not tolerated in our home and never happens but I didn't want to ruffle BM's feathers and make her feel any sort of inadequacy)
SO anyways, I told SD5 yesterday that we would be getting her haircut this week and that I thought she could get one like her mommy (whom she worships) or her cousin who just got a short haircut as well.
So SD says to me: "Mommy said that I need to keep my hair long."
Me: "Really?"
SD5: "Yes, she said that I can't get it cut."
Me: "Are you sure that YOU aren't the one that doesn't want it cut?"
SD5: "Nooooo, Mommy said."
Me: " [Insert first and middle name]...are you fibbing?"
SD5: "I don't know."
Then I proceeded to tell her that I already spoke with Mommy and told her that I knew about the fit she threw and that Mommy agreed with me that she should get a haircut. Maybe I should call Daddy and tell him that she was lying.
SD5: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
So, I condemned her to timeout for 5 minutes and made her tell her tall tale to her father...sobbing the entire time.
My point. Until recently, this little escapade would have worked for SD5. For a very long time DH and I spoke to BM as little as possible and I would never have picked up the phone and called her over such a trivial matter. I would've taken SD5 at her word and just trimmed her hair. Like my title, smart little shit. I had a hard time even getting too mad at her especially since I really do think thru her tears, she learned her lesson.
SD5 figured out how to manipulate and use our lack of communicating to get exactly what she wanted. She is FIVE. I can't imagine what my two older little con artists have accomplished in the past.. .
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congrats though
on being able to communicate w BM about stuff like this for the sake of the child...hope my BM can grow up and be an adult someday too
I sure hope that continues
I think a lot of divorce/family kid problems could be solved with decent communication. Hope in your case BM keeps up her ability to do it. I know in our case it will never happen. SD's BM doesn't seem to understand that communicating only through your teenage daughter gives her a TON of manipulative capability!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Women and hair!
What's with women and hair? The very first pleasant exchange I ever had with my skids' BM was when SD was with us and wanted to get her hair cut like mine and I told her okay, but only if her mom agreed. I called her mom and she was fine with it. We emailed her photos right after and she oohed and aahed over it. But then there are the moms who freak if you cut their kids' hair. Why? It grows back, for God's sake.
♥ Anne 8102, D/B/A Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
For mine...
I think she's just cheap. Seriously. At one time she wanted to dictate, so I told her that I wouldn't intefere anymore and she could take them to get their haircuts.
Well, it's at least $40 for the three of them (includes tip) and if I do it than it's free. So after the oldest starting looking like Crystal Gale, I inquired if I could take her and she of course agreed.
Sometimes all ya gotta do is give them what they want for them to realize that they might not even really want it.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Amen to that
I had a BIG haircut fight with BM before the skids started school one year. She called DH and went off about how "she made their hair and she owns it!" Got really ugly about my daughter and how I "could shave her head and punch out her teeth for all she cared but not to touch her kids hair!!!" Ok Psycho - not worth my time. So I quit doing the hair thing.
Now remember my stepdaughters live with me. Made it awkward when I kept taking my daughter to get haircuts and stepdaughters couldn't get them. Well, BM took them once. One time in 2 years - then she told them to have stepmom take them so I just started taking them again this year - no problems. BM is cheap as well
My sons' SM is a cosmotologist
She runs her father's salon. She started cutting the boys hair right away (my divorce was barely final when she and ExH moved in together.) I was sad about it, but let it go. However, one problem from it is that she encourages their individuality, which means they don't get hair cuts and have horrible shaggy hair. Since I let her cut it all these years, I feel I don't have a say. I am really sad that once again schools have relaxed their dress codes compared to when we were there. They stopped having boys hair length as part of their dress code. Our parents had it so much easier than we do!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
For such a free spirit...
...you sure are a strict mom.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Aren't I though?????
I think it's because my parents were so absent and I raised myself (not always doing a good job of looking out for what was in my best interest.) So I'm trying to do that for them.
You know what's funny? SD proved one thing correct in that book about how to stop negotiating with your teen. The author repeatedly tells you what we hear from other experts- Teens DO want boundaries, they just don't know it.
SD told me the other day that our being strict helps her make better choices at times. She said her friends (that TP'd us- but I didn't know it yet) wanted her to stay the night with them. She asked me if she could stay, and when I answered with, "Oh...I dunno...you're leaving in two days for CA and we have to go shopping for some more stuff for you to take...." She agreed too quickly. Then she told me it was her friends that TP'd us and they were planning on egging someone else and sneaking into people's swimming pools that night. She said, "I'll just tell them you said no again. Sometimes that makes it easy on me to save face. I can say, 'I CAN'T sneak out with you! My parents always catch me and they would KILL ME."
That was almost a direct quote from the book about sticking to appropriate privileges and consequences to help your kids save face.
Kinda creepy when something I'm reading pans out like that!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra