Nice to know I have someone else in my very same boat. You should check out my blog(I just started one because of this situation making me want to pull my hair out. My SS13 is exactly the same very likeable and nice to have in class but doing the bare minimum to not flunk out because BM doesn't care and my DH doesn't keep his finger on it. I don't know how close you and your SS13 are but I am very close to mine or at least so I thought until I decided to try to get heavily involved when grades started dropping rapidly. Boy did that back fire it totally opened up the door for BM to talk bad about me. If I had it to do over again it is one of those things that I would help and try to remind DH but not take it much further than that. My SS13 is really into sports and if I hadn't gotten involved he wouldn't have been able to play any school sports this spring but now I think he will be able to do the bare minimum for awhile and get to do them so I am regretting helping big time. Bottom line is if you don't have BM support then it seems like there is two things to do go back to court to try for more custody or just wait till hopefully they learn their own lesson. I wish you better luck than I am having right now.

I go through the same exact crap with the Stepbrat. SHe would not do her homework and lie about it or rush through it so she could watch tv or hang outside with her friends. The end result of that is that she isn't allowed to hang with her friends after school on school nights and she has to earn her electronics time (provided she isn't grounded from them.)

We are lucky in that the DOD utilizes "Gradespeed" (you can google it). We can sign onto grade speed any time and see what her upcoming assignments are for each class and any that she has missing. So every Friday we check it and if she has any missing assignments ect she doens't get any free time for the weekend..

She isn't allowed TV or electronics or social time with friends of any kind unless she maintains, at least, a C in all her classes. If they drop below a C she can forget any brand of social life or any electronics.

In our house, also, when the kids are not grounded from electronics they still have to earn the time on them. For instance, a half an hour of choires around the house equals a half an hour of TV or video games. (Choires do not include her bedroom or her bathroom) In order to receive tv time she must do choires that bless me and her room, bathroom, and homework must be clean and all done.

Take the xbox out of his room or where ever you have it or just take the controllers away and hide them. Only let SS play it if he has earned the time...If you find him rushing through homework so he can play the xbox then the xbox should only be allowed for useage on the weekends. provided his room is clean, his homework is done, and he has maintained at least a c in his classes.

You will be suprised at how much cooperation you get when you are the "goddess of the xbox"..LOL..

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted

It is key that this not be called Homework Time. If it is Homework Time most evenings will result in "I don't have any Homework". If there is no homework, have them read and take notes from text books, if they "forget" their texts print up applicable articles from the Internet and have them read and take notes then review the article with you. Having them review all homework or studies with you develops their ability to concisely communicate complex ideas and forces them to focus on absorbing key information. If they can't explain their evening studies to you adequately, ask questions that draw them in to analytical thought on the topic.

Also, try no XBox or TV on school days ........ period until after evening study is completed to your satisfaction then they can watch what the family watches but no #$(*%^ gaming on school nights. M-F are work days so they should be for work. Of course with younger kids this can and probably should be adjusted to let them blow off some steam.

The key IMHO is consistency and parental involvement.

It works. This is the basic model that the Military School I attended used and I learned how to study. Not every person has intuitive study capability. For some people it has to be learned.

Just my thoughts of course.

SS15 lives w us FT and his grades are awful...1A, 1B, 2C, 2D...he failed math last year and had bad grades first period this year. DH and i instituted a plan where he was to be upstairs, doing homework and studying, at least bringing home the subjects he was failing EVERY NITE. tv w us only and no xbox. well, of course, i was the one who had to ush DH every day to push SS. why isnt he studying tonite? blah blah. it gets old.

we havent gotten his report card yet. it was mailed last week but we never received. sounds fishy to me. i made DH call to have another one sent. still waiting on it but i guarantee u the kids grades havent improved. DH just doesnt force the issue. he will for a couple days, but if i dont keep on him to keep on SS, he wont. so forget it. let the kid fail...not my kid, so not my failure. what else can i do?

im so sick of constantly bugging DH about stuff w SS, so im letting it go. the next time DH tells me he needs help w him, im saying NO. bc when i try to help by pointing thsi stuff out, DH and i just end up fighting.

just let DH deal w it. if youre like me, it will bother u to disengage from this, but we have to. i always did so well in school and will hold standards for my kids when i have them and it bugs me that DH doesnt do the same. but its not worth teh fight. how many times can u say the same thing??

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Fulltime skids are way different than part time skids. So unless you want SS13 to be living at home playing xbox360 well into his 20's then get on his case daily about his homework. He will resent it at first but once his grades start coming up he'll feel better about himself too. Our deal at home is, videogames may be played for 1 hour when you get home, then it's homework time, dinner, and more homework time if needed, then I review the homework and if it's done to my satisfaction...I don't care what the kid does for the rest of the evening as far as videogames are concerned. Good luck being the firm parent...I also suggest pulling some information for his father about the importance of supporting your children in their school stuff.

Is his son planning on going to college?
Because if he is, then SS better get his little butt in gear NOW or he'll never catch up.

If SS does not develop the necessary study skills now in FRESHMAN YEAR to discipline himself, while the course load is relatively easy, how will he manage once things get more difficult in Junior year?

I would ask BF if he is ready for his son's future to include the phrase, "Do you want FRIES with that?"

Because if he doesn't get serious with his schooling now, that's about all he'll be prepared for in life. It's extremely different from when BF went to school- it's much more competitive out there, and kids today DO NEED some kind of post-high school education to succeed in life (be it technical school or college).

Your BF is kidding himself if he thinks this problem is just going to "work itself out" on its own accord. He has to be a parent and get his head out of his a$$.

Take Rags' advice. We follow the same regiment here.

My husband has 2 Ivy League degrees and I have a Bachelor's in Education. We don't "play" when it comes to education in our home- and our kids know it!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'

your SS's grade card. SD17 is a junior in high school - DH hasn't seen her grade card since Dec 2007 (not a typo!). Her card for the end of last year (May 08) mysteriously never made it to us. Her school had parents night last Oct but DH didn't attend (attendance was mandatory in order to get grade cards) - no idea what happened on that one either, but her sister whom she was living with at the time, assured us it was 'good'. Uh huh... It's probably time for another report card, but we'll never see it. It's obvious DH doesn't really care about her grades, he doesn't even know what classes she's taking, but you'd think the school administration might be a little curious as to what's going on. And as for the BM, she's only interested in the SD's if there's something in it for her, she could care less about this kid's school issues. I used to ask SD17 about school, grades, etc., but only got vague answers or outright lies, so I finally gave up. Too bad someone doesn't care - she's only got one more year of high school left and college will be a nightmare for her if she's not prepared - I know...I work at a university and see these kids come in and the struggles they go through.