Should I try and understand????
That the reason why BF treats my son different from his daughter is because he was so used to it just being his daughter and now he has to adjust because my son is in the picture. I mean its been a year and a half isnt this enough time to see that the kids need to be treated fairly? For example we just got a new car and nothing can be left in the car not my sons bookbag or sweater... But the other day that we picked up his daughter her sweater was left in the car. the next morning when we were getting ready to take my son to school BF said oh my daughter left her sweater!! So i couldnt hold it in and I said WOW you actually let something stay in the car overnight??? He claims he didnt see the sweater... But what is the coincedence that he always sees my sons?? Am I just being a pain in the ass... Am I looking for reasons to fight? Please Help
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Sometimes I feel
Like maybe Im looking to hard for things. But I just dont understand. I do nothing at all to make SD feel uncomfortable in any way. I dont try to get into anything she does at all. I feel like its me sometimes cause im just looking for stuff but I refuse for my son to be treated differently.
no, we all go through this
My Dh does is all of the time. Never does he see what his little angels do but he very observant of my bd. It drive me nuts. It is as if dh has skid blinders built into his contacts.
Crayon is soooo right. They just don't see any of the crap their kids do or don't do.
My sd can do ANYTHING at all and dh will defend her. it is sickening.
How does your son feel. I
How does your son feel. I don't know how old the kids are, but has your son noticed he is being treated differently?
YES!!!!!!
Both kids are 9 years old SD birthday is tomorrow. One day my son was trying to tell me a secret and BF had a fit because he felt that my son should say it out loud. Well one day when SD was over she went and told him a secret in front of my son and my son said oh its ok for her to do it and BF said shes not telling a secret shes whispering. Its whispering when she does it but when my son does it its a secret. Things like this piss me off. So yes my son does notice and it bothers me like hell.....
Oh it sounds like he really forgot
this time anyway.
It is an honest mistake to not see the sweater buuuuut that whispering thing is really something. I would get annoyed if he did that all the time too.
You say it has been 1 1/2 years, well, I have to admit it took about 2 years or so for me to feel comfortable in my own home when my SD9 first came into the picture. I really didn't start feeling better about her invading my space till I was pregnant with my Hs and my first son.And I am sure she knew it, but it was hard when my then boyfriend moves into my 1 bedroom apt with a 3 1/2 yr old (even if it was just EOW). SD went from having 1 drawer of things at our our first apt to (we moved, then after I was pregnant) her own bedroom with everything you can imagine a girl would want. Then she started feeling more like part of the family, I could go about my biz normally.
It is a big adjustment. He may need more time, I did. He may treat them differently becuz guys tend to treat girls and boys differently. Even when they both are his. Ask him once see what he says.
No I would try to make him understand
I would keep pointing out the DOUBLE STANDARD for your kids. If he is going to do it, he needs to at least be called out on it as often as you can. If he gets mad that you say something, tell him if he didn't do it, you wouldn't need to say it! let us know what happens
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
good for the goose
is good for the gander, time to put your foot down, there can be no double standards period.
It is extremely unfair to your bioson and in time he may come to resent his treatment and act out.
fix this now!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I have 2 bio kids that live
I have 2 bio kids that live with me and DH, and SS EOW, and things like that happen all the time. I call my ss "the golden child" becaue of the way DH treats him differently.
It's amazing how DH lets alot of things slide when SS is with us and as soon as he leaves all the rules go back in place.
We talked about this several times and he claims that he does not want SS to be yelled at allthe time when he is with us..hahah.OMG,
I see the clear diffence sometimes, now when he starts yelling about "the kids" I always mention SS name also, if he defends him all hell breaks out
for that sweater int he car, as soon as I saw it I would of called the sd over to come get it out.
I told DH that my my kids see the difference and if he keeps it up he is going to divide the family, my kids will not like their stepbrother, they are always watching to see what DH lets ss get away with
blinders on
yes indeedy. Last nite DH asked SD what she wants for dinner and she ignores him. He continues to say SD what do you want? Nothing. She is ingrossed in watching that blabbing box of stupid kiddy programs. Finally I say..your daughter is not answering you. no response. But forget it when she calls out to him DADDDDDDDDDDDDD commmmmmmmme herrrrrre! up up up him jumps. :sick:
i was raised
with my parents showing favoritism to one of us and not the others and no way was i going to raise mine like that.
For the sanity of your biochild and his self esteem do something -anything to show him you are not ok with the lopsided politics in your home..IMHO!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Crayon!!!!
SD8 will sometimes poop while pushing her pants down so we'll end up with clumps of poop on the floor. :barf: She won't wipe after going to the bathroom. Nor will she wash her hands. :o And then she'll go straight to eating her 20 mcnuggets, large fries, large soda, and an ice cream sundae. Oh, and half of DH's double cheeseburger.
What does DH say when I tell him about all of this?
"She's just a kid!"
:o Seriously? My parents never, ever used that excuse.
All of that for an 8 year old???
That is an INSANE amount of food....God knows how much she'll be eating when she's older at that rate!
Tell me about it!
I told DH that SD8 was getting a little chubby. I didn't mean anything by it! I was just simply stating that SD8 was gaining a little too much weight way too fast for her age. DH just said that she would grow out of it. True, she may grow out of the weight, but she won't grow out of the fast food eating habit.
Also, DH never expects SD8 eat all of her dinner, especially when we make REAL food for her. but yet she can eat 20 mcnuggets on top of all her fries and whatever left overs DH has from mcdonalds. It's ridiculous!
She won't if she keeps eating like that ~
She's not going to if she keeps up this diet of junk all the time, plus the large amount! (and no activity) She'll get used to that amount, and as she grows, just want more!!
What's it going to take? Her getting made fun of at school? I had to break it down like that to my BF when I had "the talk" about SS's eating habits. He was eating an ENTIRE regular bag of chips in one sitting, plus ice cream, etc. I pointed that out to him, plus the fact that his pants (that we just bought) didn't fit him anymore, and that was enough to get the "daddy-goggles" off and see that he was doing SS a grave diservice by letting this go on. SS's eating habits have gotten better, but it's something that I still struggle with daily. Ahh, the food battle!
I can't believe that these guys won't wake up and see what their doing to their kids!!
LOL!!
I seriously about choked on my lunch when I read your last statement, Crayon! I'm laughing too hard right now....
learn by example
I read somewhere that "Great" successful people look to others to learn by example
one would think that our SO would look at our highly FUNCTIONING biokids and say hey these kids/young adults -listen they have wonderful personal hygiene or whatever and LEARN something..
NOPE cuz for them (SO) that means HARD work and discipline that means holding kids accountable and it is much easier to let (Junior and soon to be excon)have their way that is until they are visiting them every other weekend at the local hoosgow!
My kids sound like yours Crayon they are not curing cancer but they certainly arent raping and pillaging! will not be a burden on our society..that to me is successful. that and they respect me and my authority.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
FH youngest bioson
On christmas eve ate 4 peanut butter GOO GOO clusters and three reeses pb cups
then hot chocolate and cookies..
however if I said anything I would be ignored or better yet, he would say to BS now ---- you shouldnt eat all that you know.
ugh.
This kid is going to be a fatty fatty two by four!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."