that is tough cuz he will be paying for a very long time depending on his Divorce Decree.
In some cases I do not understand the rulings some judges give or the logic involved in a lot of the determinations regarding CS.
unfortunately there is little to do about it, maybe concentrate your energies elsewhere??
hey I think I saw a blog about voodoo dolls...
try one of those!
(sorry) it sucks I know!!
maybe see a therapist??

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

do three really super good deeds!! then if you do this one really no so good thing then you have 3x the good coming back at ya..
I think going back to court is a step in the right direction maybe that will help the feeling of unfairness unless the judge is a complete idiot then you will have to rethink the whole doll thing..
LOL
I took up crocheting again, it relaxes me and when I make things for others it make me feel good too.
good luck with the hearing!!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I'm not sure i'll get use to it EVER but, we only have 7 years left,my kids get SS benifits from there dad passing away, so MY kids don't suffer financially from her stupid ass, and by the time my husband starts to make searous money from his business we should be done. so I'd rather be broke now and RICH later.(haha)
I get more pissed at the system (at times)then her, all though she doesn't work, so me,my husband ,and her husband support her kid and shes fine with this, which just re-inforces me that the is a lazy,stupid peice of CRAP. as you can tell i'm still bitter...
the system has a thing with "dead beet dads"
but don't seem to have a problem with the "dead beet moms"???????????

and a double standard, like gmama said. my DH pays ALOT for one kid and he doesnt make a huge salary. its hard especially bc SD was a trap baby, and BM lied to have her...we struggle every month and almost lost our house bc of his CS obligation, but no one cares. and the CS we get for SS is nowhere even close to what we pay, and when we tried to get an increase, they screwed everything up and until it gets straitened out we are actually getting LESS than before. i think of all the things OUR baby wont have bc of CS. and it wouldnt even bother me if it were a reasonable amount to take care of the kid. but BM gets so much, she only works PT at minimum wage, has a new car, etc...so we are basically furnishing HER lifestyle as well while she contributes nothing to the kid.

so i understand. its a hard pill to swallow.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

for me at least, its the ridiculous amount. im sorry, but it does not take $800 a month, NOT INCLUDING DAYCARE, to raise a child. its more of how unfair the system is. we literally almost lost our HOUSE bc of CS and its not fair that our baby will have to suffer so that BM can drive a new car and work PT.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

*hugs* for you. Lots of *hugs*!!!

It's rough for all of us because we marry these men who have children, a stupid ex, and have to support them all. And we're left in the cold a lot of the time. For me I had saved up enough money to get myself a nice house WITHOUT DH. I was able to get myself a nice car WITHOUT DH. I was able to start college WITHOUT DH. And I'm able to support myself WITHOUT DH.

Because the sad thing is... DH has no money whatsoever after CS. He'll have MAYBE $100 a paycheck... and that isn't enough to pay for the bills. It's hardly enough to pay for groceries. So, thanks to BM and their spoiled rotten child I have to support myself AND DH. It's hard... so hard and sometimes I find myself having nervous breakdowns. And it does make me mad too because BM makes a whole lot more than me or DH... not to mention DH gives her extra money on the side... she gets money from her family... so. I don't understand why WE have to suffer just so THEY can live a life of luxury just because they popped a child out of their vagina.

I feel for you, Fubar... and we all suffer with you. But you know what? It only makes us stronger than our BMs... and it makes us better people. If you can afford it, always try to save the money you don't NEED... like money used for entertainment or whatnot. It's okay to treat yourself once in a while, but if you become strict with yourself about money, you'll be surprised how much you'll save up! And maybe you won't be able to save enough for a big house... but maybe you'll have enough for a really nice apartment... you can move out of that shit hole of yours and into a wonderful apartment and continue saving up for that dream house of yours. I have faith in you!

Crayon.......I agreed 4 years ago to a 50/50 split everything was down the middle. But the problem arises when the other 1/2 always doesn't have the money. One parent has to pay in full then wait until the other parent pays their portion.

My ex and I did good for almost 2 years into it until he met someone else. Then it was I don't have any money. Ummmm...you go out to movies with the girlfriend and the kids when he had them but couldn't come up with 1/2 of daycare which wasn't really that much to start.

I have been dealing with the stall tact and about to get an attorney. I got married and relocated (within the guidelines of the shared parenting agreement) My BD10 started living with me over a year and 1/2 ago and my BS16 wanted to live with his dad. Guess what? The ex thought since he had 1 and I had the other he didn't have to pay for a year of childcare, tutording and dance lessons. He owes roughly $1600.

I know have both my kids. My BS16 started living with me because my ex kept it for me over the summer that he got caught smoking pot in his basement. My son almost failed the 9th grade because his Dad last year.

My DH and I talked it over with my kids and said we would no longer discuss afterwards. They want to live with us.

My ex owes back child support in another state so I am sure that he really doesn't want to see court. I just want to change the order because the kids have been living with me. (The idiot thinks that it was their decision.) And yes since he has issues paying on time, then CS would be in the best interest.

The CS probably wouldn't be over $500 for 2 kids. I can't get rich but at least be able to say that he is NOW supporting them.

Just try to remember every time that you write that check that you are getting closer and closer to the finish line. CS is part of life when you get married to someone with kds and it appears that in most families they are both paying and receiving it. All of those years I felt the same way and now I am 5 MONTHS away from the finish line. I thought that CS was bad enough until she came up with another plan to get more money which included paying for her education and all the time she was on scholarship. I get up at 5:00 every morning so we can pay alimony and CS and the whining about the money ending started years ago when she realized that train was on a broken track. She is working a job but frankly I dont care how she pays her bills after the money stops.
She raised her kds to be just like her and yes they firmly believe that direct deposit is a great way for dad to send the money. Our kds are grown now and 1 just lost his job because of the economy and the other expects to lose hers soon. I have no doubt that they would love it if we continue to send the money because they are so spoiled. Now when they call to whine about wanting more or something,I simply say, "Ask not what I can do for you, but ask what you can do for me."
In your case it may be true that she has a better life style but you've got the most important thing and that is her former husband. He will be there a long time after the CS ends and then she can make it on her own.

I feel your pain Fubar, how about this? BM married wealthy guy, they live a big house, pool tiki hut, hummer, RV and a another house in GA. SS has new sneaker EOW. They to Disney Universal in a drop of a hat. You get the picture

We just squeak by, the tax refund is going to save us from forclosure, our cars are old, we hardly ever go out to eat, never mind the 5 of us. We havent gone on vacation in over 7 years. Im not complaining, but its not easy

Last year BM decides that she wants more money, so AGAIN, we are back in court. She has a lawyer, we dont. I refuse to get in more debt for a lawyer, but we did get legal advise.
In court her lawyer claimed how poor she was, how difficul things are for her,her wealthy husband finances were never included , they file separetly.
so the lawyer gave an oscar worthy presentation, I wanted to clap and scream BRAVO!!

ok to make this shorter , my husband landed pay almost double.
Talk about hurting. It use to be that we would send her a check in the mail now it is taken out of DH paycheck which helps
We use to get emails that she is waiting for her check, even when it was not due.
She use to to send emails that she received the check and was heading out to go shopping w/ a smily face
cute huh?

I certainly think that fathers should support their kids, but I dont think that the court should evaluate with just what the BM presents. For instance if BM has incredible credit. She has 5 credit cards with high credit lines and has a lease for a $400.00 a month car, the court shoud question her. Or how can she live in a $700,000 home with just making 18, 000 a year. Even if they dont file together, get the new husband income.

It's totally unfair sometimes

The system is broken. I would start by coming up with a minimum on what it takes to raise the kid and go from there. The whole foundation is screwed up. I couldn't believe it when I finally understood how it's calculated in divorce. They take both parents incomes and add them then decide what percentage of that would go to raising kids if they were still married. Then divide that based on income level and custody...

Because the kids are "entitled to the same financial lifestyle to which they were accustomed when the parents were married."

Exactly why is that? The parents are supposed to maintain the amount of money they spent on their kids when they had two incomes, and one household/set of bills?

Makes NO sense to me.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

We have 50/50 custody, and DH was paying almost $600 a month for skids due to income differences. He did so without complaint even though we have the skids more than the 50% agreed upon. BM's fiance openly laughed that DH was going to pay for their house! They got new cars, new furniture etc all on DH's dime even though BM's fiance made more than DH! Well, unfortunately DH lost his good paying job 6 months ago. He did manage to find another job, but makes 1/3 what he did at his last job. Her comment to him was "hey, we'll just keep track of what you owe me and when your income goes up...you can pay me back." HUH?? Ummm Nope. Newsflash to her. Joint custody means now SHE owes us CS. We had to go to court to stop us paying her. But really what torks me off is that she has done everything in her power to avoid paying us CS. She has agreed to recalculate CS, yet never responded to any stipulations sent to her lawyer. I'm not kidding, less than an hour before our scheduled court hearing, her lawyer says "uh ok, yeah we'll agree to pay child support. We'll be sending over a stipulation." (that was over a week ago.) So here we sit 4 months later with her dragging her feet. But when it's all said and done she will owe us for almost a year in arrears of CS plus unreimbursed medical bills. $$$$ OUCH. Guess the Fiance isn't laughing so hard now.....

I don't like that we have to pay it. But we have to, it is 17%. Which I do think is a lot since we have to go without some things and sacrifice to pay it.

I hate that people refer to it as his "first family". It wasn't. It was a girlfriend that cheated on him and did drugs while she was pregnant. He was young, so was she. It was a mistake that happened not a divorce, or planned family that didn't work out.

All the kids should be treated fairly and we should spend the same on each of them. But we CS and buying her everything she would need here we spend much much more on her than anyone else in the family.

I look forward to year b-day she has. Only 8 years left. It sounds like a lot but I have already survived 6 years, I can do that one more time, time flies.

First, if a BM does not receive payment on schedule, maybe it is because DH has not been paid himself. When DHs work commission only jobs to get the big bucks some BMs slobber over! the downside is that a lot of times, there is no paycheck because there was no sale that month!!! So no one is trying to 'starve' BMs or children, or keep anyone out of the bar that night, we are struggling to eat ourselves, if you don't mind!! but Dhs and Stepmoms don't matter, only BM and skids deserve to eat on the regular! I know, whatever, to quote my MIL, 'its all for the children, they are what's important' - well so am I, to work the extra job to pay when he can't, because no one is buying!! so how about a break and some compassion for the father of your child??!!!

2nd: I feel the whole system is designed to try to force husbands to stay in unhappy marriages, because they can't afford to support 2 households. But I think the reason the courts are so pro-bm, is because some of these women are fruitcakes, and they don't want their crazy BM *sses onto the court people! so they say, pay them off, so they will be quiet and quit calling the courts!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

i like ur rationale on the pro-BM court system! lol!

they also allow women to trap men w a child to earn a paycheck, leaving the subsequent family the man chose to have to suffer.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin