What is wrong with this scenario?
I just think of all the posts on here about how BM's just happen to increase CS once their ex is getting married or starting a new family, and how the new baby/family get neglected. Or they find out their ex got a second job, or got a raise, or a bonus, and go for an increase. I know a guy who had to pay so much for CS for his child, that he had to get a second job just to make ends meet. His ex found out about the second job, and went for an increase and got it. So he still couldn't make ends meet. And he couldn't quit the second job, b/c it wouldn't lower his CS obligation. But BM's don't care, b/c their child came first and deserve EVERYTHING. Or courts that feel that the first family should be taken care of first. I understand that the child should not suffer b/c their parents could not make it work. They deserve the lifestyle they would have had if their family was not broken. I understand that perspective to a certain degree.
But what happens if the marraige didn't break up, and the parents have more kids? Sorry, second child. But your older sibling was born first, and is more important. I know that he/she already has a bike, and a complete wardrobe, and a computers, but I must provide another one for him/her, so maybe we can get you one later. Yes, younger sibling, your older sibling deserves two of everything, by virtue of being first born. Oh, you need clothes for school? Sorry, but I have to make sure older sibling is taken care of first. Nope, can't pay for college for you, can't afford it. I know that older sibling gets brand name clothing, and we shop at the thrift store for you, but it's only fair. Must pay for older sibling. No, can't get a car for you, see reason above. Quit asking for things. Your needs will be met after older siblings wants.
That's what I think of sometimes. How unfair it is, not to the second FAMILY, but the second CHILD.
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Interesting Approach
I agree with you, in certain cases the other child gets neglected in the pursuit of overfulfill the first child's needs...
Courts are old school still
They really need an overhaul on CS and custody. We can all say this till we are blue in the face, but it's so true. 2Bloved brings up an excellent point. Why should the second child suffer? Especially if the parents were never married and acting like a family to begin with? Why is the Female always deemed by the court to be the "better" parent? And how come the BM's can quit their job or never have one, and the judges think this is great, but God forbid your DH loses his job. That money better keep rolling on in!
I was just revising our custody agreement for DH to have notarized and deliver to BM tonight, and in reading the original order, it states that HE will pay for all of the childrens insurance and 75% of any non-covered medical expenses! What kind of BS is that? He obviously had a terrible attorney! They have split legal custody, and we are at 60/40 physical custody (we have 60%) why should DH be responsible for that much of their medical costs? Did BM not provide half their DNA? So when they have medical issues, is it not half her responsibility?
Things might change
Thankfully BF is in the military now and has Triwest. He has never had to fight Bm about paying anything for the kids. Triwest covers it. And United Concordia is pretty good too. Anything out of pocket, we just take care of. In the 2 1/2 years we have been together, we have only asked BM once to pay for something for OSD, who is not biologically BF's. That was the $30 copay for her eye exam. She's supposed to pay for OSD dental bill also, which will be a first, for $85. She's due for her next checkup next week, so we'll cut a check and hopefully BM will reimburse us. BM doesn't do appts. We pay for everything else for all the kids. When he gets out though, it might change. Their DD says that he is to provide 400,000 SGLI for the kids, and he covers them for medical and dental. Well, this is all thru the military. So can he get that amended, or just buy another policy and add them to my medical? Or will Bm just add the younger two to her insurance, since she already has a family plan for OSD. Hopefully she won't make waves with copays and whatnot, since he's never gone after her for any of that.
"But your older sibling was
"But your older sibling was born first, and is more important."
I think this is exactly how the law is written.
I don't think...
it's a matter of more important, the law is written so that cs payers cannot thwart cs recipients by going and having subsequent children just to reduce the amount of support to the first mother. The logic is, you already know you have one child and what it costs to support that child, if you could not afford to continue supporting that child you would not make the decision to have an additional (financial obligation) child.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."
You missed my point
My point is that everything is geared toward going above and beyond for the firstborn. I think Elizabeth or someone else wrote about how unfair it is that divorced parents are FORCED to pay for their childs college education. But parents that are not divorced do not have that obligation.
My point is that if the parents weren't divorced, the child would not be getting two of everything, or have so much spent on them, or would not be "entitled" to so much. Because chances are, his/her parents probably would have had another kid along the way, and it's not fair to the second child to do without so the firstborn can have the best of everything, while the subsequent children get the shaft. It's not fair that one parent can enroll the child in every single sport known to man, and expect the NCP to pay for half of it. If they were still married, the parent has the right to say no. But since they're divorced, he/she is COURT ORDERED to write the check. All the while, NCP has one or two kids at home, who he/she can afford to support, if it wasn't for all the needless extravagances forced on him/her by the CP.
Child rearing costs are not linear there is an age component ...
to the calculation of CS if there are multiple kids.
In most cases as a child ages the CS for that child will go up. Younger children get less while the older children received a higher percentage of the CS dollars available from an NCP (or CP for that matter).
When the oldest kid ages out from under CS then the younger ones move up the scale.
This is evident in situations where an NCP has children with multiple mothers either out of wedlock of in multiple divorce situations.
In our case we do not seek an amendment of CS every 2yrs for my SS as the rules allow.
However, I do have friends where the CP/BMs do file for amendment every 24mos like clock work. In those cases every time a amendment is asked for CS goes up.
The system is not designed to screw any one person or classification of people (NCPs, CPs, BMs, BFs)
In most states (that I am aware of) the max that CS can be is 21-25% of NCP income. How that money is allocated between multiple children my multiple partners seems to be most prevalently dependent on the age of the children.
Best regards,
We went back 9 years later when I got layed off so that ....
my income could no longer be considered in order to lower BioDad's CS. And as you indicated it was stressful. Each time there has been a court action addressing my SS's Custody/Visitation/Support case we have gotten nearly every thing we have pushed for and BioDad has been taken to the cleaners by the Judge.
However, even though we have always gotten nearly everything that we wanted it always felt totally unfulfilling and I have left court feeling like a needed to take a shower at a high pressure car wash to get rid of the feeling of disgust I have left court with every time BioDad tries to weasel out of his responsibilities to my SS or when we have had to take him to court and smack him around with the judgement a little bit.
My wife has the same perspective that you have. It is so stressful that any benefit gained or nagging issues prevented are not worth the stress and emotional upheaval that a Family Court action generates.
For me it is more of a righteous quest that I must win for my SS's sake. In between Family Court battles my disgust for the whole process fades until I am reminded of how disgusting I find THEM and just about everyone affiliated with the Family Law system the next time we have to go through it.
Hey, 16 more months the Skid turns 18 and I don't ever have to deal with THEM or the idiots in the Family Law system again.
I can handle anything for 16 months.
Best regards,
This is true, because our cs
This is true, because our cs calculator specifically asks if there are more children you are responsible for, are you married to the other parent? No need to askthat if they don't take it into account!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
It doesn't really change
It doesn't really change much either if your not married. My BF's ex hits the roof every time she finds out that we taken a little trip. And believe me, they've all been little trips, and I always contribute something to them. Most of the time we do not tell her, but a couple of times he thought he'd be honest and let her know we went to Vegas for a couple of days. I think he finally learned his lesson. She won't stop harassing him about more money, or the girls need this or that, or he hasn't taken the girls on a trip since (whatever). It never fails every time she has found out...you better believe that won't be the end of it either. BF has finally learned to keep his mouth shut.
Same here
BM goes nuts whenever she finds out we have taken a trip somewhere or made a new purchase. Even if it has to do with SS or he goes along on the trip. Somehow every little thing we do is a slap in the face to her. If we can afford to go here or buy this or do this, then BF can afford to give all that extra money to her. If it were up to her, he would pay her every cent of money that didn't go into paying bills.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
I struggle with this one...
Because in theory, if DH has a child then he pays less right? Well that means that if BM has a child he pays more? Because it essentially is a "credit" in the child support calculation, so if DH is entitled, then so is BM.
These post-divorce (or whatever your situation entails) born children, I think, should have nothing to do with the original child support order. Just my honest, heart felt opinion. I understand the logic, but it's just not the way it works.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
I think this is the first
I think this is the first time I disagree with you CG! Considering cs is based on income and not neccessarily need, I think if you have more children they should be factored into all cs obligations. I don't mean cut dramatically, but a parent should have an equal obligation to all his kids. If he has some outrageous cs obligation and tries to have a baby with his new wife, which he can affod, what happens if he ends up with twins or triplets, which they cannot afford? This happened to my cousin. He has a 10 yr old son, married and tried to have a baby with his wife. She got pregnant with triplets. One died before birth, but they ended up with twins. Life would be much easier on those kids if dad could get at least some break, or at least not another increase, in cs now that he has 2 more children to provide for.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Oh yeah and it's wonderful how because of it
The BF is providing so much money so the kids can have a perfect life at BM's house and there's no $ left for BF to do nice things for them at his house. I would love to find out what we could do as for starting an advocacy group for the courts to do more investigating when it comes to custody and child support rather than just being so cut and dry so they don't have to take more time, and that stupid child support calculator and the fact the BM's get the automatic majority custody and all that jazz. I think we got a bad lawyer anyway, but the facts are... like he said... the courts don't care what BM is spending the money on. It's beyond bologna. The lawyer also told us that when BM filed the "significant change in circumstances" and BF being in the construction field and the construction field going under in these hard economical times, we weren't even making all our bills, but if he were to lose his job he can't file the same significant change of circumstances??? WOW something seriously needs to be done, unfortunately i have no knowledge, nor interest in law and reading about it and what not.
And it was great when BM said
she was doing everything possible and just couldn't make it. You're not struggling until you have no tv, no internet, living on ramen, which is pretty much where cs left us.
I got our CS lowered
when BM filed for CS funny it was the week after we got married! The order was for close to 1000.00 for 3 kids I got it reduced to $600 because i told them we were married and had 2 kids but we live in ca and actually the older kids got less money when they broke it down on how much was for each kid the oldest got like 120 second around 160 smallest 320 I get
$200 for my BD 6 father and I think it's plenty and he
pays for her medical insurance!