ss seems to run my house, help!
I have a 12 yr ss who I have helped raise since he was 1yr old. I have ALWAYS treated him as if he is my own, but am told constantly by bd that I am not. This goes with out saying, I know this and would NEVER try to take real moms place. His bm let father have custody do to her instability. She has moved around and had many boyfriends in and out of my ss's life. In the last 3 years she is around a whole lot more and really steppinng up. My husband and I have always been the constant. Since about the age of 8 it seems ss always tried to make it a struggle between he and myself for my husbands attention, which I understand. He is just seeking stability and testing us. However he also knows that no matter what he does wrong his dad will back him. I watch him in the mornings and afternons, help with homework, attend conferences, make sure summer camps are handled , while both natural parents work.I have even taken a job in the last 5 years so I am home when he gets in from school. I love him and realy dont mind, but now my husband continues to let ss do what he wants at the age of 12. He rec. a report card with 3 D's and was only punished for 3 days because the grades start over with A's. AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
His son is rude, condescending and just plays us against each other. Husband says that is his only child (although I have a adult child,from a prev.marriage, who he loves and calls his daughter)and he has to be there for him even if it means me leaving. So i put it to the test and he left for 3 days (moved out) and came back saying he would do whatever he had to because we have been together for 12 years and I am the love of his life, however we had an incident last night with his son testing authority and being rude and once again my husband corrected me in front of his child. What can I do to save my marriage. My husband has always been my best friend till lately and I love my stepson but am starting to resent him and REALLY dont want to. Just want to have a happy family!
Comments
If your husband will not
If your husband will not back you, and undermine you by correcting you inj front of the child, he is telling the child you do not matter. You have no authority in anything.
You have few options. 1, take it and like it... which isnt much of an option is it?
Get out. Again, not a great option.
Get on the same page however you do it. If you cannot come together as a united front you cant win. You will feel marginalized, because you will be.
This is the fight I am fighting. My DW and I are in counseling. Without it, my marriage would be over already, and I would be in a new fight over my BD2. I hope my wife and I can make more progress but it is an ongoing struggle some days seem like they will get better, others seem hopeless.
If it wasnt for my BD I would have given up. I love my wife, but the differences and battles over SD13 are more than I can handle. I keep going because I do love my wife very much, and because I want to be there every day for my BD.
Good luck
marginalized!
MSloan, you have put a word to my feelings. That is exactly what I am trying to prevent by having left H.
One can only hope!
My advice is to either throw
My advice is to either throw your hands up and leave or enter family therapy. He needs to realize he allows out to make be the bad guy (as most SP are). Dad needs to figure out why he does it and how to stop it. SS needs to figure out why he instigates it and how he will change that. You need to figure out at what line enough is enough.
Therapy for everyone seems the best option if you can afford it.
THANK YOU ALL! I am new at
THANK YOU ALL! I am new at this site and needed to make sure I am not losing my mind. My family is so tired of seeing me upset and I keep making excuses for H. Saying he is a good man (and he is) and they do not understand why I allow him to allow his son to treat me the way he does. H says he will go to therapy so I am praying because I truly do love my H,however I agree I have to draw that line and enough is enough. So wish me luck with that we all need counseling. I am always willing to learn different ways to handle situations and sometimes wonder if I am overstepping as a sp but I do have all the responsiblities for ss. Thanks again for any input I can always use it good or bad, just willing to have different opinions especially from those who have been here. THANKS