New House Rules-long
So DH and I sat down with Zippy16 last night-it was DH birthday and Zippy said NOTHING all day-even after the birthday cake came out-no Happy Birthday dad!!! Not even at bed time....
Zippy sat through the ordeal with much rolling of eyes and nasty comments-
Zippy-rolling his eyes talking exasperated: "Duh Dad-this is the same thing OVER and OVER again"
Me: "Well, Zippy -when you start doing these things -these meetings will stop"
We asked him why he did not go to the job op his Dad told him to go to-he lied point blank to DH face-then had the nerve to say
"I was hanging out with my friends at the mall (after he told his dad he would go to the job application place)-he lied and said he dropped off resumes at the mall when clearly he DID NOT-then YELLS at his dad that "So I can't hang out with my friends at the mall??-and DAD AFTER I thought about that place I am not working there-I don't want to work anywhere but places I LIKE!"
me: :jawdrop:
After dinner we sat down with these pathetic rules (by DH)-Zippy stomped angrily down the stairs after we went through them-
DH called me in the kitchen he was weeping-"Poor Zippy-I feel so bad imposing these rules on him (weep weep)-I HATE the way Zippy looks at me now" me: :sick: (Zippy's got that lover/partner look towards dad wiped off his face big time!) Poor DH was weepy all night at the thought of Zippy not googling adoringly at DH 24/7
The infamous rules that Zippy hates:
DH: Zippy I apologize if it sounds like I am picking on you but...
You live in a community where there are others around you whose lives you affect. In order to create harmony at home we are implementing some new rules. These are not suggestions. If you want to be treated as an adult follow these simple rules and there will be more peace.
Manners
This is not rocket science.
Greet people (hello, goodbye, good morning, and good night). Someone does something for you say “thank you”. You want something say “please”.
Video Games
You game way too much and as a result other things are not being done. The noise, rumbling, screaming and banging are driving me crazy.
One day per weekday no Xbox, no computer. You must go out and do something, stop living in the basement.
Video gaming is to be limited to 2 hours per night. Rock banding drumming maximum is ½ hr per day if you are not alone in the house or unless you have a friend visiting.
Bed time
10pm on school nights, 11pm weekends. School night is any night that precedes a school day (Sunday night is a school night). You’ve been pretty good about this one.
Wakeup (This was the one Zippy hated the most!)
This one makes me crazy. You don’t leave yourself enough time in the morning to take care of your personal hygiene, make your lunch and gather your belongings. It plays into you being late and raise my anger level. You must stop waiting until the last minute to do things.
Out of bed, dressed and downstairs by 7:30
Lunch
Make it, don’t make I don’t care, but I won’t fund meal buying at school. If you don’t make it I will stop buying lunch stuff.
Hygiene
Showers every 2nd day, Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Saturday,. Face washing with soap and teeth brushing every day twice a day.
Cleanup
Pick up dirty dishes bottles, cans, etc DAILY. When you come up from the basement bring your dishes with you and from your room as well.
Once per month through cleaning of your room and space downstairs (vacuuming, dusting)
Part Time Job.
This is not an option. Get a job… period. Being fussy is not an option I can’t fund your habits. I can help you, take you around to places
Chores
Grass mowing – Tuesday. Rain delay is next dry day.
Extra chores as needed will be paid for based on difficulty and duration
Consequence
No manners… requests will be denied. Be aware last minute requests for rides will likely be turned down. Make arrangements in advance.
Video gaming will be reduced further for no compliance
No Job this summer - expect less time gaming, use of IPOD and computer and to spend more time with your mother. (spending time with BM is a punishment to Zippy-wonder how that happened DH???)
Awards
Loosening of bed time restrictions. More harmony in our home. More requests granted.
DH went to bed, on his birthday -looking like he lost his best friend-I honestly do not think I will EVER forget that kodak moment!
- Endora's blog
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Birthday
cake $20.00. Card $1.00. Birthday dinner $30.00. Gift $50.00.
The look on your lazy ass step sons face when daddy laid down the law, priceless.
Priceless indeed
I managed to get a "follow up and follow through" promise from DH-which he did not do before-YIKES-like trying to break two mules honestly!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Yes
In writing-in triplicate -and one copy on the fridge in the kitchen for reference-
DH promised to follow up and follow through (this is the hard part!)
DH also said last night-in between tears-how terrible he felt "putting" Zippy through this.
(I nearly ralphed my cookies)
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Oh my God
If my step lived with me I'D NEED THIS LIST!!!!!!
I couldn't put up with any of this stuff. You are a complete saint for tolerating this for this long.
I couldn't pawn this off on another woman-----if I were the biomom.
DH called me in the kitchen
DH called me in the kitchen he was weeping-"Poor Zippy-I feel so bad imposing these rules on him (weep weep)-I HATE the way Zippy looks at me now" me: Barf! (Zippy's got that lover/partner look towards dad wiped off his face big time!) Poor DH was weepy all night at the thought of Zippy not googling adoringly at DH 24/7
SERIOUSLY? Do you have issue maintaining respect for him with this behavior?
Ya know Sloan, I was thinking...
the EXACT same thing but didn't want to say anything to hurt her feelings.
Sorry, but I would lose all respect for a man if he acted like that!
I do
have trouble maintaining respect in the case of Zippy-
DH is a respected, mature, kind, successful business man in town-
HOWEVER-
When it comes to his beloved Zippy16-DH turns into a complete love struck pansy-and quite frankly- a turn off!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Same here, Endora
I know exactly how you feel. My DH is an extremely accomplished, respected man...at work.
But when it comes to his lack of disciplining his daughters OR standing his ground with regard to his POS ex (who makes our lives a living hell on a daily basis)I totally agree... BIG turnoff.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
I just don't get it
Why do some parents act if teaching their children basic responsibilty is something bad???? how does ever expect the Zipster to ever be anything more than a dependant blob?
I agree with GG. These are
I agree with GG. These are basic things that ALL kids have to follow. Just becuz these kids have a blended family they feel they are entitled.
Beware Part 2
Congrats on laying out rules for the Zipster! Interesting to note who was the one in tears after...but, I digress.
Now you can expect Zip to defy your rules. After all, he is in charge of your home (in his mind), and he has to set things right again. It's his way of testing your resolve. To be successful, you and DH must--absolutely MUST--follow through with immediate consequences. One thing you can immediately do is pull the plug on that damn X-Box and tell Zip he has to earn it back.
Actually, compared to when I went through this with my stepbrats, you have a lot of easy leverage with the Zip. He is addicted to X-Box--so take it away. He likes the Rock Band drumming--take it away. TV in the basement? Remove it. Door-to-door chauffeur service to the mall? NO. Junk food in the fridge--get rid of it.
There's a lot you can do here! My steps were different. They didn't really care about anything, so it was difficult to find something to leverage.
Once Zip learns that he has to EARN his privileges, he might shape up a bit. C'mon--none of the things you would take away would cause harm if he were without.
Remember, you are smarter than Zip, and YOU are in charge! Leveraging privileges such as X-Box won't cause irreversable harm to the Zip in any way, in fact, he'll be better off without them. You might be doing him a favor.
Good luck, and prepare yourself for the upcoming war!
You Bet Beware!
The really hard part is DH follow up and follow through-I have leverage now because DH gave me 1/2 of the "magic parent wand"-in front of Zippy16
I will have all kinds of adventures to report now!!!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I agree, Sarah
and was thinking the same exact thing.
My DH is famous for his BIG PRESENTATIONS to the kids. Charts, lists, hand-outs, etc.
Hell, one time, he even did a POWER POINT presentation for them (I S#*T you not!) They all looked at him like he was completely nuts!
Over the years, we've had all types of "plans" to address all sorts of issues with the kids: house rules, regular chores, taking care of the dog, being more appreciative, etc...
And here is how the scenario plays itself out each and every painful time...
Day one: The New "Plan" is carfully spelled out for the kids.
All kids nod, begrudgingly, in agreement, and the new "plan" goes up on the refrigerator.
Week one: All kids follow, to some degree, the new "plan". DH is BEAMING with pride. "THIS TIME," he says, "they're going to follow it- they GET IT!"
Week two: Some or most kids start to "fall off" the "plan" and need constant reminders or balk at the ensuing consequences for not following the "plan".
Week three: DH starts to forget about enforcing the consequences for the kids, who mostly have totally forgotten about this "plan". When I remind him about them, I am now "the bad guy" for nagging him!
Week four: I tear up the "plan" into 1000 pieces and toss it into the trash. After all, no one's following it, and no one's being "consequenced" for not following it! But once the plan is "missing" from the fridge...OOOOOHHHH!!!! 5teens is upset and NO ONE KNOWS WHY!!! IT's a complete MYSTERY!
Good luck, Endora, is all I can say.
Oh no, I can say one more thing...
I hate those friggin "plans"
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
PowerPoint?
That's the most hilarious thing I've heard all day! Thanks for the laugh, 5teens!
That's my week #3
Gee, Mustang- I guess I'm much luckier than you
Plus, I always like being the one who gets the brunt of the anger from DH because:
1) it wasn't ME who didn't do what I was supposed to do (I always get my stuff done - and more!); and
2)this wasn't my stupid "plan" to begin with- it was DHs. I knew from the get-go it wasn't going to work. I was just reminding him that the kids were not doing what they PROMISED him they would do...and I'm the "bad guy" for it! Nice, huh?
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
WITH NO OR LITTLE FOLLOW THRU
plans are worthless..
we tried it when Unib was living with us and the same exact scenario that 5T described above happened, so I took it and burned it in the fire pit. if S/O are not going to make their angels accountable why should they bother with rules??
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I plan
On making Zippy16's life a virtual gaming HELL }:)-now that I have been given parental permission (it may (will) get revoked if DH gets a load of my nanny 911 for teens)
I gave birth to the toughest ADHD freckle faced redhead man/ child on the planet-if there was a rule that kid could break he would break it 1000 different ways on 1000 different days (of course his terrible behavior was my X-husbands fault)-this kid was so tough-
From the gallery: How Tough Was He???
His own father, a 20 year veteran police officer had a restraint order place on our BS when X husband moved out-X was afraid the kid would kill him! (yeah and leaves me to finish raising him-NICE!!!)
I will eat Zippy up and spit him out if I have to (I'll be good, I promise)
Oh yeah for the record-
My bio Hell Boy graduated high school, went on to a successful career in computers AND is a great chef, calls his Mom AND his Bio Dad (who is still too scared to answer the phone) brings her gifts on appropriate days (Birthdays, Mothers Day, etc.) is polite and DH just loves him to death! (he hopes Zippy turns out like Charlie 1!)
Or maybe Zippy will give me a run for my money and I will have to admit defeat-stay tuned...
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Look out, ZIp
...cause here comes Endora! Seriously though, Zip sounds like he's as dumb as a stump. No comparison to your BS. He won't know what hit him when you're through!
Correct
Zippy is not the brightest of light bulbs when it comes to plain old common sense -
Zippy can barely chew gum and walk at the same time.
I have to be careful as Zippy is DH delicate flower-can't be too sarcastic or caustic in my approach-DH might burst into tears!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
SD16
very often does not take a shower the entire weekend she is with us. DH picks her up Friday at 6 pm and BM picks her up Sunday at 6 pm. That's two full days. Very often wears pretty much the same clothes the entire weekend. She smells so bad, if her bedroom door (upstairs) is open I can smell it from the bottom of the stairs. Gross!
icky smelly
My FH youngest 13 is a tad over weight and sweats ALOT, but from the time we pick him up on Friday pm till we take him back Sunday PM he has only not showered he has not even changed his clothes ewwww..
he smells awful and I wash everything he lays on or sits on cuz it stinks after he is gone..oh deoderant is a foreign word to him too(he is hitting puberty)
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
My skids are
8 & 11 & they shower daily. They are boys and not mamby pamby, but they like to be clean. This is really sad that at 16 he doesn't bathe daily.
We have to "remind" SD13 to
We have to "remind" SD13 to shower. H totally lost the makeup battle with her. The agreement was she shower, wash her hair and brush her teeth on a regular basis and she would be able to wear makeup.
We'll thanks to BM and her counselor he gave up. Apparently wearing makeup at 13 is a right not a privilege. He tried to stand his ground but it was 3 against 1 (two if you count me).
We still can't figure out why it's a chore to bath and brush teeth daily. But apparently we're not alone......several of the parents of her friends complain of the same thing. I don't get it.
Don't even get me started on her room.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Miss Piggy
Ah yes-the shower
Zippy16 was NEVER big on hygiene-he has acute acne and WILL NOT be compliant with Dr.'s meds and cleansers-best DH can do is force a shower every 2nd day-
Zippy16 also has a mustache-starting a beard-WILL NOT shave-
Zippy16 is what's know as passive aggressive-if DH wants it done-Zippy makes sure he says
Yep-Yep -uh huh uh huh
and proceeds to NOT DO IT-
I told DH (in front of Zippy) to tell the Dr-re the meds and cleansers non-compliance that perhaps office shots of cortisone (or whatever acne drug is injectible) would do the trick -Zippy almost passed out on the spot! (swear I heard the sink tap running upstairs after that...I could be wrong)
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
OH
YOU ARE GOOD!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I don't know
At least your BF had a REASON to be ga ga over Droopy as he did not see him much-
DH lives 24/7 with the Zipster and STILL cannot stop staring into the pools of Zippy's acne laden eyes :sick:
Hope DH grows out of this by the time he is 60....
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Those rules are great
And none of them are terribly onerous. Most are common courtesy, personal care. They seem an absolute minimum to me.
Tell DH this--you feel bad for insisting that Zippy acts like a clean, courteous, responsible and contributing member of the family, and by extension, society?
What a meanie. LOL.