Skids come to stay.
This past week, my DH & I went to visit some friends that was located near where the BM lives. We had been having issues with her (she lies incessantly about everything). DH was concerned because one of her lies involved the kids (saying she had a home invasion, etc)--thought it was her ex (whom she kept repeatedly telling DH she was going to marry)--and now she is staying somewhere else with the kids. So, DH calls her up to tell her we are in town and that he wants to talk to her after she drops the kids off at school.
Didn't happen.
She wanted to talk right NOW about it. She felt that we were ambushing her, thinking we were coming to take custody of the kids, etc. Said she wouldn't talk to him w/o her lawyer present. SS5 walked into the room while she was talking to DH and told him that he couldn't see his father this weekend & that he was in town. SS5 broke down in hysterics.
Met up with the witch & DH talked to her. She ended up letting us take the kids early bc it worked out to HER benefit (i.e. shopping & drinking with friends--her two most FAVORITE things). Broke down and told DH that ex had been stalking her and she had to put a restraining order on him. She has been living at this other place for over 3 weeks.
Kids are excited to come back with us & we have them for 5 days as opposed to 2 days. SS5 didn't want to leave. Told BM that his daddy's house was much better & that mommy's wasn't like his and he wanted to live with us. SD3 said she didn't want to go home and kept hugging my legs and following me around the house. Now, I know it is because they have a sense of "normalcy" when around us & the full dynamic is there. SS5 also told us he likes it at our house because it is "clean". *raises eyebrow*
SS5 repeated all through the week that mommy said I can't like you about 15 times. DH told him that he could like me as much as he wanted. I also repeated several times that I loved him. I had him participating in helping me with "chores" (little mundane things that make him feel important), we made cupcakes (which I showed him how to break the eggs & measure/mix/ice them) and we played lots of make believe. I even took the time to write out the alphabet and help him with spelling & SS5 & SD3 with their coloring...such an evil step-mother I am.
BM freaks out that kids don't want to live with her anymore (and they are SO young to draw this conclusion) and we couldn't talk to them the first night they came back (because they were freakin' out) and the next night after for a little. SS5 kept asking his daddy to pick him up from school because he didn't want to live at mommy's anymore.
So, step-parents, keep up with the love & affection ESPECIALLY when they are so young. Kids notice the difference and definitely take note.
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Comments
TxStep
What an interesting situation. BM must be pretty bad if kids that young are not attached to her. You know how kids are usually, BM is the like the sun to little ones.
I'm glad you and DH provide them with a loving home, that is "clean", hehe.
Does DH want to ask the court for more custody? It may be beneficial to speak with an attorney and think about getting a Guardian Ad Lidem for the kids. It's like a court appointed advocate for the child(ren). They check out both parents and spend time with the kids and really are only interested in the situation that would be best for the kids.
All the best to you and DH.
Thanks TTE =)
Believe me, if we could we would!
DH & I have been married under a year and the things that BM has put us & more importantly the kids through is outrageous. Financially, BM has more at her disposal (becauss of her parents) than DH & I could ever dream of right now---they would stop at nothing to keep the kids there around them no matter how good of a parent and/or situation it would be for the kids. BM financially drained DH of everything he had before and during their divorce, so right now we are trying to build up our savings again.
We don't have any kids of our own just yet, but I love those skids like they were my own---and I know that they know that.
Hopefully, sometime in the near future we can do just that (I was under the impression that during a divorce, in regards to children, it was required to get psychiatric evaluations for the children to find out what was best; guess I was wrong in this case because it didn't happen).
DH & I just document everything, record conversations with the kids, etc., so that we have substantial evidence of our own when it comes down to fighting this. DH has a co-worker who is a psychologist & she is going to look over our evidence to see if it would be viable in court and to also let us know what else we would need.
I hope that happens soon!
You sound like a wonderful stepmom! I love my SDs to pieces too- and they know it. Your DH is taking a great step in the right direction by having his co-worker who is a psychologist look at your evidence.
Those poor kids! Why do adults need to burden children like that? Why can't adults get help from licensed therapists instead?
Just continue to give your skids love, love, love (as the Beatles song goes) and be there for them. They need both of you now more than ever!
That's the most you can do
Keep track of everything. It's what I do too. I keep a datebook and record everything in it. The judges appreciate that as far as I've heard.
I totally get the not having the money for an attorney. If we did, we would have had BM in court so fast her head would spin.
Just keep your head up and do the best you can. The kids obviously love you very much, you are one of us lucky SM's : )
oOh yeah! We have a voice
oOh yeah! We have a voice recording device, a log we keep, and some video. We have all her lies, accusations, getting the kids upset, etc down. Just waiting for it all to be put to good use.
I do consider myself pretty lucky!
" Everything reactionary is the same; if you don't hit it, it won't fall."
That is so great!
I mean I am sorry they had to go through that experience, but I am happy that maybe you will get a real chance to make a real difference in their lives. I wish we could have gotten SD when we got married 8 years ago!! and things could have been a lot different, and better! for all of us. Give them a big hug tonight!!!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin