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I'm really struggling

Tprettysmile's picture

Submitted by Tprettysmile on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 11:51pm

This holiday weekend we had SD4 and as always it was awful and gut wrenching. I try to get it together but for the life of me, it seems that I just get worse, she gets worse and DH gets worse! I can't stand the 4 year old things, I can't stand the noise of constant cartoons and movies, her talking to herself and dolls ALL DAY LONG! (I'm not exaggerating). I can't stand that DH is such a softy and EVERYTHING he does with her is a negotiation and has to be explained to a T before it happens. I can't stand the talking back and the crying tantrums and DH always thinking something is wrong with her when he is looking right at her and she is crying for nothing!!!! or because he told her to do something that she doesn't want to do.

Then DH and I get into this big argument that last for a couple of days and drains the hell out of me...All the while she is home and fine but we are left here dealing with the B-S. He actually told me that we would have a dysfunctional family when we have our own kid if we don't change things. Because our Biokid would see me treating SD4 and SS15 differently. That is a bunch of B-S...I am not their mother so of course there is gonna be different treatment! I just feel like, if I am not taking anything from them or treating them bad what is the big deal! Their parents are there to take care of them! I want to experience raising kids when I have them...I need some help because I feel like I am going to go off the deep end and blow the hell up!

I can't believe that after a year of marriage I am still going through this...

Comments

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 7:44am

It sounds to me like the person you really have the problem w/is your dh. Its not really about sd4. If he wasnt a softy, and didnt fall for her tantrums and stood his ground w/her and set boundaries up for her.. you wouldnt have a problem w/her.

I think that perhaps you should go to counseling. I got my dh to go.. and I loved it!! He told dh how HE was the problem, and how he needs to behave as if the family wasnt blended.. he needed to discipline HIS children, and he needed to keep boundaries, and that children thrive on having rules and stuff.. how they test him, and if he falls for it.. it is actually bad for the kids.. that they feel scared.

He also told dh that I would not love his kids they way he does, and when I have my own children, I would love them differently... that its normal, and to think otherwise is not normal.

Trust me.. and if you can make the counselor a guy.. that is even better.. I didnt want dh to say that it was just a woman and that she was ganging up on him!!

Tprettysmile's picture

Submitted by Tprettysmile on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 2:09pm

I think you are absolutely right! We need counseling....I try to tell him that same exact thing but I think he need to hear it from someone else!

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 10:15am

dealing with the children of another woman sucks...especially if you haven't had your own yet. Don't let Sk ruin your view of motherhood though! And DON'T let Dh tell you that you'll feel the same about your own children...that's NOT true. Yes, they may annoy you and you'll want to rip your hair out at times but it's DIFFERENT than dealing with a child someone else has "control" over.

~I've been drinkin down your pain...gonna turn that whiskey into rain and wash you away...~

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 1:51pm

I second that.. dealing w/someone else's children and not having a say does SUCK!! omg!! And it is totally different once you have your own. My baby is only 6 weeks old, and I love him dearly and cant imagine a day w/o him. I also know that my child will listen to me and my rules, or else!! (now I sound like my parents!! lol) and that my dh will take my discipline of said child w/o a problem!!

I remember I liked my skids more when they were little, 4 - 6.. its when they got to 7 that they started becoming a problem... and things escalated. I wish they were little again.. they were sweet and nice back then.. now they barely speak to me or acknowledge me in my own house... and they are only 10.. its only going to get worse from here.

Tprettysmile's picture

Submitted by Tprettysmile on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 2:13pm

I keep telling Dh that if he doesn't deal with these issues now it will only get worse as she gets older...And my own kids will definitely have structure and follow my rules b/c I will be their MOMMA! At 4 years old she is still up at 11pm! It's just craziness!