Never ever think that.

I have gone through the same thing. When DH and I married, he made a decent amount of money. I hoped that once we had children I would be able to put my career on hold and stay home with them. Unfortunately, he lost is job when we'd only been married for 5 months and has gone through a series of jobs that pay significantly less (nearly half as much).

As a result of that, and our obligation to SD16, I have to work. I hate it. Not the work, but the fact that it's not an option for me. I have to pay other people to raise my kids so I can pay to raise SD16. How is that fair? Her BM stays at home (even though her kids are all in school), and BM mocks me for paying someone else to do what I should be doing (with my own kids). Makes me want to hit her with a brick. If she worked, our CS obligation wouldn't be as large and she wouldn't constantly be telling SD16 she has to "do without" because DH doesn't give her enough money. He gives her what he was court-ordered to pay, PLUS extra for SD16's activity fees, etc.

I agree, your husband needs to not penalize your own kid(s) to avoid upsetting SS. That's exactly what I'm doing, and I hate it every day. Unfortunately, it is impossible for my husband to "cut back" and so I will be working for my children's entire lives. I have resigned myself to that fact.

Does your SS's mother pay child support? If not, I suggest you guys try to get it to where she does.

And depending on what things you're meaning as far as expenses for SS, some things can be cut and some can't. For example, the extra $50-100 per week that you're probably dishing out in food just for him to eat it all in one day could definitely be reduced if your DH would just get a clue. Extras like video games, toys, movies, etc. can also be cut as well without affecting SS's well being.

You can't really help the fact that some expenses will be higher, like the grocery bill in general, gasoline, clothing expenses, etc. But your DH should not be able to just put his foot down and say "no absolutely not" without at least discussing your options first.

Maybe you could put together a proposal for your DH. Men are very visual creatures and love charts and graphs to explain things to them that they can't conceptualize on their own. If you could get together some numbers on the "extras" that have been spent on SS for the past several months, and propose budget cuts in certain areas, he might see that it wouldn't be too difficult to save your salary in miscellaneous expenses. Who knows, you might find other areas of your family budget that could use a little tightening in the process.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Show him some numbers and figures to prove that you can stay home and work a bit less without neglecting SS. One child's needs should not be placed before another's! Your new baby needs his mother. Do your best to show DH that you can do this.

I am the oldest in my family. My sister was born when I was about to turn 4. Up until then I had been spoiled rotten with new toys almost daily and new clothes on the weekends but when my sister was born all that went away. I had to learn how to get over it and love my new sister. I'm sure that SS can also get used to having a new brother. Think of this as an opportunity to teach SS about the value of family as opposed to money and possessions.

I was very upset when my DH said he wanted me to work full time after our 1st was born. He certainly didn't mind the BM staying home all day with hers but he had an issue with me doing it. In the end, we did work it out but there was some bitterness there on my part.

I think you are perfectly in the right to want to do what is best for your child. And if that is staying home, so be it. But, just so you know, working outside the home can give that getaway that you need from being a Mom. Being a mom 24/7 can be overwhelming, especially if you have no way of getting time to do your own thing.

Keep talking to DH. Keep in mind, your baby may not be real to him yet in the same way it is for you. But you two must have quite a bit in common or you wouldn't be married. I am sure you and he will come to a resolution for you both.