12 Year Old Step-Witch

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O.K. I feel wierd saying this but I despise my s/d. She is 12, will be 13 this month, and THE most spoiled, disrespectful, horrible little witch! The b/m is trash and her kid acts just like her! My husband was married to b/m 10 years ago and divorced due to her cheating on him while he was in Kuwait (airforce). The b/m ended up leaving my s/d with her father and did not see her for over a year. She came back into their lives, took him to court and they worked out an arrangement giving b/m full custody and b/f visitation. In 2005 b/f picked up s/d from b/m for summer vacation and was informed by b/m that s/d needed to live with b/f as she was in financial trouble (b/f pays a hefty amount in child support). So s/d lived with b/f for one year before deciding that she wanted to and live back with b/m and b/m's boyfriend, b/m was pregnant.
My husband and I started dating and b/d would come visit on occasion or when she felt like it and would expect "daddy" to buy her VERY expensive things and take her to expensive restaurants to eat. When she doesn't get her way then she throws a fit! She even kicked doors and threw a complete temper tantrum in my old apartment because she wanted to go out with us on New Year's Eve! By husband was going to let her until she got mad at him earlier in the day and hit him.
Since then my husband has taken a job closer to where she lives and it has been nothing but a nightmare. It started with her mother starting a court battle because my husband wanted his daughter to visit. The court battle turned horrible and the daughter apparently told b/m that I threw our pet bird agaist the wall and she saw bird brains, I hit my husband and verbally and physically attacked her! She denies that she said these things but b/m didn't even know that we had a bird! The court found these things to be untrue..Thank God! She sent b/f an e-mail saying that she doesn't like me and it's my fault that he bought her "cheap clothes from Marshall's" and she is terribly upset that he would do such a thing. She HAD to come over this summer for a month, 1 week after I had a baby, and it was all I could take. I was forced to babysit her during the day and all she did was make messes, talk to her b/m and b/grandma on her cell phone (it was obvious that they were making fun of me and my son), text message little boys and complain to her dad when he came home that she was bored and I just stayed in my room all day. I told my husband that I could tell that she had been in our room snooping so he put string around our door handles when we went for a walk to see if she would go in our room, she did. I was going through my own custody battle with my 8 y.o. son'w b/f so we were extremely tight on money, we couldn't even pay all of our bills, but she would go to the store with my husband stating that she needed tampons and would come back with new and more expensive shampoo, razors and soap. I couldn't even buy that stuff for myself. I had to leave town to attend court and while I was gone she was told to stay off the computer in my room (it had private doc's on it regarding my court case)but she used it anyways. I found a receipt from Old Navy, my husband had bought her some new things. She was mad that she had to stay home so she would call my husband at work anywhere from 10-20 times a day. One day she said that there was someone scary at the door and that he needed to come home and check and another day she called him and told him that the police had called the house looking for me which was a lie. I called the police dept. and checked. I told my husband to not allow her in my closet but he had her help him rearrange and clean my closet a suprise for me. She took a shirt out of my closet and had it on the next time I saw her. He claimed that he didn't notice and was sure it was unintentional. She continuously leaves tampons and maxi pads on the bathroom counter that she shares with my 8 year old son and left a trash can full of used one's for me to clean up when she left. She hangs her bra's on the door knobs in the bathroom and prances around in a towel after she takes a shower. She also walks around in a t-shirt and her underwear. She is extremely developed for her age and boy crazy. She hangs all over b/f and it grosses me out. I found when I went to give my newborn a bath that she had not only used my bathtub but shaved her pubic hairs in it while I was gone. She would ask my husband to bring her lunch home on his lunch break everyday and he would because he said he felt bad that she had to stay home alone. I also found that while I was watching her she would sneak away and call or text my husband to tell him that either my son was annoying, I was in a bad mood or to ask him when he would be home. My mother came to visit and offered to watch the kids while my husband and I went to get ice-cream. When s/d asked where b/f was going he told her that he was taking me on a date and she replied "you don't have money for that!" I can't stand her!!! Am I abnormal?

No not abnormal at all.....

I know your pain my sd is only 10 but Fancies herself the little Princess. It sounds like Deja Vu when I read your blog. I have the same feelings of animosity and resentment towards my sd that lives with my wife and I. We are expecting a baby in Jan. and I dread how she is going to act towards the newborn. I also sympathize with the room snooping. Same thing here. Wish I had better advice. I know all to well if your spouse the bio parent dont back you up nothing changes. Mine dont and wont. That leaves me feeling like you. Cant stand my sd. Hang in there.

Well.....

Almost 13? My oldest daughter was a troll when she was 12 & 13!! I couldn't stand her and it is my own child!!! It was as close to hell as I want to get!! The bad thing was her dad let her do it, talk disrespectfully to me get her way all the time. She would threaten me with stuff all the time.... The breaking point came when she told me if i didn't quit smoking or didn't do something for her ( can't remember what it even was anymore) she would go live with her dad! She constantly harrassed me and was playing both sides and lying to her dad about things so I sent her to go live with him for a bit. I was going through a very painful break up at this point and my grandmother was dying it was a very bad time and boy she jumped on it. Kids smell fear and they will attack you! She stayed with her dad for almost 2 years, then she got in trouble she couldn't get out of, the whole time she lived with him she continued to act up. Just disrespectful and selfish to everyone!!! Her stepmother called me one day and ( jokingly) said I think i'll divorce him for 6 years till your girls grow up and then get married again. Her kids are grown and have kids of their own. But she was great to help me get through it . She said she couldn't stand her own daughter when she was that age it will get better..... and she was and is ( always) right. I can't say enough good about my big kids' stepmom, she has the best, candid advice, and she is very understanding. At least to my face. So hang in there and don't guilt yourself to much if there are times we can't stand our own kids surely there are days we really don't like someone else's.

Thank you for the support! Here are some examples of Step-Witch

This is an e-mail that step-witch sent my husband after I attended my sister-in-law's baby shower. Oh yeah, I have never been involved in b/m and my husband's fights other than when b/m has said nasty things about me. I defended myself.

Daddy,

I really had a fealing that you were going to come alone .... for kristens baby shower!
but i was wrong
i finally get to see you and u just have to bring her.
I know your saying "now i have a wife"
WHEN HAVE YOU NEVER SAID THAT!
you've always had a women in yr life "wife" since i was little

the truth is i dont like her all that much

i been scared to tell you that
but it's true!

she is a nice person at times
but she seems fake when im around
but i really dont know her that well eather

i am appreciative for the clothes
but u left cheap price tags on them and u have NEVER I REPEAT NEVER done that or bought me clothes from marshalls
you have allways bought me really nice clothes and called me lots
until you met her
is it because of her that you dont do these things anymore?

the truth comes out
why have these things changed

dont take this letter in the wrong way daddy
i just had to get this out and ask u this
i love you and miss u alot!!
i am not happy that you and mom are fighting but "things happen"!
dont let HER get involved in this
yr's and moms fighting is between u 2 and no one else!!

i love you to the moon

OMG!!!!

That is horrendous!!!! And that kid is bein coached!!! You've never bought me cheap clothes before? Sounds like a bm poisoning a child!!! I had this issue w my sd a couple weeks ago, she said she didn't have anything to wear, well she had a whole dresser & closet full but she refused to get dressed. We just started having this problem about the clothes recently, isn't it ironic after the bm com;lained that she didn't like what sd was wearing. She wears the same thing back home all the time... Well her mom won't let her wear any of the clothes from our house to school, so sd just wears sweats or whatever and leaves her good clothes here. But now suddenly she doesn't like her clothes. Almost everything in that email at somepoint i have heard come out of the bm's mouth!! I'm sure your sd is the same she has heard her mom saying these things and is turning them into her own words!!! And oooooh the guilt trip she is laying on her dad!! I hope you guys are going to counseling!!!

sorry, but she is really

sorry, but she is really just horrible. I think you should tell him that if he doesn't tell her right now to stop this manipulative stuff and really punish her for writing him an email like that, you'll consider leaving him.

The sad thing is that

The sad thing is that Marshalls doesn't sell cheap clothes, they sell designer clothing at low prices. Sad that the girl thinks that the number is what is important (not that having designer clothing is important either)

Here's some info from the Marshalls website, perhaps you should email this to the girl:

"Marshalls isn’t a discount store – it’s an off-price retailer. Our buyers are in the market every week searching out special opportunities to bring you brand name merchandise at great prices. When designers make too many of a fabulous find, for example, our buyers are able to get them at incredible savings. Then, we pass that value along to our customers. That means you’ll see the same incredible brand names and styles that are in department and specialty stores, but we’ll have them for much less. It’s the same high quality merchandise at a lower price, or as we call it, “off-price.”"

Aren't we a spoiled Princess.

Marshall's carries really nice designer clothing.Heck I bought a pair of Ralph Lauren wool slacks that were normally $100 for $80, not exactly cheap. A few years ago I bought a shirt in there, I saw the same exact shirt in a department store the next week for twice the price.

DH should send her an email back, and say unless you plan on leaving the price tags attached to the clothes, I don't see how anyone but you and I are going to know the DESIGNER clothes I bought you cost less than they would have at a dept. store. If you don't want the clothes, I am sure Goodwill would be happy to take them. I would also suggest he simply reinforce that he loves her, and wants her to be a part of your lives together.

It seems like she is trying to come between you guys. Don't take it personally that she is claiming to not like you, chances are if it was anyone else she wouldn't like them either.

** Wanted to add,not to nitpick or anything, but maybe she should be more focused on her education instead of designer duds, her email looks like it was written by a 5 year old. How are her grades, if you don't mind me asking.

**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**

That email

That email would make a really nice piece of refrigerator art!

(Don't mind my sarcasm...I am feeling especially devilish this morning!)

Someone needs to ...

TALK TO THE MOM & DAUGHTER!!! I keep telling my dh that. If the bm is gonna lie and manipulate the kid , then turn around and deny it, make her accountable in front of both of you!!! Ask her questions in front of the kid ( appropriate questions ) Like, why is the price of the clothing important? Break it down to how long you have to work to pay for this or that. Don't you want to teach your child the importance of money and how to handle it? If you don't I don't care how much money you have , are you teaching your children good life lessons? That is one of my biggest pet pieves even if i was rich my kids would learn the value of money and how to work!!!

You all say the same things I do!!!

All of you are exactly right!!! First of all, the clothes were all name brand, not that it matters and I spent a little over $200.00 on them. Thank you for the info. from the Marshall's website, I'm definately using that! I like the point about the price tags too, I never thought of that one! Refrigerator art is a GREAT idea! What's funny is everytime she e-mails my husband I ask him how in the hell she gets all A's. She has an A in Lit./Comp. It was beyond me until I saw how one of the teacher's replied to my an e-mail that my husband had sent him. Here is a copy:

... Was waiting to this week end to talk to you at the
volleyball games. Was told you would be their. I'm the volleyball coach
and
8th physical education teacher. So what is it you need to know?
........vb coach

I'm pretty sure this guy should be taught not teaching. Isn't that ridiculous? I forwarded it to my mom who is an administrator at a school district and she said that it sounded like a kid had gotten into his e-mail. Her b/m does influence her but I still feel that regardless of what b/m says to her she knows the difference between right and wrong. Her b/m left a message on my husband's phone also ranting and raving. The best part is b/m is a complete slob and in no way, shape or form does she dress nice. Here is a copy of the e-mail I sent b/m. I was mad : ) I took their names out so I won't get in trouble : )

I listened to the message that you left R today and I find it very disturbing. First of all, I bought A those clothes at Marshall's, not Kohl's as R had previously stated, and I shop there frequently. I buy many of my son's clothes, my clothes and R's clothes at Marshall's and other stores that are similar. Are Roxy and Tommy Hillfiger not name brand? If they are not up to par with what is in your class then please feel welcome to send them back. I will gladly return them however I would hope that you will allow A to see them for herself before doing so.

Do you really feel that teaching your daughter to place such high regard on the monetary value of items such as clothes will build her self esteem? What sorts of clothes did you wear in 6th and 7th grade? I wasn't allowed to wear "name brand" clothes and my parents could certainly afford them. I would think that you wouldn't encourage your child to assume petty behavior. You also stated that R is only hurting A; have you ever thought that maybe you're hurting A? Is not taking A to the airport really doing R a favor? I would think that it would be hurting A more than anything by not allowing her to see her father. Alienating family and forcably indoctrinating her is completely unacceptable behavior. Regardless of your feelings towards R, by allowing A to witness you making degrading statements about him is wrong. I'm sure she has enough chaos just being a child without adding this to it.

In past messages and conversations that you have had with R, you have referred to A as a third party as a deciding and influencial factor in decision making circumstances. You have often taken on the role as her delegate by making statements such as "A is disappointed in you" and "A doesn't want to". A is a child and should be disincluded in some discussions and decision making processes. Is it entirely impossible to stop using A as a pawn and come to a reasonable and consistent visitation schedule?

To the best of my knowledge you have not always acted responsible. R is not acting irresponsible, we are having financial difficulties. Taking in to account the messages that you have left you are obviously doing quite well financially so I assume that A receives plenty of clothes from Barney's and Sak's or any other stores that you prefer therefore please explain to her that we aren't as fortunate at this time and to please be thankful for what she has received.

She misses her dad because she chooses not to come over...
Mom's and dad's fighting is between them, YEP, and it's none of her concern... no need for her attempted editorial...