your DH is probably feeling somewhat responsible for SD behavior. Not that it makes sense but sometimes they blame themselves ..saying I should have done more of this or that..
I am sure he loves his daughter and would like to see her change for the better, no harm in that, but you should stand your ground and let him know how it effects you.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

It is so sad that it seems like we all are going thru the same stuff. I really wish I had the answers. I have said this many many times before, and if you haven't read it get ready to giggle:

Life is a bitch then we marry a man with one !!!!

My advise, being a nurse, is take care of yourself, get alot of rest and do not over do it !!! These issues belong to SD, you don't own them, they are not yours to fix. These issues belong to your hubby, they do not belong to you, you cannot fix them. Your pregnancy belongs to you, these are your issues, you can fix this. Now, take a deep breathe IN & OUT. NOT FAST !! Go lie down and tell hubby to watch the others and rest. Stop worrying about the things that our out of your control.

Easier said than done, I know. What matter now ! YOU ! Praying for ya.

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

To further that you are not alone on this problem... My dh often says things like.. I wish we could move far away.. I say.. well.. what about SD9 & SS9?? you would miss them too much.. He says.. no.. I think that I could do it.. the NEXT day.. I want to call the skids.. I miss them!!!! WTF! they say women have mood swings.. Ours are nothing like a guilty dad's mood swings..

DH also said after we were watching a movie about a family that went into the witness protection program.. That would be cool.. I would love to be just given a new life.. you and I.. and be moved somewhere different and have new identities.. I said.. I dont think you would... you wouldn't get to talk to SD9 & SS9 EVER again, nor our parents.. ect.. He said.. No.. I think I really would like it! Again.. the next day he is all sad about not hearing from the skids, and calls them.. Because he MISSES them.

They are full of it..

My favorite is the arguement we had the other night about scheduling the skids weekends.. I normally let him know which weekends to ask for, since I make all of our plans.. And he got mad the other night and said.. Why cant I pick the weekends that I pick up MY kids??? I told him to go ahead.. but if he doesnt consult me on OUR social calander, then dont expect my life to stop when HIS kids are there. (as a side note.. my dh thinks that I should love his kids unconditionally and that I should be focused on the family when his kids are around.. I can tell you the number of times that I have not been present when the skids are there.. and 2 of them are for work and therefore were considered necessary...)

You are sooo not alone. I am going to try and IGNORE my dh's comments about getting away from and free of the skids.. as I know that like the weather in MA.. wait 5 mins and it will most likely change.

I have learned from being a stepmom,it's that no matter what my DH does for them it is never enough. He is an excellent father, but he feels so guilty,still over the divorce (even though BM cheated on him and ruined the marriage)that even know ten years later the guilt still has a hold on him. Of course the SD's have exploited that over the years to no end. It took me (an outsider) to explain to him what I see happening-the manipulation, the lack of regard for his feelings, and the sense of entitlement the SD's feel towards their parents. It's like the SD's think "you ruined my life so I should get whatever I want". I started pointing things out to him early on, he is much more aware of the behavior now. When my Sd was 8 years old-she is 14 now-she told me she loved our dog more than me. I got pissed (of course) and sent her to her room-he was pissed too. She sat upstairs and cried and screamed her head off saying Daddy why don't you love me for like an hour. I told him I was going to lose it again, so he goes up there, tells her to get in bed, she is not having dinner, and shuts the door. He then went into the bathroom and sobbed for about an hour. That is when he began to realize what a hold the guilt had on him. It is amazing the guilt some parents feel over the divorce or guilt over remarrying and how profound and affect it can have on the relationship with their children and spouse. Just last night hi Sd 14 called and left a message at our house he played for me. She talks in a baby voice the entire message,she wanted to stay at a friends house instead of coming to our house. He called her back and asked her why she was talking like a baby-it pissed him off and he told her no to staying at the friends house. She got upset of course, she normally doesn't talk like that at all. He told me she talks like that so he will think it's cute and give her what she wants......

I wonder if my FH bs is doing that. ruining his life cuz he knows it will upset his dad, even though it was his bm that filed I think BS blames them both.
he is hurting cuz of the divorce that he wants to hurt his folks.
interesting.
thanks stressedout!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

Sai Deschain,I don't even think my SD's realize that they are doing it half the time-just like he didn't realize he was enabling the behavior. It had just always been that way until I came into the picture and was like whoa what's going on , but sometimes it is intentionally hurtful and manipulative behavior as well-like the baby voice message or Daddy don't you love me?

At least SD remembered your birthday!

Good/bad - it is something for them. If they get more attention from doing bad things, then that what they are going to do. It really is sad - huh. Try some positive reinforcement. My sd would say and emphasized "MY" dad, kinda like ownership - that he belongs to her more or something, I would just giggle alitte - stupid immature brat! and she's 18. LOLOL

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!

With a H that doesn't buy into guilt as a motivation in life. But I agree that most men do. Reading your post made me feel so wary of SD in a few years. I foresee her trying like hell to get custody switched, especially when it comes to driving time. BM will likely let her go wherever, whenever she wants and what 16 year old wouldn't want that.

We have 3 years til then. I hope all the reading and visits to the child psychologist help me prepare for that moment. I think by then DH will be ready to say fine take her too.

He is a good dad, very strict but that's important these days. He knows he's doing all he can and he has let go of attachment to outcome of how SD turns out. He also has a sister who bleeds their parents dry financially, emotionally etc. She's 40 and still trying to create drama to make her feel important. So DH has refused to let our future be controlled by the kids.

I'm so sorry to hear what you guys are going through. It seems we all have so many crosses to bear.

Peace, love, and red wine

has really made some changes. I think having someone in the home that is not "related" to the SK's can bring a fresh perspective. He agrees that being strict and not giving in to the guilt is better for them in the long run. His biggest concern is when they get older they will believe that the way to get want what they want is by manipulating others.