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50/50 Parenting Time Arrangements

feels_like_karma's picture

My SO is in the process of filing for parenting time modification for his 8 year old son. I'm not going to get into all the specifics because it's not really relevant, but his current arrangement is every-other-weekend, Father's Day, and from the evening of Dec. 23rd to the afternoon of Dec. 24th for Christmas. That's all he gets. The holidays are a big reason he's trying to change it, because the child's mom is not cooperative in any way and will not budge on the current arrangement. They have that arrangement mainly because when they split, he wasn't in the best position financially and had to live with his parents, so he took that arrangement because it's what she requested and he just thought it would be best at the time. He was under the impression that it would be reviewed again at a later date, but it never was.

He's in a much better position now and wants to have more time with his son. He wants the time split 50/50, but we're having a hard time figuring out the best arrangement to ask for. I'd like to get some input from people who have a 50/50 split to see what you did. What we've found a lot of online is a 50/50 split is generally an every-other-week kind of thing, but neither one of us thinks that would be a good living situation for the kid. I had divorced parents growing up, and I would've hated to go back and forth every other week like that, but maybe that's just me. It's also not the most ideal situation since we live about 25-30 minutes from where he goes to school, so he wouldn't be able to take the bus. We definitely could make it work if that's what it ends up being, but I'm hoping to get some input on what other possible arrangements there could be that have been successful for other people. Or if anyone has done the 50/50 with rotating weeks, how did it work out for you?

LAMomma's picture

If you don't think 50/50 could work then maybe try for something like every other weekend Fri-Tues, half holidays and every other week during summer months. The every other week during summer will give you a glimpse of what you're up for along with the Mon-Tues weekdays.

feels_like_karma's picture

It's not really that I don't think it would work, just that I don't think it's good for the kid. Like it offers no stability to him. But I guess no matter what, there'll be back and forth so maybe it wouldn't matter. I feel like flopping him around in the middle of the week (by doing Fri-Tues) would be worse though?

LAMomma's picture

Our judge suggested Fri-Tues because most tests are done Thurs and Fri so he said Fri-Tues to avoid any schooling issues. It works well for us and the kids are used to it.

feels_like_karma's picture

I guess that makes sense. What do you mean by half holidays? We were thinking of a rotating schedule, so like odd years he gets Christmas and even years she gets Christmas, etc.

LAMomma's picture

Our holiday schedule splits the break in half and then alternate the actual holiday. It alternates every year like last year we had Christmas so this year the other parent gets it.

feels_like_karma's picture

He's 8 years old. We don't live super close - it's about a 25-30 minute drive going the opposite direction of work. So we could make the drive work, it's just not ideal.

Decemberbliss's picture

We do 50/50, we pick up on Monday after school and have her until her mom picks her up the following Monday after school. If there is a negative relationship between the parties it works very well to do the school switch off as well. Honestly, I think there is far less disruption to the child when you are only switching off once a week, but for a really young child it might be hard to be away from their mom for that long? Obviously depends on the child and might not be the issue in your case. Good luck!!!

feels_like_karma's picture

He's 8, so I don't think being away from mom for a week would be an issue. He has done it a couple of times in the summer after my SO had to practically beg for the time, and there weren't any issues with him getting homesick.

Decemberbliss's picture

Oh good! That's the way it was when we got 50/50 and there were really no problems or adjustment issues with switching 1 time a week. It might work out for you guys too if you are worried about the bouncing around etc. honestly if we could do 2 weeks on 2 weeks off I would do it. We have a few times before and it's even better. I don't know anyone that does that though. Most people I know split every week in various ways.

Maxwell09's picture

If BM and your SO live in the same school district then I don't see why he wouldn't get 50/50. If I were his lawyer, I would advise going for 50/50 and if not then Friday (after school lets out) until Monday (before school lets in) every weekend but the second weekend of the month so BM can have atleast one weekend. I know of a couple that does 2-2-3 so it's as 50/50 as its going to get with both parents equally involved in the week with rotating weekends. Its "fair" for the parents but is complicated for the child.

Edited to add: you might want your SO to include splitting the Federal holidays with BM (Labor Day, Election Day, Memorial Day etc) those days could add onto his weekends.

feels_like_karma's picture

We don't live in the same school district as the BM. But it's close enough that we could get him there the days we had him.