There are a lot of ways things can go with this.  He may be interested in allowing you to stay there if he has passed.. or he may be inclined to want his kids to inherit.. right then and there.. and it be up to them whether the home is sold or not.

But. that doesn't mean that he may not be prepared to also leave you with the means to carry on.. perhaps carry a life insurance policy.. 

I think monetizing the marriage.. or your feelings of being "entitled" to his home if he passes would be similar to his kids who likely also have an expectation that THEY are entitled to this home bought prior to your relationship.. and for the most part he has paid the upkeep etc.. (you have paid some "rent".. but were not part of the payments prior to you knowing him.. or the downpayment.. you just don't have equal footing there).  And.. you can certainly still live in it as your home... why on earth not? but you would not want to pay towards updates.. repairs etc.. he owns the home.. he is responsible for those things.. and you just pay a "rent".. that is likely less than you would pay for a one bedroom for yourself in an apartment.. or whatever your other choice would be if you didn't live with him.

Maybe you could ask him about a stipulation giving you a year to stay there.. so you could prepare to find a place of your own.. with the age difference.. it's quite likely you will meet someone new at some point.. so this home may not be the issue really... other than you don't want to let go of the fact that you might want the value of it yourself someday?

If your idea is that once you marry.. everything becomes joint.l only really works if YOU have a similarly valued asset or investments that he would get.. otherwise.. I see it reasonable for him to decide to do with the house what he wants.

of course though.. talk to him.. he may have not thought about your idea at all.

This is one of THE most important things to have on the table prior to the wedding (besides rules for things like monogamy etc...)

There are lots and lots of opinions here on Steptalk: These are from the Adult Forum (no not that kind of adult lol)

https://www.steptalk.org/forum/parenting/adult-stepchildren/sd-after-her...

https://www.steptalk.org/forum/parenting/disengaging/disengaged-and-star...

https://www.steptalk.org/blog/floridagirlal/inheritance-step-families-48254

search bar up top "inheritance"

In my opinion, once married, they are marital assets, unless stipulated. You go, he gets everything. He goes, you get everything.

I also do no have children of my own, but really, these "children" do not automatically get dibs on their fathers stuff simply because they share DNA.

And absolutely have this covered in detail in wills. Do it NOW. And dont wait. Domestic partners are less protected. Youll need to cover things like Power of Attorney (who and when the plug gets pulled etc...).

Read around on the Blogs and do the searches and youll read the stories of how steppers get stepped on when their life partner dies and the skid-vultures come a'circling.

I myself have zero intention of leaving a dime to skids. Im still trying to choose a charity...

DH and I did not co-habitate so I cannot give any advice from that perspective. We dated 18 months, then married. We have iron clad wills done by my attorney who went through his own divorce. I don't see anything wrong in you asking for some security in your future, should he die before you.  As your wife, he should have concerns of where you will live, finances, etc. You could ask for Usafruct over the home - gives you the right to live there until you die  but you will be responsible for all repairs and upkeep even though it will belong to his kids (they are suppose to split but as my attorney said, that RARELY happens). I see nothing wrong in asking for a portion of a life insurance policy or him getting one strictly for you. 

Other things to take note of:, Burial policies,  POAs, Medical POA's, Living Wills, etc. We have executors appointed for both myself and DH, my daughter is Medical POA for both of us (she's in medicine) and we both have fully paid burial policies with clear directions on what we want for services. 

I would suggest visiting with an attorney who specializes in Estate planning, making sure he/she is well versed in the marriage after divorce world. They are good at explaining things. In our case, DHs home (rental property income for us) was switched from Usafruct to "willed to me" due to his kids' behaviors and what they could do within that Usafruct (in my state). Attorney said this would make my life a lot easier this way and I'll will the home to them when I die. 

While no one wants to talk about death, we will all face that moment so why not be prepared and then put it to rest? I cannot imagine having to be uprooted from my home in the very beginnings of grieving my life partner's death; or having to deal with greedy adult kids. While I would never short change anyone what is their due, I sure as hell don't want to be short changed either. Best to you. 

My Dad remarried and he and my SM live in HER home in FL. Her children will inherit that home, but there is a stipulation in the will. If she predeceases him, he can live there for the remainder of his life. Until then - or if he decides to move out - the home cannot be sold and he cannot be "kicked out".

Marriage may not be the best choice for YOU financially. 

If your DH winds up needing long-term care (since he is older) that can chew through his (and you as his wife) assets pretty quickly. Depending on the State you live in, those assets can be vulnerable to attachment if there are outstanding bills once he passes.  It's easy now to say you might take care of him at home but that may not be realistic depending on what may happen to him. 

Do some research yourself and see what you may be liable for as his spouse to include debt for long-term care. Because his house is still mortgaged, that adds another complication. His debts may very well be your debts.

I am not married to my SO (after almost 20 years) and never will be. We both have wills, POAs, etc. drawn up by attorneys. Even if you two aren't married, you can easily get things spelled out legally.  

The reason I will not marry my SO is because I have kept my own finances and property and if need be, I can pack up and move there in a minute. I refuse to be married to anyone with kids.  There is zero guarantee that some skid/gskid won't show up at some point and play on heartstrings, drain bank accounts, attach property, get wills changed, and put both spouses at risk especially as they get older.  

Would he consider moving and buying something that you own together? We each had our homes. He sold his and moved in with me for a couple of years until my youngest launched and then I sold mine and we bought together. This one is left to the surviving spouse.

(At first he moved into my house. Before I sold and we moved to the joint house, the prenup gave him the right to live in the house (dower rights in my state) but he could not move anyone in with him. He could have overnight guests, but no one could live there with him.)

Definitely consider a prenuptial. It gets all the money issues, the ones people want to tiptoe around, out in the open and let's you come to joint decisions. It's hard work, but well worth it. I recommend that when you do this, that each of you has your own lawyer. You want to be sure that your lawyer has your interests at heart. And using two lawyers makes it almost impossible for the kids to overturn. 

Our prenup is basically what was mine before marriage is mine after. What was his before marriage is his after. What we title jointly goes to the surviving spouse. After marriage we made wills that reflect the prenup. 

The pre marriage conversations will be hard, but they are necessary. You want this settled before marriage or it will fester and cause problems later.

From day one, though at that time and for the first 3 years of our 28+ year marriage I was the sole income and DW was a SAHM, all income was and has always been marital income.  

We married 8mos after meeting.  Our wedding, we eloped, was a week before SS-30 turned 2yo.

Our wedding was 5mos after I graduated with my BS in Engineering.

Since then, collectively we have finished a dual major BS (DW), an MBA each, a professional certification each, and built two reasonably successful careers.  All income has remained marital income. The only separate accounts we have are 401Ks or IRAs.  All other accounts are joint.

Due to the age of my SS when we met (15mos) and due to our marriage starting with nothing but two 8yo cars, two apartments full of college furniture, and my newly printed BS blending finances and building a life together has been far less dramatic and traumatic than many in blended family situations.

We agreed early in our marriage that as equity life partners we were also equity parents to any children in our marriage regardless of kid biology. As it turned out, SS is an only child in our marriage/family and from even before our wedding we were and have been the 3 Musketeers.

Regarding inherritance, Wills, etc... We have a joint WIll. We are each other's sole heir and beneficiary if one of us pre-deceaces the other. In the event of our co-demise, our estate goes into trust for SS until he either completes a Bachelor's degree from an accredited university or turns 40yo. Whichever is first.  My dad and my brother are co-executors of the trust. The terms of the trust include it funding SS's college education and reasonable support costs.

We keep it pretty simple. We have our life together, our joint resources, have raised out son, and are living our adventure.

That has included keeping the SpermClan pummelled into submission when they neglected our son while he was on SpermLand visitation. When they tried to manipulate and PAS our son.  when they deviated from the stipulations of the CO, or when they crawled out from under their slime covered rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool.

One of our primary topics of discussion with our attorney when we were having our Will done was protecting our estate from the SpermClan and preventing them benefitig from even one penny of the resources we earned.

As it has turned out, SS aged out from under the CO at 18, the SpermClan immediately went silent with him as soon as their CS obligation expired.  Until....... he enlisted in the USAF.  As soon as he enlisted the permGrandHag started the full court guilt press to get him to agree to repay the CS that the SpermClan had paid to my DW and help support his three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by three other baby mamas.

We had raised SS with the facts regarding his Spermidiot's arrest record, cheating, etc, etc, etc... As they manipulated and lied to him, we introduced him to the facts in an age appropriate manner.  By the time he aged out from under the CO he was able to protect himself from their lies and manipulations.

He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.

As it has turned out, rthe SpermClan became irrelevant to my bride and I, and to our son.

He is a truly good person, a viable adult, successful in his career, and had put the shallow and polluted half of his gene pool far in his past.  Our combined income is still marital income. Eventually, it will be our son's. Hopefully in a at least a few decades. Not that he will need it. He will have his own notable estate to retire on.

That is our story.

Just because this will be and is your home currently.. doesn't mean it has to be your home for the rest of your life.  People move.. all the time.  What is more important is that you have a common viewpoint as to how you want to distribute your estates in general.  You don't have kids.. he does.  He is 18.5 years further down the road with amassing his "wealth" and he has a valuable asset in that home that he brings to the table.  What do you bring to the table that "matches" that.  It seems all fine and good to say.. well all I have will go to him.. but if you have relatively little.. it's not the same thing to tell him that he has to leave the home to you when he has likely much more invested in the home.. financially especially.. than you do.

Are you not capable of financially providing a home for yourself? 

I mean.. I can see him thinking that the home.. which is likely his most valuable asset.. that he has rolled decades of his effort into.. that he wants to give it to his kids.. wants to leave them a legacy.  You have been together.. about 5 years?.. you have paid some rent.. but he has still been the one substantially supporting the house as his financial asset. 

I can see some ability to allow you to remain there for some period of time to get your feet under you... and maybe he could even make it dependent on the longevity of your marriage.

If you are married 5 years or less?  you get up to a year (paying rent to his kids).. to remain in the home.

You are married 5-10 years.. maybe you get a couple of years.

You are married over 10 years.. you get a couple years.. and the option to buy out his kids interest in the home?

You are married 20 years.. you get "lifetime" use rights to the home until you pass or go into nursing home.. or voluntarily move for other reasons.

I would be careful with him here.. it has a whiff of him not being totally interested in financially joining you in joint finances.. and he seems to assume his kids will get the house.. and he isn't thinking that you would stay there.. so if he is not all in on mariage.. this might push him away further from it.

But.. if you both have a disparity in net worth.. a prenup is probably the best idea.. at least you both know where things will stand. (and you can have as I said above.. length of marriage stipulations.. which could make you more comfortable for the long haul).

I just don't see that children should automatically inherit a home either.....

In NZ and the UK, a person can make a will and leave his/her estate to anyone they choose to.

A child may contest it but success is unlikely. If on the other hand a person dies intestate, their estate will be shared out in order of priority: spouse first, then children....

https://riaabarkergillette.com/uk/your-childrens-inheritance-rights/http...

Get rid of the notion that you HAVE to leave everything to your children. You don't have to if you don't want to.

In my case I definitely am because they are lovely people and could not be more deserving. But some of the stories on this site about toxic children make me ill, and wonder why people would leave their estate to them just because they are "my kids"?

We did equal monies into accounts for almost 25 Years. We did new wills a year ago and DH died 6 mos later. (We carried zero debt.) My SD said all of her fathers $ from her DOB to our marriage and 50%  during marriage was hers. . Our lawyer flatly told her no, it's not in the will. My daughter pointed out if that was the case, 50% of marriage and all after his death was hers. Nope, we had identical wills. I needed my DH off my will as executor and needed a trust for minor grandkids.  The rest stays the same. SD is not happy as SD dislikes idea she has no kids and BD does...My BD is a bit upset, but as her children have a trust? She will make out better. You can't please anyone. 
 

if we had no wills, I would get all that are POD or beneficiary to me and houses ( joint ownership) and  first $50 k and the rest gets split with his BD / my SD. Then down the road? My BD gets everything from me. SD would have almost zip.

***see an estate lawyer. Get your house set up as a life estate so you can stay for life. Get the lawyer to write in the spousal trusts ( good when you are both alive) for each other to cover nursing home, etc. And... if you are that young, get yourself LTC insurance.***

Joint Property is all about Survivorship...  However - I believe that also requires both names on the property title...  Definitely see a lawyer and prepare yourself before you go too far down this road...  My husband and I are also 18 years apart - which was nothing when we married at 39 and 57... Twenty three years later we are 62 and 80... Completely different scenarios but our love has only strengthed over time (and going thru Hell) together.  You will need waterproof protection for your future - and his children can still be compensated for their "lucky sperm club" membership.    Good luck - or get out if you get push back... BTW -I wouldn't be paying rent and he shouldn't even let you!  Does not pass the sniff test for me - but we are "old school"!

Slate featured a remarriage financial question. The last part of the answer is, I think, applicable here.

If this is your first marriage, merge your assets gradually and carefully. If it is your second marriage, proceed with more caution. I understand that you want to be husband and wife, rather than roommates, but you may have more success by maintaining your financial independence. That way, you’re together because you want to be, and not because your union is dictated by finances.

#1 Rule of wisdom for women - do not look to a man to provide for your support or future support. Work. Save your OWN retirement account. Make sure you can afford to support yourself if there isn't a man in your life.

#2 Never look to marrying an older man expecting that he's going to leave you assets he accumulated before he knew you. If you marry, your only expectation should be a share of what you built TOGETHER.

Specific to your situation, if he make substantially more than you, why are you paying nearly 1/2 of his mortgage? Living expenses should be divide proportionally to how much of the household income you bring in. If the total household income is 100k, and he earns 80k but you only earn 20k, then the housing expenses are split 80/20. Bills for groceries and utilities are split based on the number of people in the house. If a woman and her child live with a man, the woman pays 2/3 of the groceries and utilities while the man pays 1/3.

You say you have nothing for your partner to inherit if you die, but if he dies while married to you, you would expect him to leave you the house. Yeah, no. The least he can do for you is write it into his will that you are allowed to live in the house for 5, 10, 15, 20 years or until you decide to move out. The will can require you to pay a reasonable rent, but you should not be responsible for the maintenance or taxes for a property someone else will inherit.

My partner and I are contemplating marriage. He is 7 years older than me and already retired. He and his late wife accumulated all the assets he has which he'd like to see go to his adult daughter when he dies. He owns 2 houses and we live in one of them.

I have my own nest egg designed to support JUST ME in my golden years, but anything left over will go to my 3 kids. I also own two houses.

My partner and I are agreed that there will be a prenup. And anything we have up until the day we marry is our own individual asset. Anything we accumulate or build AFTER we marry will be a joint asset (excluding any appreciated value on our real estate or any growth in our respective individual investments).

He knows that I would like him to update his will to allow me to remain in our home (his house) for as long as I want/need to if he were to die. The other option we've discussed is me buying into the house so that it's 1/2 mine and I have legal standing after his death. I don't think his daughter will try to push me out, but I do think well meaning relatives might urge her to do it to protect her inheritance.

But, as someone with assets who has worked hard to have them, and has been USED financially by a former spouse and stepchildren, I can tell you that I guard my assets and would look unfavorably at anyone who sought to capitalize on my financial security. I learned my lesson the hard way in my 2nd marriage.

It's your job to make sure you have enough to live on if your partner passes away. You should never seek to benefit financially from a marriage except when you build something together (where you BOTH contribute).

DH and I are both of the opinion that the surviving spouse get's everything. All property, all life insurance. Kids can have sentimental items, but that is about it. Our marriage was an agreement to take care of each other, that includes after death. 

Minor children would receive social security benefits and they have their other parent to care for their needs. Adult children are capable to caring for themselves. 

My SS22, who is special needs, would continue to be cared for by me if DH were to pass away 1st. 

What happens after that will change obviously as I age and if I were to remarry (unlikely since I would lose military benefits). 

If I were to pass first, DH has promised to be there for my bios and help as needed, but I expect them to be self sufficient. Their college is paid for and they have their father, so there should be little that they actually need. My life insurance and our property secures my spouses future. 

As unmarried partners, I wouldn't expect anything. Frankly, that is why that "piece of paper" is so important. It legally protects you. 

Talking about long-term financial planning is not out of line, or greedy, or morbid. You both need a clear understanding of what you each want and need, individually, and together.

In a second marriage, it's common for assets (and debt) aquired prior to marriage to stay with each individual unless/until that partner combines it with marital assets. There is no way in hell I'd follow the "all in" approach of everything becoming joint upon marriage. In my case, my spouse came with debt and I came with assets, including inherited assets that will not be passed to anyone other than my kids. DH benefits from my inheritance in his lifetime, but he is in no way entitled to it should I pass first.

But that's not to say I don't want my spouse to have what he needs to continue to live comfortably. That can be accomplished through life insurance, trust, etc. Consult an estate attorney to see what works best for your circumstances in your state.

Maybe your partner sees the house as something he wants to leave to his kids because the downpayment and several years of mortgage payments predate you. I don't see anything wrong with that, as long as he provides some ability for you to continue to live comfortably. I personally wouldn't be too stuck on one approach (like keeping the house) over another (like an insurance payout). But you'll never know what's important to him and what he's thinking until you have a healthy discussion about it.

Might be time to check in with him again about his feelings toward marriage. That seems a logical first step.

DEBT. DEBT. DEBT!

Karma, you are focused on assets and what will happen to them if your DH dies before you do.  BUT...and it's an important but...you MUST get legal advice because AS HIS WIFE you will be on the hook for debt, too. 

If he winds up needing long-term or other expensive medical care, it will eat into his (and your) assets very, very quickly. Medicare rules are pretty strict about attaching assets and most states have additional requirements. Plus if the house is still mortgaged you will have to deal with that.  

Think about DEBTS and not just ASSETS!

Sorry you got so many responses from people who didn't read what you wrote. All I can say is protect yourself. If I were in your shoes I would either (1) want a rental agreement (this gives you protection to not be kicked out immediately upon his death), or (2) something in his will stating you have a 6 month estate upon his death, or 1 year, or a life estate, etc. a lawyer could draft this for you and it's enforceable, or (3) change the title on the property to tenants in common (and you can do a percentage to give him a little more since he must have made down payment and the 5 years of payments), or (4) stop paying your share of the rent and save that so you have it in the event you need it. Since your not married yet and options 2 & 3 are more long term solutions, I weighed out for 1 or 4, and then once married or maybe after you hit 10 years together (or whatever makes sense for you guys), you can make a more permanent solution like 2 or 3.

I will reiterate what I've said previously:  If Karma wants to protect herself but wants to marry then she needs to think about more than his assets - she needs to think about potential DEBTS. The house is still mortgaged, he is quite a bit older and will probably need some form of expensive medical care, and SHE may very well wind up on the hook as the spouse.  In Minnesota, where she is from:

"One exception to the general rule is medical debts. In general, a spouse can be liable for the other spouse’s “necessary medical services.” (Minn. Stat. § 519.05). For many consumers, the first time they learn of the alleged debt is when they are contacted by a debt collector about their spouse’s debt. Or, they first learn of the debt when they are sued for their spouses’s debt."