Advice needed for sd's jealousy of me.
I've been a stepmom for almost three years. My sd is eight. She spends quite a bit of time at our home. I suspected she would be jealous of me when I entered the picture. She had her father all to herself for many, many years before me. But, I also thought that after three years things would settle down. Boy, was I wrong.
So far, it has been very subtle, but insidious. She stays glued to her dad's side every minute. If he walks away from her and starts talking to me, she follows. She sits and waits for us to finish our conversation, but she's figity and impatient with her body language. Sometimes she'll go sit in her dad's lap, and I'm sure she's doing it to put herself between the two of us.
Ok, I realize the above scenario isn't earth-shattering, but I think the overall pattern in our family is one where we're all supposed to drop everything and pay attention to sd. If not, she's jealous. Unfortunately, I think her jealously is directed at me. I'm at a loss. I just don't know how to break the pattern. As a consequence, I get irritated and just leave (the conversation, the room, the house, whatever). So, basically, she wins. I'm constantly reinforcing the pattern that I hate so much.
Any thoughts?
Maybe some light
I do not know. We have a similar situation. I have known my SD since she was 9, and thought that it would get better-- it hasn't because it is complex and her bio-parents enable this behavior.
I think that part of the behavior is to ensure that her dad still loves her, part of it is single parenting tends to enmesh children and they take on roles that they wouldn't need to be bothered with prior to a divorce and therefore feel that they are being replaced, sharing the center of attention is a definte, many times they are treated like mini adults-- listening to adult conversations and not sent off to play with others or themselves.
You see there are a lot factors- not one of them healthy. So in a nut shell we have very very insecure children. Then the parents see this and continue to coddle the behavior, while ignoring the source of the problem.
Nip it in the bud now, there is nothing more pathitic than seeing a 15 year old girl clinging to their father as if they are boyfirend girlfriend because SD is afraid to socialise with kids her own age!! Or talking baby talk.. daaaady or maahhhmmy to seek validation, particularily becaue ours is a 4.0 academic with a deficit in her emotional I.Q.
We are trying counseling, but expect it will take a looong time.
You need to tell your man . I
You need to tell your man . I let go on mine and told him it's to the point I dont want to be around them anymore. He THANKfULLY said he is going to take care of it so this weekend coming up I'd when the changes are supposed to happen. Better believe I will be on top of it because I'm sick and tired of having a mini wife around. I can't do it anymore it's to the point where the sound of her name makes me CRINGE