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Help I am losing my mind

dmd0221's picture

I really need help, because I am so angry right now.

First, a little about my situation. My husband and I barely knew each other when we moved in together (5 months into the relationship). Within one month, his sons who at that time where 11 and 14, moved in as well - let the fun begin!
So, we all learned to adjust and go through the terrible teens with the oldest. When the oldest left for college, the youngest started to get in trouble - first he was caught with Pot at school (14 years old), kicked out of the school and was enrolled in a private school. Things were quite for a 6 months, then he was caught with a girl at 4:00 in the morning at a park and it was 25 degrees below.
Things got quite again - at 16 1/2 his father found that he was still smoking pot and grounded him for the whole summer (sorta of, the kid was allowed to go to a concert, go visit his girlfriend and etc) to no surpise senior year of high school, he was caught smoking at school, accused of stealing money from another student and shoplifting. I am telling you the child was never punished, we are paying for his shoplifting ticket and the kid continues to party and ask for money from us constantly. Everyday is a fight around here, when his father is at work the kid argues with me about everything and if I say anything to my husband, I am accused of lying or I do not like his son, or that I am causing problems. The best part is when the kid argues with me, he will often call his father at work and lie to him telling him that I said this or that. Lastly recently the kid has been smoking pot in our house before school, when I mentioned this to him I heard-how do you know or really sarcastely thats awful early to be smoking pot! Like I am making up stories again.

Any advice? I love my husband but he needs to support me as well. I just don't know what to do - I have thought a lot about leaving (we have been married 3 years, together all total 7 years).

Comments

dmd0221's picture

Oh yea, what brought me to this site is today - I said no to my stepson who once again was looking for money, the reason for no was his shoplifting ticket payment is due and I felt that this was is responsibility. Well his father turn that into, I disagree with you and I was just saying no to say no. When I tried to explain my thoughts, my husband told me that he would go to the cash station to get the money! So, another tense day in my house - Happy Valentines day!
How do I get past this anger and resentment?

Gmama's picture

oh my, sounds like MY house,, EXCEPT it's MY kids that are the "naughty"ones,, both my boys took my husbands truck in the middle of the night, smoke pot, drink, my oldes has a 2 y/o already,, JUST BRATS.
they both have been in truoblw with tha law and school,, my oldest will be 20 in March,, and he really turned it around,, he's a great dad,,bought a house, and works hard,, all though he still needs to finish school, I think he's starting to get it?????
my 17y/0 still has some work to do in fact I was on a rampage last night about him and ONLY ONE MORE YEAR LEFT!!!
is all I can say is stay patient,, we feel the same way you guys do,, i'm sure your husband is equally upset and dissapointed in his son ( and maybe his parenting habits,, I know I question what I DID WRONG at times)I feel like a failure alot,my husband has been extremly patient with everything, even when they took his truck (both did it,, and didn't have a license) we just look to the future,, where we know they won't be our responsibilty and we can start our life together,,, we just truly love each other sooooo much that we think were lucky to have found each other,,, one thing I have noticed is that it takes alot sometimes to get men worked up,I think they think it's normal for boys to be boys, but they both have pushed my husband to the physical point, and when my husband pushed back, they seemed to have mellowed out a little bit with him...

dmd0221's picture

Thanks Gmama, I hope that I can make it to when this child moves out! If he is lucky he will graduate and head off to college by this fall.

I just hope that I can hang in there.

Thanks again