Age gaps, and no one asking permission
Ss is 12 very soon 13, bs is 7. Ss is not grasping the fact bs is not allowed to do certain things...
A few months ago i let my gaurd down because ss and bs were getting along, ss was letting bs in his room, i kept an ear on them because ss gets really sarcastic and says mean things(like he is joking with his friends) but bs takes it really personally when ss goes over board(many times my son gets really upset after being around ss and his mouth for like 10 minutes) so i peek in, listen to whats going on and, if it ok i let him stay, if it gets in to the "your stupid, your an idiot" talk i make bs leave.
So after a couple of times i started letting him stay in the room longer...well this one day bs is in there watching ss play his video game no biggie, so i go about cleaning, i check on them they seem ok no crazy being mean...so i make them popcorn, they come out of room, ss says" he did good watching poltergist, i let him have this for watching it." Uhhh wtf?! Bs"its not scary, its funny." So i blow up.. i was pissed, DH and i had not even watched the new one to see what was on it!! But besides that i was pissed not one of them came out of that room to ask me if it was ok! Wtf?! (Not the whole movie, it was like in the middle)
I feel ss wanted my son out so he tried to "scare him out" dh can say what he wants but ive told ss many times if he want bs out of his room let me know, i will come get him. He has no reason to "scare him out"...
Then after all that, a few weeks later.... dh, ss and bs have been playing clash of clans together. Great, right? Well little by little bs has been going back in ss room asking him about stuff on coc. Well this one morning we are getting ready to go to my friends, and ss is going with his,grandma. While i was getting the baby ready and getting packed up, bs goes in to show ss something on coc... well gma gets there, Bs flies down to show her his USERNAME on another app! This roadblox thing!
Im furious! Like why? My ipad is locked down, its mostly little kid apps, no internet accsses at all...bs really cant do much on it, but some of those apps you can still connect with people.
Anyway i kept my composier, because ss was leaving with gma...i said very firmly "you should NOT have set him up a user name without asking me, THAT is not ok, we will talk about it later."
So ss instead of "oh sorry, your right should have told you." Uhhh nooo. Ss says" its No Big DEAL, it signs him in automatically, i can show you what he can do."
Me "i dont care what he can do, and it is a big deal, because YOU are NOT his parent, HE is 7, you did not ask me."
He just keeps repeating its no big deal,getting closer to gma and the door.
My tone gets a little louder because he is not getting it, at all.
So i tell gma im sorry im upset, she says it fine she understands(at this point my tone has gone up but i am not yelling)
Ss goes "its ok, im use to it, she yells at me ALL the time!"
Then i yelled " what?! Are you kidding me? Im upset with you because you did something with my 7year old with out asking me, and it HURTS you are not even sorry about it and are acting like you will do it again!! Not one sorry have you said!!"
Well that shut him up, he mummbled a sorry, and walked out the door, gma says ill talk to him...
Dh still does not know about it.
Im not sure i even want to talk about it again he will just defend him, like he did with the movie thing.
I deleted the app. Had a big talk with my son and told him he is not allowed to go in ss room again without me.
It sucks because here it is weeks later and he wants to go peek in on his brother and i cant allow it. The trust is gone for both of them.
I hate this technology parenting.
I feel ss setup the username to distract bs with something new and get bs away from him, im sure dh will have a different defense, like oh well he just wanted to help him, ss is just being a nice guy showing him something new.
Yeah whatever...
It does not matter someone should have asked me, and im not ok with ss thinking its his right to make decisions for my child.... not ok ...
Yes,i try hard to keep them
Yes,i try hard to keep them seperate. Well ss would tell my son to get out, but then my son would try to make it a game, and make ss drag him out, then there is door slamming, then they start wrestling...so i told him to come get me, because if someones fingers get shut in the door, im going to take power cords from both rooms!!
He would come and tell us, but slowly he got lazy and started giving bs toys to get out of his room... then he would throw stuff out of his room, my son would go grab it then he would slam the door shut...ughhh.... then i dont know they spent a weekend together and he started letting my son watch him play games for a little while, then he would turn off his game put on his headphones and not say a word to my son, my son would start talking loudly to him, then id come up, tell ss that he needs to TELL or ask him to leave, he cant just ignore him. After that they actually had some decent weeks together, so i let me guard down, i let bs stay a little longer before i would call him out, then this movie thing happened so you tell me was he "scaring him out" or trying to "bond"?
HE let him in his room!!! Bs
HE let him in his room!!! Bs has to ask me if he can go in, i ask ss if its ok? He says yes or NO, my son does not just go in...thats why he needs,to come let me know...but that why i check on them!!!
So to me ss got lazy, he did
So to me ss got lazy, he did not tell my son to leave and he did not tell me bs wont leave his room... if he oks bs going in his room then helllo. It alittle bit on him To communicate.
Why do you keep assuming SS
Why do you keep assuming SS didn't want BS in his room. Maybe SS wanted someone to play his games with.
Those aren't games to 'share', they are for individuals so SS set up BS so they could play together....or BS play his own game on Roblox. My Gson13 has roblox. It isn't just 1 game, they have many games on the site.
Im not assuming....bs will
Im not assuming....bs will come to ss door to show him something and ss yells "get out, go away" .... for dinner we call ss down, he cant hear us so bs will go get him, b4 bs can say anything ss yells "shut the door, get out"
Dh got on ss about that though because ss will be on his headphones and cannot hear us.
And now with bs getting bigger, he can go with step gma to the movies, she asked me if he could go with them. Ss found out threw a fit said he wont go if bs goes...so dh said "ill talk to him" but nothing happened. Gma took bs another time with another little cousin, and made it special for them.(this was a recent event, but sure ss has grown up, eyeroll)
But hello. Bs should have got to go and ss could sulk in his room...
I dont know how im making excusses when im stating facts of why i felt its not full on good intentions?
Haha, except if my son gets
Haha, except if my son gets hurt then my ex will call child services on me, cause he is a crappy person....
Im ok with being a protective parent, so many parents are not and wonder what happened to their child, i mean hello lots of kids are getting bullied on the internet,then commit suicide! The facts are there to not be worried.
I used to be very paranoid
I used to be very paranoid about my 6 year old having access to things like Roblox and Minecraft. But then I sat down with him and had him explain to me what he was doing and how it works. Turns out it was nothing to get in a huff over. If he needs a login for any of his games, I use my information and email addresses. I don't know your history with your step so I'm just working under the assumption that he's kind of a jerk but not dangerous. It sounds like he's trying to teach your son something that is special to him. When we were kids, he would be showing your son his Lego sets. But nowadays, people show off the games they like. I really don't think he meant any harm. He just wanted to show off for his brother. Now the movie thing, that would have irked me a tad. I would watch scary movies in front of my brother (7 year age gap) just to see his reaction. He's in his 20s and still doesn't like clowns. So, maybe just explain to your step that your son is just too young to process those kinds of movies and shows and to please run them by you first. And throw in that if he can't censor himself, you will be glad to do it for him. As for the games, maybe have your step show you what these games are about and what you can do on them. While he's doing that, you can open a dialogue about what's appropriate for little man and what's not.
Read above... My son does not
Read above...
My son does not need a username and he was happy playing without one... im upset by neither one informing me or asking me. Not all games are bad but if i do not put my foot down with these games what is ss showing him next?
Really good parenting advice!
Really good parenting advice!
I can understand the older getting fed up, and tuning out instead of "being mean" by telling/asking little bro to leave. And honestly? He shouldn't HAVE to come and get you to get little bro to leave - you need to tell your son that either he leaves when asked, or he can't play in older bro's room. Period. At 12/13, kiddo deserves some privacy.
Spot on. GREAT advice!
Spot on. GREAT advice!
I have tried to have convos
I have tried to have convos with ss, he just laughs at me or rolls his eyes.
No i would not take him out for a treat, because if i asked him he would tell me no
I dont ask ss to go anywhere with us anymore. Dh has to ask him.
We are actually pretty seperate. I mean the movie thing happened around the end of the school year, the weekend away where we were together away from tv, was the 4th of july....then your talking a few friday nights ss let him in his room...
This child has tons of privacy.
He has no problem telling bs no, so your point of him not wanting to be mean is not true. He has told bs several times"i dont like you"
We were out together i guess ss was 10 and bs maybe like 5...and bs proudly told another kid ss was his brother, and ss comes up "no im not, and never will be"
Sorry this one post does not sum up all the times leading up to why im surprised when ss is nice to bs... sorry...
I can go on and this is why i listen to their convos, this is why i donot like bs going in there... and you all typing "they are brothers" "helping his bro" in ss mind NO they are not. And this is why i do not assume good intentions right off the bat...
He has no problem telling bs
He has no problem telling bs no, so your point of him not wanting to be mean is not true. He has told bs several times"i dont like you"
really.. all siblings tell their siblings they don't like them. They tell them they hate them.. then they end up playing together. It's 100% normal.
Have you talked to your DH about these things? Maybe he could help his son understand what is and what is not appropriate for a 7 year old? Also, do you really understand all the technological stuff to the point where you fully understand the risks of certain games? Having a user name does not necessarily allow people to contact you in all cases.
So what if the SS was in fact
So what if the SS was in fact your BS and they had this huge age gap? Would you spend 24/7 telling them they couldn't do stuff together?
My gsons are bio brothers. One is 13 and the other is 6. Huge age gap. The 6yo plays his brothers games and they play stuff together. I felt the 13yo was playing videos games too young, but like his Dad, my DS told me, he isn't your kid. 13yo is one of the sweetest kids you could meet and has never fought or cussed out anyone else.
Im glad you have a sweet non
Im glad you have a sweet non cussing grandson, but not sure how to take that except bragging.
And yes bs is my child, i feel 7 is to young for usernames and lots of other things...thats me. I have a friend who has a daughter in middle school she wont let her have a phone till 9th grade, she has an ipod...but no phone. Why are parents not allowed to parent anymore? Everyone elses kid has a phone so she should too, and mom should just deal?
Why am i horrible because im sticking to my guns and when bs gets bigger, yeah we can start disscussing usernames and other apps..and ss can be apart of it. He can give us suggestions all he wants...but right now... i feel 7 is to young . Thats me. And to not ask me, was just wrong.
I have a 12 (almost 13) year
I have a 12 (almost 13) year old SS and a 9-year-old biological son, but my bio son is disabled and has the mind of a 7 year old. I'll be honest. The only thing I like about having my SS12 around is him hanging out with my son. They play all those games together. My son has no friends at school so I love that stepbrother doesn't treat him like a baby.
I got upset when he let him watch a few minutes of "Jaws" a few years ago, so I told him my son was only allowed to watch and play certain thing, ratings, etc. We also keep the Xbox in the living room, so we can monitor activities. Good luck!
Thats sad that you dont like
Thats sad that you dont like having your ss around. Does he babysit your son and give you a break?? I mean that sounds pretty awesome of him.
I'm actually beginning to
I'm actually beginning to like having him around. He's growing on me. I hope I can even love him like my own one day : ) It's just been a really rough start, because he was destroyin my stuff and lashing out all the time, before I figured out how what he needed from me. Now, it's going MUCH better.
That would be great...im
That would be great...im oppisite, we started off really good, but now we are kind of seperate family functions going on.
We are looking into family counceling,im hoping we can get back on track..or atleast i can kind of vent better!!
I have ss12, bs7, then a 3 yearold!! Nice age gaps...
Of course neither of them
Of course neither of them asked. Why would they? When I 13 and my little bro was 7 neither of us would asked either. We have a 6yr age gap too.