Upset
My friends birthday is saturday, but she is like family...she is having her birthday at this local bar...maybe 8 mintues from the house...dh is throwing a fit about me going!! Ive been doing other stuff with the kids and he is trying to wrap it up in a ball.
He works hard i get it, but sitting at home with the kids, is hard when they get all crazy. A few friends dont even invite me places anymore...why because im nervous about time. When ill be back...irritating my husband.
Ughhh...im looking hard for a therapist. But my insurance is not taken by alot, i feel if i have to pay (which i might) dh will be a butthole about that. But i feel crazy getting jealous about a 12 year old that gets to go wherever do whatever, not one negative word, not ok is your room clean? Nothing.
But i talk about going to a friends with kids for kids, i get scoffed at, asked how long, then he says stuff like he is jealous or cant believe i did it without him...i try not to take it personally, i try to ignore it like my friend does, but im not thick skinned i hate fighting, it so much easier not to go! But my kids miss out on stuff and his kid gets to leave the minute grandma calls?? Or ss calls grandma??
Sounds like your husband
Sounds like your husband might have a codependent personality. Maybe it is him who needs the therapy. It is perfectly normal to go out once in a while with your friends without having to feel guilty about it. Don't make him make you feel like this is normal. It is not, and in fact it is a form of abuse. Promise you.
One thing that abusive
One thing that abusive persons tend to do is to isolate their spouse. It is not normal that you cannot go someplace without your dh getting upset. He is trying to control you. Please take his behavior seriously. I have been through it and it ended up with physical abuse.
Thanks ladies. I need a
Thanks ladies. I need a push....just feeling low, i need to start looking about getting out... i dont even want to be around him much anymore...
No i do not work.
No i do not work.
How often does your husband
How often does your husband get a 'guy's night' and you two have date nights together?
I could understand your husband building resentment and jealousy if he spends all his time working for the income and tending to the baby, seven year old. Who wants to be the money earner designated 'babysitter' (or paying for one) while his wife has a nonstop social life. On his dime ad always excluding him.
Based on what little you've written, I don't feel there is enough info to call this guy an abuser/controller blah blah. Though it seems others here are willing to diagnose and burn at the stake. *shrugs*
I actually think she is busy
I actually think she is busy watching all the kids during the day and doesn't have ample time to socialize. Plus, these friends may work and not be available to socialize during the day.
She is saving him a ton of money that he might otherwise have to spend on childcare, and there are immeasurable benefits to having a parent at home with kids vs daycare options. I know it's not always financially possible, but I think it's nice when it IS possible. It's tricky though, the person who isn't actually earning "other people's money" can be resented when they want to spend money on themselves or feel controlled. It would suck to have to ask every time you want to go buy a bottle of nailpolish or whatever.
Or play on the internets
Or play on the internets
It wasn't a jab... it was
It wasn't a jab... it was just to go along with you drinking cosmos all day
This is actually a true stay
This is actually a true stay at home story for one of my best friends.
She has 4 kids. 2 in school, 1 in preschool and a baby.
They are signed up for a ton of fun activities. So she is always busy driving them places.
She has a babysitter for when needed, not to mention both sets of grandparents help out a lot.
She has a housekeeper who also does meal prep for them. So she doesn't even really have to cook. They also eat out/take out a lot.
He gives her a $1000 "allowance" each month. She uses it for eating out and stuff that she takes the kids to do. But not for the activities she has them signed up for.
She has her nail and hair done all the time. She has a new outfit for any event.
She is one of the "stereotypes" of SAHM.
She is one of the nicest, most loving, caring wonderful people that I know.
I know a SAHD. He's an
I know a SAHD. He's an engineer actually in the process of developing something. His wife is a pharmaceutical rep. He home schools the kids too. They also have a lot of property and have been into gardening and trying to use as much off their land as possible.
I don't like the whole debate of I do this and I do that all day. Because really I can write a HUGE list of everything I do all day as well. I just don't have dirty diapers to change and only make homemade meals 2 or 3 days a week but yeah everything else I am doing too.
The hardest job for me was when I was working from home. DH expected a home cook meal more often. Also to be his secretary. Ya know "because I am home". Plus all the other stuff my OCD mind would come up with that had to be done. Numerous house projects, closets that had to be cleaned, stuff that had to be washed.
Now my BFF- she does have it made. She married good
Motivated people will make
Motivated people will make their lives busy no matter what.- VERY TRUE.
I took a 4 hour break at work
I took a 4 hour break at work to play on the internet... I just can't find a good way to hide my tequila.
Styrofoam coffee cup with a
Styrofoam coffee cup with a lid, of course!!
Silly zero - where there's a will, there's a way
The limes and salt on my desk
The limes and salt on my desk are a dead giveaway. :O LOL
I didn't say she sits on her
I didn't say she sits on her *ss munching bonbons , I asked when he and/they together get socializing adult time. He needs 'me' time as much as se does. I'm not hearing her relay what, if any, socializing time he gets. Maybe he goes to bars a night every week and spends half his off days golf/fishing with the guys. She hasn't said.
I'm all for each partner having breaks and 'me' time.
He has a boat...he goes
He has a boat...he goes fishing whenever he wants. He just dropped a bunch of money to start crabbing, and i did not rain on his parade. We do not have alot of date nights unless target counts?
Im not a "get my nails done" type of person. But maybe i should start getting them done.
No he is not a bar person, and i get that, but i cannot tell another adult, "sorry my husband hates bars can you plan your night out somewhere else for us?" He asked me about taking them out to dinner, but i dont know when we would go? Im sure he would have reasons to push it further and further back!
And this would be the first adult night out since may...i think...
Oh well, he does get 'me'
Oh well, he does get 'me' time. Thanks for answering that. Go to your friend's party. Enjoy yourself. It's not your fault he doesn't want to attend where it's held.
You might also consider daycare (or relative) a few hours a couple days a week while the older kids are at school so you have some 'me' time. Lunch with a friend or just a quite walk in the park. Summer with kids and a baby is draining.
Plan a date night. Even just a movie. Parents need 'me' time and couple time. A random 'I would like for the two of us could do ________ next x, who do you think we should have sit the kids'.
As a working mom I totally
As a working mom I totally know that busy feeling.
I don't know how us women and
I don't know how us women and mothers do all the things that we do. Single, married, 1 kid, 4 kids. There is a struggle in each situation.
Is your DH invited to go?
Is your DH invited to go?
Yes i talked to his mother
Yes i talked to his mother about babysitting she is fine with it.
I told him about it a week and half before, he seemed ok, then i talked to his mom, and when i told him it was all good to go...thats when it became an argument. And he told me to give him reasons why going to a bar is soo fun...he really wanted me to list reasons why i wanted to go...i would not do it. Then he went on a rant about how stupid a bar is and why i want to be grouped with stupid, ungrownup people!
Im just hurt he knows these people! They are not stangers.
Sounds like its a
Sounds like its a control/jealous/insecurity issue. Do you normally go out and do stuff?
My DH is so used to me doing X,Y,Z and when I do 1,2,3 he sometimes acts all weird and makes a big deal about it.
Sorry, but I can't stop
Sorry, but I can't stop laughing. This is a grown ass woman. Why is there even an option for her husband to ALLOW her to do anything???? LOLOLOL
All she needs to do is TELL her husband that she's going to hang out with Jane for a few hours.
Why in the world is the OP treating her husband like her daddy???
OP, are all of your kids his kids? If not, do you receive CS for your kid/stuff? If you ex is not helping (if there is one),thenthe reason why he treats you like a child may be because he's the one support you and yours.
Sounds like he is jealous and
Sounds like he is jealous and thinks some man will hit on you.
Update- saturday he was very
Update- saturday he was very distant with me, then he starts bringing things up. I tried to ignore him, but he would not let up, so i end up crying. I yell fine you win, call your mother. He will not do it. Im so frustrated that he put me through all these "words" to try to get me to change my mind! Finally i call his mother tell her do not come. She talks to him. He takes the phone outside. He comes back says she is still coming. We go to the bar. And guess what, the bar has a band, not a DJ that night she is disappointed, so they are all seaching for the next spot. So they were at the bar for about 40-45 mintues...they found another place, updated that they were changing spots, we hung out with them till this other couple came that they were waiting on. Then they left. Dh looks at me and says "sorry im an asshole. All that and they left. Want to play pool while we finish our drinks?"
We did not follow them because we told his mom till 1030-11ish. And the next place was 35 mintues away, which means we would follow them, then have to turn around and start heading back.
Anyway we got a datenight i guess, my friend saw i was there for her. But the hell to get there omg! Why cant he just keep his mouth shut...if we get mugged or harrassed then make a stink!!
And what happened nothing...
The only thing that happened is adding another brick to my wall.