To allow or not to allow...
Ok so DH and I are planning a birthday party for SS7. We only have every other weekend visitations and his birthday lands on a weekend that we have him. BM is constantly calling DH a loser and saying he abandoned his DS, and constantly tries to make our lives awful. He didn't abandon his family, he just left her, and he sees his son as much as he is allowed. SS told us about a month ago that BM was having a birthday party for him as well, so he'd get two parties. Then the last time we had SS he mentioned that BM wants to come to the party that we're planning (that we fully paid for, we rented out a place). We didn't talk about it when SS was there, but have been talking recently. Question I have is, if she asks DH (since her and I don't communicate) if she can come to the party we planned, what does he say? A lot of my family is going to be there, so I honestly don't think she'd be comfortable there anyway.
You are not invited !!! I
You are not invited !!! I don't believe you are on the list.
That's what he was saying. I
That's what he was saying. I was thinking that she should be allowed because he's his BM. Maybe I'm just too nice and hope that people can just get along for the sake of the child.
The amount of times that she's called him a selfish loser, and other such insults though, makes it so difficult to be nice to her. Thanks for all your answers, now for the guilt trip and name calling from her for not letting her come. Does it ever end?
If the party is at a Chuckie
If the party is at a Chuckie E Cheese / skating/laser tag....type place, you can't keep her from showing up.
That's a good point. It is at
That's a good point. It is at a public place and not in our own home.
You don't have to tell her
You don't have to tell her date or time, though. And you CAN have a party host exclude her from the party room. I mean, if she's tarted getting nasty with you or DH.
My DH would hang up before
My DH would hang up before she could finish the question.
What if my SS asks us if his
What if my SS asks us if his mom can come though? I have a feeling she'd put him up to it with her manipulating ways of hers. She seems to be tweaking him to just how she wants him.
He tells his kid "no".
He tells his kid "no".
We've only heard through SS
We've only heard through SS that she was planning one for him. Then he switched it last weekend and said she wasn't planning one anymore, and wanted to come to ours.
Not only should he say
Not only should he say "no"..but he should say a loud emphatic "FARK, NO!!".. then "are you out of your freakin' mind..??"
If SS asks - the response should be: "Answer is NO, Son - if your Mom wants a party, she can plan one for you".
Tell her this..... We have
Tell her this.....
We have already invited the maximum amount of people allowed for the price point we paid. If you want to attend we need $500 to add additional people. }:)
Just joking... just say no.
Hahahaha, if only we could do
Hahahaha, if only we could do that. }:)
It's just hard for him to say
It's just hard for him to say no to his son and then have BM say that his dad 'won't allow her to come' and make him look like the bad guy. We have no idea what she's been telling him. He leaves us perfectly fine, sleeping sound through the night and acting like a normal child. Then when he goes back to her place, she says that he's not sleeping, he's confused, and he's worried. There's so many head games, I feel so bad for SS. He's too young to have to deal with this emotional baggage that she's putting on him.
He's giving BM way too much
He's giving BM way too much power by over analysing this. He just has to realise that it is no longer his problem. He also needs to have SS learn that YOU and HIM are a united front and BM is separate from you guys.
Sooner SS adapts and learns to deal with this - the easier it will be for him later. It will also help make SS strong emotionally and he'll learn how to deal with his Mom when he gets older, also.
it's time he begin telling
it's time he begin telling his son and bm no and take his balls back. we all know what happens when children are never told "no" and when appropriate boundaries aren't drawn with bio mom "for the children". it isn't you and your dh's fault if bm gets angry because she's been put in her proper place and begins bad-mouthing you two to ss. her true character will come out when she's not used to being told no, and that she does NOT have a golden uterus and is NOT a part of your family. no, it will not be pleasant at first, but once those boundaries are drawn, you will save yourself a ton of headaches, bm's interference with your lives and possibly save your marriage. if not, believe me, this fear of telling that first family no will ruin YOUR marriage.
He does tell his son 'no' to
He does tell his son 'no' to things (he's used to being told no with us and that he doesn't get his way all the time), it's just things like this that are more sensitive. She always tries to make us look like the 'bad guys' in situations. I'm hoping she doesn't even ask to come, but all of the advise has brought some strength on our side and how we should be looking at it. Thank you.
So it turns out SS did tell
So it turns out SS did tell DH that BM really wants to come to his party, and also spit out that BM had a party for him last weekend already. DH told SS that we are only allowed a certain number of people so there isn't enough room. SS said 'ok' and didn't bat an eye or seem to care at all. So all is well so far, unless BM calls tomorrow and DH has to explain to her that she's not allowed to come. After all, we weren't notified that she had one and we weren't invited. Fair is fair.