It will not really depend on you whether you can make a good relationship with your SD or not, it will depend on her bio parents. I suggest you read "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin for more detail on this. Basically, if the SD's bio mom has a reasonable (ie not hostile) attitude towards you, you may be able to relate OK to her, though I would not suggest trying to be a friend or an authority figure. Leave the active parenting to her dad, and just be kind and civil to her.

You are their parent. The key element of the position of Step Parent is PARENT. You are an equity spouse to your SO which makes you an equity parent to any kids in your home.

IMHO the way to have a good relationship with a Skid is to establish household rules, consistenly inforce those rules and hold every child in the home accountable for performing in compliance with the rules.

A parent's job is to be a child's Advocate/Confidante/Mentor/Disciplinarian. Not their friend, not their jailer, not their dictator. From this foundation relationships of long term closeness and respect grow. In this regard a SParent is no different than a BioParent.

With the exception of friend I would say the answer to your question(s) is ..... all of the above.

I have been my SS-20's Dad since he was 1yo. Of course we had the usual family struggles but he knows I have his back as his Advocate/Confindante/Mentor/Disciplinarian. He knows the same applies to his mom and to my parents and my brother and his family. SS is a Rags and that is how Rags' parent.

All IMHO of course.

Good luck.

First let me give you some sound advise. RUN There are millions of childless men out there looking for a childless woman to start a family now that they have their education behind them and career started.

The success rate of marriages with step-children is 1/2 that of those without which is to say about 25% here in the states. So a few years from now, statistically, you'll be saying goodby to both of them and good riddance.

And no I'm not an embittered step-parent. My second wife and I have now been married or at least together under the same roof for almost 35 years and I attempted to help raise her two daughters, 11 and 13 when we met. Eventually I disengaged - more on that soon.

Don't have any children of your own until you're sure this is going to work out. A minimum of a year, two preferably.

Check out this technique as if you insist on going through with this I suspect you'll find the concept very useful: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html