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Am I wrong?

Annoyed1's picture

Submitted by Annoyed1 on Sat, 03/08/2014 - 5:28pm

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Just need a little outside perspective on this. For the past 5 months my ss's have been living here full time. For the past 5 months BM has not only not paid anything towards these kids but has also been collecting child taxes on the boys (that's an entire other post Sad Well, lately funds have been tight in our household. I was laid off my full time job in January (I still have my weekend job, thank God) and didn't get my first EI cheque until earlier this week. But I knew the layoff was coming and paid all my bills a month in advance and put some cash aside to get me through to my first EI cheque. FDH was in a foul mood this morning because he's "broke" (he makes very good money, just first budget it properly) and went off on how "we aren't a team and don't work as a team, blah blah blah"!!! We've been together 10 years now and have always kept our finances separate simply due to the fact that he has 2 kids and I have none. I made the realization that the reason he's so broke is that he's actually had to pay for his kids 100% since I got laid off. I pay 1/2 the rent (on a 3 bedroom house mind you... all i need is 1 room) the vehicle insurance, the cable and Internet bill. He pays his rent, his car insurance, and groceries. I think I am being a "team player" and his head is just up his ass for expecting me to help him pay for his kids. We got in a big argument this morning because I told him I paid my bills and what I have left is mine and that if he needs more money to take his ex for child support and get those child taxes figured out. I'm not paying for their kids together while she sits there and pays nothing and gets a free ride (she's never really worked, just sits on welfare). I am planning a trip to the east coast of Canada this summer with my sister and need to save for that and me supporting his kids isn't going to get me that trip! Am I wrong to want the mom to stop scamming the child taxes and just contribute to her own spawn?!?!im just so sick of being robbed of my future to pay for his past. I put my foot down. Thanks for listening to my rant. Hope you're all having a good weekend! This is my first kid free weekend since Christmas and I'm spending it arguing with FDH over his kids and finances.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 03/08/2014 - 6:01pm

Of course, you are not wrong. You should not have to pay anything for his kids.

Do not let him put a guilt trip on you. He needs to learn how to budget his money and take care of his own finances and responsibilities.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 03/08/2014 - 7:53pm

You're not financially responsible for these kids. BM is and your dh needs to learn how to budget money. He needs to get the custody changed if it hasn't been already so he can get the state on her for cs.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Sat, 03/08/2014 - 9:40pm

Tell him considering you're not working you can't pay anything and he better get that child support quick.

Better yet leave this lazy tax sucking bastard.

Annoyed1's picture

Submitted by Annoyed1 on Sat, 03/08/2014 - 11:36pm

Thank you all for your comments. Sometimes I think I'm being irrational, selfish, crazy or mean. I really appreciate having a place to come to get an opinion on things that my friends or family wouldn't understand. If he wants to struggle because he doesn't want to make her pay, then that's his prerogative. I just don't want to listen to the whining and complaining. He digs his own grave sometimes.

SecondGeneration's picture

Submitted by SecondGeneration on Sun, 03/09/2014 - 1:52am

It always amazes me how people can end up arguing so much about money. And when there are kids added in ofcourse the bills go up.
You are right to put your foot down on paying out extras, particularly when you are still upholding your half of the household outgoings whilst having lost one of your forms of income.
My partner and I are both fairly crappy at saving, well no, we can save fine just life tends to say oh no your not having that holiday yet you need to replace x,y,z lol. I refuse to argue about money, Ive always worked, Ive always known saving is not my strong point unless I have a proper budget type document on excel for when I change things and even then it ends up being a guideline.
So long as the bills are always paid on time then the remaining money is to do with as you wish.
If the kids are with you more now then naturally its going to hurt his wallet, and maybe thats something you can point out to him; if when hes getting CS for the kids hes still struggling financially then you can sit down and look over the finances but right now you are only working one job and are only able to continue to provide what you already do.