Assault/SS/Advice
Long story short... SS(6 yo) visits BM very rarely. It was 2 months between visits, then 3 months, then four months... then she wanted SS EO Sunday. We let her see SS Sundays for a few hours for two weekends, since not seeing or speaking to him or us for 4 months. She asked to get SS overnight yesterday. I didn't like it but DH let her have him overnight.
A little backstory... within the past year BM's DH has assaulted her and has had domestic violence charges 4 times. That's in one year. Two SS was there to witness BM getting beat.. and the other two he was not there. BM also has a daughter with her DH and the last incident he threatened to kill their daughter. In the past year once he did and once she went for a divorce. Both times they got it dismissed and decided to stay together. All the assault and domestic violence charges.. BM fails to appear in court and by default the case is dropped against her DH. Last week was when the last one was dropped, and that's when we found out SS was visiting with BM's husband living there even though there was a TPO saying he was not supposed to be in the house. But that got dropped when BM didn't go to court.
So today I pick SS up from BM's after work. SS had a cut across his face with scrapes. He said a bush did it. (I believe him.) After about 15 minutes in the car, SS tells me about his exciting night last night. Apparently BM's DH cut BM with a knife. So BM hit him back. He called the cops on her and the cops came. SS didn't see him get arrested but I can't imagine they didn't being as there were two kids there when this happened. SS said that BM said the blood was fake that she was just saying he cut her so he would go to jail. (I don't believe she would do that, because a cop would know the difference. I think she told SS this so he wasn't scared.) So there is no doubt in my mind that he cut BM with a knife. And I'm sure she hit back because she has a history of it. (with my DH) SS didn't see him cut her but didn't see her put on "fake" blood either. SS said they sent him to his room when they were fighting. He said there was a nice lady cop that took him and his sister to another room and gave them stickers. (Which is when they maybe were arresting BM's DH??) So the first night BM has had him overnight since the beginning of July, this has to happen.
Anyways.... I need to know what to do. This is very serious... and if it escalated to violence with a knife... SS is not safe there. Through the past BM has NEVER showed up to court to get things taken care of. I can not sit back and let something happen again. It is damaging to SS and I fear next time it could be him. SS said he was about to "beat BM's DH up". I can only imagine what he would have done to SS if SS would have hit him. I am afraid for his safety and am not sure what I can do... I really need help. What if he would have cut her a little too deep. SS could have saw his BM die right there... it's not fair. I need to do something.....
PLEASE... ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP!!!!
OMG-that poor child!
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Call the authorities, call child protective services, call an attorney!
This is so far out there...and I'm sure, just as you are, that blood was not fake. An officer would spot that right off. Wow. What is your H's response to all this? Don't wait for it to happend again-make those calls now-or as quickly as possible.
Your SS is really lucky to have a stepmom who really cares, poor wee boy.
Supervised visits only
Your DH should file a motion in court to modify to visitation arrangements (assuming they are by court order). He should ask for supervised visits only, and no overnights.
I hope you guys have been documenting the whole history you laid out above. If not, you should start. Most of it is probably available by public record though. Get the police reports. Tell your story to the judge.
If there is no court order, then I think your DH should enforce the supervised visits idea on his own. I know it would be hard to swallow, but maybe BM can only see SS for a couple of hours, at a restaurant or other public place with DH present. No overnights, period. If she wants to give you all a hard time about it, let her take you to court and then have a judge sort it all out. Again, you'd want as much documentation of the violence as possible.
My SD lived with her BM until she was 7, and witnessed her BM getting beat up by various guys. It does serious damage to a kid. SD has been diagnosed with PTSD, as a result of seeing her mom get hit.
I do document... since I met
I do document... since I met the woman. My MIL was the one that used to do it, and when DH and I met, she left it to me. We have everything documented since SS was 2 years old. So yes I have documented everything. I know CPS has been called on them 12 times in the past few years. Twice it was because I called. They never do anything.
It is court ordered that she has visitation... but basically what DH says goes. She usually doesn't fight him on it. I don't think she would take us to court for refusing visitations. I have looked up the past court records for the domestic violence and assault online. It does give all the information on there about the cases.
Our one issue is that we barely have money to buy groceries at the end of the week, it's impossible for us to afford an attorney. Is there any way we can do it without representation?
Surely . . .
there is someone who can help you. Look around on the internet or maybe call the closest law school, but see what kind of lawyer groups are in your area that help people for free. There are groups that help victims of domestic violence with legal assistance. I would think your SS qualifies as a victim of domestic violence. call the area crisis center. There should be someone around that could connect you with such a group.
Good luck!
If you don't think she would
If you don't think she would take you guys to court, then refuse the visitations or make them supervised with someone you guys know & trust, without the BM's husband there. Or even a different house altogether would be best. Do not let that kid over to that house with him there ever again! My ex was psycho & abusive & I had to leave once I had a baby to protect him. These men do not change & it only gets worse, ESPECIALLY if he keeps getting away with it. You have got to convince your DH to keep your SS away from there.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"