Being compared to BM
Last night my husband was upset with my son because his room was such a mess...and rightfully so because it was bad and my son puts me off when I tell him. What really hurt was the comment made to me right afterwards..."Even BM's kids didn't keep their room that bad!"
Here is some history of BM and her children:
BM has no job...no goals...doesn't take care of any of her children and blames everyone else for her shortcomings along with hypochondria and bipolarism.
BM has two older kids other than SD13 (who lives with us full time and hardly ever sees her mother) The oldest boy 17 talks non stop of killing people, guns and knives and blowing stuff up. He is lazy like mom and has no goals...barely eaks by in school in remedial classes and is now living in a children's home because BM doesn't want the responsibility.
The oldest girl 15 has severe personality disorders and has to be constantly medicated. She is a very strange girl indeed. She is also very unmotivated and lazy barely making it in school. She too lives in the children's home with her brother for the same reason BM doesn't want to deal with her either.
Here's my son:
Above average in school
Very polite and respectful
Lazy about cleaning his room
Not motivated to better himself physically
Extremely artistic talented...his artwork made it to state contest this year (keep your fingers crossed! LOL)
I was beyond hurt by the comment my husband made. Does he seriously think that little of me as a mother and/or dislike my son that much? I am sad...I feel like I am so insignificant to him.
I often wonder what it feels like to actually be someone's priority and not their after thought when they need you to do something or give them something. I don't even make the top five of my husband's priority list and I seriously treat him like he is a king. Perhaps I should quit my job, gain a hundred pounds, pawn my kid off on others (after I seriously damage him) to raise and blame others for everything bad in my life and maybe I would rank up there with BM!
I am so f***ing mad....sorry...thanks for listening:)It helps to talk to others who understand.
No she had two others from
No she had two others from unknown fathers
First let me say I'm sorry
First let me say I'm sorry that he ever went down that road. I have asked in the past if I'm a better mom, cook, lover, etc than DH 1st wife but I would be shocked if he ever said anything other than yes. If I ask these questions it is because I'm having a day of extremely low self esteem and hating being someones 2nd.
Next I will say that with my 1st husband, (and true best friend, and mate) I always felt first. I was always he priority. It was by far a better marriage because of it.
My DH does try to put me first and I am, when his kids are not around. However because of the limited time with his kids I recognize that me along with our DS will take the back burner to his kids if they call or visit. I don't know if this will ever get better or if it will just be more acceptable. I do know that he tries.
My advice would be to tell him that every child is different in their skills as well as in how self disaplined with their cleaning or chors. Every child will need additional help with accomplising what the parents expect of them in different catagories. No child at any time should be compared to another by the parents. I would also tell him how hurtful it was to be compared in a negetive way to his 1st but if he wants to tell you how superior to his 1st then to over indulge in those comments everyminute of everyday.
It's hard to be 2nd but even harder to feel that you are less than or don't compare to the 1st marriage. I know that I wonder if the 1st didn't last and I'm worse why would we last. It's extremely hard to have those thoughts.
Good luck to you.
DH compared me to his second
DH compared me to his second wife ONCE during an arguement when we were first together. He has never made that mistake again. I was furious and so hurt by it.
Should he EVER do that again I'll tell him "Fine then I'll just divorce your ass like she did."
It hurts to love someone who
It hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back the way you love them I think is my biggest problem.
OMFG I would've gone apeshit
OMFG I would've gone apeshit on his ass. You have every right to be upset and angry. And hurt.
Wow, I just wish I had some kind words for you but I'm FUMING inside. That's so hurtful.
And I agree with Oldone above - next time he pulls that shit, put it right back on him.
I was thinking the same
I was thinking the same thing...my ex (the father of my son mentioned above)is not a very good father...hasn't been there much for his son nor is he financially responsible. He was a terrible husband as well. Maybe I should have said back to DH when he said that to me, "wow even BS dad wouldn't have said such a rude, hateful thing to me" wonder how he would have liked that...but unlike him..I have a hard time saying something that I know is going to hurt someone's feelings.
When does he get out of the
When does he get out of the hospital?
Now that you're calm tell him that if he compares you to her again he can get out her divorce filing and see how similar it is to the one you're going to file
LOL...the only thing I did or
LOL...the only thing I did or said to him was "well I guess BM's kids are better kids than my son is huh?" I'm not a fighter and sometimes that is not a good thing
Yeah don't let stuff like
Yeah don't let stuff like that build up inside... If your still mad or hurt about about it you really should express it, as loudly clearly and angrily as you need to. That is a REALLY s&*t thing to say to you and do not set a precedence by being passive about it.
Girl, I'm so sorry! That's
Girl, I'm so sorry! That's just no cool!! I get not being a fighter, but your DH needs to know how badly he hurt you and find LOTS of ways to make it up to you! Did your DS hear the comment, as well? If so, your DH needs to apologize to him, too.
Tell him to go back to her
Tell him to go back to her fat lazy a$$ then, if she is sooooo great!