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Attempting to blend with my 3 and her 3

Thinly stretched Dad's picture

Ok so here's the deal! I am in a serious relationship with my girlfriend who has three kids with whom I live with. I have three kids of my own. In the beginning it was awesome to see all six having a blast together! There are the girls (two of mine/one of hers) ages 12,12,14 and the boys (two of hers/one of mine) ages 7,8,9. So they're all around the same age. Her kids father pays child support but doesn't see the kids. My ex-wife is still single with no male role model, so basically I'm the only man dealing with two women and 6 kids. The problem I'm having is that my girlfriend has this notion that I need to be her children's father because I live with them in which I explain that I will be the best Step Father I can possibly be to her kids but I am already a father to my three. She tends to think I show favoritism to my three cause I attend their events more than her kids. I however have sacrificed some events for my children for her children and I feel extremely guilty for it because I feel as though I'm skipping out on my children. She thinks that because my children have a mother that is involved and her kids do not have a father that's involved then I should pay closer attention to her children. And I want to be clear, I love her kids and love going to their events but I've always put my children above anything and now I feel guilty because I'm not doing as much as I could for them now because of my girlfriend's kids. I try to balance and schedule everything as equally as possible but for I.e. If my son has a football game and her son has a football game at the same time, I feel as though it's a no brainier that I will go to my sons football game but then she thinks her kids always play second fiddle to my kids. And in a sense they do! I don't feel as though it's my fault their Dad is a piece of crap nor should my kids suffer because of it. I suppose my question in all this is am I supposed to put her kids at the same level and divide my attention six ways or keep my priorities on my children and do the best I can for her children and continue to let them feel as though they're that second fiddle? Obviously my girlfriend wants door #1 but then I feel as though I'm cheating my children!

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

Oh what a coincidence Wink

Read Rene900's blogs, she and your SO seem to have much in common.

Thinly stretched Dad's picture

Thank y'all for the responses. The new problem will be getting her to understand my point of view. And if she can't then it looks as though I may end up single again. The problem with that is we are absolutely great together until we started trying to blend.

Snowflake's picture

Yeah I have to agree that it is not your fault that she procreated with a crappy guy. You should be there for your kids, but if you feel guilty every time you do do something for her kids, then it is not going to work.

You sound like a very involved father, and that is great. i would make it clear to her that you will continue to be a great father to your kids, you will sacrifice some and treat her kids with respect, but that you are not their replacement father.

DarkStar's picture

She's wrong, you are correct.

You are not obligated in any way, shape, or form to be daddy to your gf's kids because their father is out of the picture.

There are so many stories of husbands on this site that get married in order to find someone to play mommy to their kids....perhaps your gf is hoping you will play daddy to hers?

You two absolutely need to be on the same page with your kids vs her kids vs how you all blend together.

hereiam's picture

Your girlfriend has a skewed view of your role as father/stepfather.

She should not expect you to sacrifice going to your kids' events, to attend her kids' events; that's ridiculous.

As great as it would be if everything was exactly fair across the board, it can't be and she needs to except that or find a guy who has no kids of his own and who is willing to put all of his energy into hers. It sounds like she wants a daddy for her kids more than she wants a partner.

You have 3 kids of your own and they deserve for you be there for them. The fact that her kids' bio father is not involved with them is not your problem and she should not make it your problem. She needs to be willing to except what you can do without sacrificing your own kids. If not, like I stated above, she should find somebody else.

She thinks that because my children have a mother that is involved and her kids do not have a father that's involved then I should pay closer attention to her children

^^^ This is complete bullshit.

What she is asking/demanding of you is unfair. And disrespectful.

Does she ever skip her kids' events to go to yours? Didn't think so.